S/o would your child tell a kid he's not jewish?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Anemone

Today at 9:41 am

#BestBubby wrote:

My BFF and also my cousin adopted their children.

I didn't tell my kids because I was afraid they might tell the kids they were adopted.

My BFF asked me to tell my kids not to tell her kids about the adoption and was very impressed when I said my kids don't know.

I really hope you’re talking about something that happened in the 50’s and there aren’t still people lying to their kids about being adopted.

↑ mommy3b2c

Today at 9:44 am

amother Cornsilk wrote:

As far as I can see, all those people on the photos could be Jewish.

It is one thing to tell kids about bad Romans, Greeks, Egyptians but you don't need to frame it as all non Jews are bad except....xyz

Because there are plenty of Jews who aren't so good either

Interestingly enough , that’s EXACTLY what I teach my children. That there are good and bad people of all races , religions, nationalities, etc…
And that still didn’t stop my baby from making an embarrassing comment …
I guess I’m a bad parent 🤷‍♀️

amother

Cognac

Today at 9:47 am

OP, you should have a talk to your children because they shouldn't do that. It's important they understand how hurtful they were.

Congresswoman

Today at 9:47 am

mommy3b2c You’re an awesome mom. Keep being you.

happy to be me

Today at 9:48 am

mommy3b2c was giving an example of how little kids can say things. Why the knee jerk reaction here? It's no reflection of her parenting. We have a whole thread of the funny things have kids have said . Most of it weren't comments that were spoonfed by the parents.

amother

↑ Bone

Today at 9:50 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

And therefore ? I can’t post pictures of my own child ? And others that give me permission to post ?

Anything else of value to add to the conversation?

You're 100% right. I can't believe people are saying that. Your pictures are no one's business.

amother

Sand

Today at 9:55 am

amother Tanzanite wrote:

How would they even know or be in that situation?

I grew up in that situation and my kids also and they are pretty sheltered lakewood kids.
But I know in advance so I prepare them what not to say

Also another one is - you’re not really a Cohen. Like if the mother was divorced and married a Cohen (they are not religious) and the boys talk about how they are cohanim. No point of my kids saying anything otherwise so I prepare them.
They can be blunt but with proper discussion it can be okay.

amother

Apricot ↓

Today at 9:59 am

This reminds me.... my sister got a book from her fil for her kids.
Her son, living in kj, as a little boy had never seen a black man before.
There was a little black guy in the book, he saw it, told my sister, oy, that man is dirty. Grabbed a wipe and started "cleaning" him off on the book.
So my sister explained to him, that hashem created all people looking differently. Some have whiter skin like us. Others darker. He's not dirty. It's just the way hashem created him and it's ok. He was FLABBERGASTERED.
Fast forward, the switched the guy on the ups route ans whatdayaknow? It's a black guy. My nephew saw him he was in AWE. He was so excited to see a black guy just like in the book!!!!
He kept asking my sister if he's real.

Kids make their own assumptions according to their world around them. He automatically assumed the man is dirty becuase up until then, living his extremely sheltered life, he's never seen such a human being. And he knows brown on a person means dirty. It doesn't make him or my sister a racist. Heck there are so many black jews! It just that, the color of their skin.

Our kids learn stuff in school. Since forever we were persecuted by g0yim. And yes, all those non jews were bad. And we also live around them and watch how they behave (I live in a "nice" middle class neighborhood. How the people here behave is abhorrent sometimes!) And they make their own assumptions.
I do not tell my kids g0yim are good.

I do tell them there are chasidim imis huilem. I do tell them there are geirim. I do tell them there are bnei noach. (It's all a topic my kids are very into) but I won't tell them my neighbor is nice. Even though she's half jewish (not halachikly). She yells in the street, she walks around practically naked. She yells at kids and adults. Or the neighbors teenagers who were 1 step away of having s$x in the street. Or the neighbor who beats his kids. Or the neighbors kid who kicks his dog. The other day my kids (11 and 9) came RUNNING in. 4 houses down they had a birthday party for an 8 year old kid. Ans there were 4 grown men drunk and fighting in the streets and police had to take them away.

It's a "quiet" "nice" "clean" "safe" middle class neighborhood.

Couple that with what they learn I school.... chanuka is coming up.....

singleagain

Today at 10:38 am

amother Apricot wrote:

.

This is adorable and reminds me, that she. We had a babysitter from Jamaica when I was about 5.. and I remember being fascinated that her palms were a different color then the rest of her. My said it wasn't even that she was black. But that her palms were white/pink that's what I found fascinating

nicole81

Today at 10:45 am

People have told my daughter that her older siblings aren't Jewish because of how they look. Everyone should teach their kids that Jews come in all colors, shapes, sizes, and clothing. And that it's rude to make unsolicited comments about someone's background.

amother

Blushpink

Today at 10:47 am

I think most parents will have their children make a comment they would rather not. My ds when he was young pointed to someone in the street and loudly asked why they weren't wearing a vest (the person was dressed only in shorts). Or he asked my cousin (married several years with no children) when will you be a mommy, as you can only be a mommy if you have a baby.
Children are often very black and white and have no filter. I wouldn't say it's a parenting issue, unless the child is old enough to know better.

↑ chanatron1000

Today at 10:51 am

It's perfectly normal for children not to have a filter, but that's not the issue here.

amother

↑ Brown

Today at 11:18 am

amother Brown wrote:

I don't hear a kid asking that as a judgement, I hear a misunderstanding of the word.
My kid thought that "stranger" meant bad and that "teenager" meant stranger, because the words sound alike. So when they heard that some nice people they knew are teenagers, they asked for an explanation.

I reminded them that strangers are people we don't know, so even though most people are good, we don't know them and therefore kids don't go anywhere with strangers. And that teenager is something completely different. But they were still convinced that their way was right for a while

Adding to this, we live in a place where there are plenty of Jewish people with non-Jewish fathers/spouses, non-Jews who believe that they are Jews, Black Jews, non frum Jews, etc. A whole variety. It can be really confusing for kids to understand what it means to be Jewish, what it means to be religious, etc. It takes time for them to learn the facts and it takes time for them to learn what to say to who and when.
"That person isn't Jewish, because they have dark skin."
"Actually, you can't tell from looking at someone if they're Jewish or not."
"Oh ok, so that other person with dark skin is Jewish, right?"

"This lady is Jewish, because she's wearing a skirt."
"Actually, she is Jewish, but we can't tell by the way someone dresses. Being Jewish is part of you forever, but not all Jewish people do the same things."

"Do you know if that kid in the park is Jewish or should I ask him?"
"I don't know, but you also don't need to ask. You can play with him while we're in the park, if you want."
"He has a yarmulka"

amother

↑ Tanzanite

Today at 11:45 am

amother Apricot wrote:

So because your neighbors are trashy that makes non jews all trashy?

I lived in Israel for 4 years. I had FRUM charedi neighbors who spit at my husband. They left garbage. They were cheap and refused to help the building with more cleaning. Please. Plenty of disgusting jews in our midst.

I'm a BT. I grew up very upper middle class. We had some lovely non Jewish neighbors and some not nice ones. But overall, there are plenty of well educated and higher class non Jews who would never do of anything you speak of. My non Jewish neighbors now are just fine.

Also the boy from KJ never went to a wal mart? A hospital? A department store? Seriously...

amother

Floralwhite

Today at 11:58 am

amother Tanzanite wrote:

Just replying to the bolded, many in KJ won't take their boys to Walmart/non-Jewish stores etc. cuz of shmiras einayim

amother

↑ Apricot

Today at 12:33 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

No. My sister never took her son's to Walmart. When Walmart still did that she used to make orders over the phone.
Or go down there with the village bus, shop, and her husband would pick her up when she was done on his way home from work. (city)

So no, my nephew wasn't exposed to many no jews. There was "the lady" the cleaning lady, and the post man. And the ups guy. Amd the nurses at the pediatrics office and dentist. That's basically about it at that age.

Now he unfortunately is very exposed.... He's had many hospital visits over the years... (unfortunate the circumstances. Not that he sees other people. It's obvious. But with imamother nitpicking I have to say it)

As I wrote in my post, I do mention to then there are decent people all over. But when they learn about so many bad g0yim and see this type of behaviors all around.....

The other day my 11 year old was chased down and being yelled at because one of the teenagers thought she had one of their bikes. (They had the same bike basic bicycle from walmart) the teen was saying to throw her off her bike and loudly yelling that they'll hurt her. she was SHAKING and so traumatized. All she did was pass their house on the way to the neighborhood. Dh drove around looking for them and gave them a stern talking to.

I'm sure there are many nice nonjews. I grew up with some on my block. I loved helping my elderly neighbor water the pretty flowers she grew in her front garden. But at night I'd be created out because she wasn't discernable from the dark. She was so dark skinned that unless you were close by you could miss her.
So I'd be creeped out to pass her house. Or the neighbors who had their entire extended family hang out at their house at every holiday becuase they knew the Jewish neighborhoods were safe. They had some sweet kids. And I tell my kids. Strangers are strangers and we need to judge each individual based on their own actions. But I also don't allow them to hang out and be friends with the one sweet non-jewjsh kid down the block.
Shoot me for it.

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