I'm so fed up with this student

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amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:40 pm

amother Red wrote:

Why is the child being allowed to fire the shadow ? Maybe warn the shadow that the child makes up lies and it should be ignored and only hire a shadow that knows what theyre in for and determined not to give up. Maybe child will throw a fit the first few times but if they see shadow isn't going anywhere they'll get used to it and start to cooperate? Could totally not work but doesn't harm to try no ?

I have no idea.... I think the student just badgers the principal and the parents complain, threaten etc. It is so dysfunctional

momallhours

Yesterday at 9:44 pm

Just here to say you sound like an incredible teacher

amother

↑ Eggshell

Yesterday at 9:57 pm

Do the parents have money or yichus?

amother

NeonYellow

Yesterday at 10:02 pm

I’ll be honest, if the parents aren’t receptive don’t try to force the kid to learn. Is it a sad situation? Absolutely and it’s a huge shame the the kid won’t get the skills they need. But you have a whole class to teach and you need to keep your sanity. Find something the kid likes (coloring books, work search, sudoku,etc) something quiet they can do on the side. Make your expectations very clear to them. “You can color quietly by your desk. You may not tell something out without raising your hand. You can either sit in your seat or on this exercise ball by your desk. Those are your options. If you are disturbing you will be asked to leave the classroom.” Just enforce very basic things to make the classroom functional

amother

Leaf

Yesterday at 10:02 pm

I am so glad this isn't my kid because academically my kid is on par or even above. But we had such difficulties some years getting any accommodations for my kid.
We paid out of pocket for therapies (speech, OT etc). For evaluations. Sees a psychiatrist. Takes medication.

Academically ok but socially off. No tantrums anymore BH but below age level.
Schools only help for years was "hold them back". Um, academically my kid is advanced and being bored won't help. ADHD and boredom don't mix. They just didn't want to help.
For instance- the evaluation we got said my kid needed to be in the front of the room. They shoved my kid in a back corner. My kid floundered all year despite asking for my kid to be moved up. They were worried my kid would disrupt other students but never tried it. Flat out refused to even try it and said it was too much of an accommodation and maybe my kid needed a special ed school. To sit in the front?!?! FYI The next year my kid was seated in front and was a totally different kid in class. Participated, more focused, behaved etc. Teacher didn't believe my kid had ADHD even! (We used medication too but kid was on medication both years).

I asked teachers to text or email me the assignments especially if it was a "just my kid" assignment or something new- like when my kid had to bring in something or do the parsha poster. They won't.

I asked for updates on how they see my kids medication working for them. Even a simple "rate with a number 1-5" on focus etc. They said they would and never did. Not a full eval- just even a "good day/bad day" notation would help the doctor adjust meds correctly.

I asked for quiet during quizzes. They let other kids make noise and said "well they are little and are learning how to take tests". No help. No separation of the talkers. No moving of desks during tests. No enforcement of quiet rules during tests.

They kept telling me to do more but I can't do anything more!! A Para doesn't exist where I live (no government funds for anything either) but a shadow won't help if it's a classroom or teacher issue like refusing to sit my kid in the front. They haven't brought that idea up but it won't help. We also can't afford it.

We pay for everything out of pocket and can't afford life. Literally- I don't spend on anything, no name brand clothes, frum brand clothes, fancy trips etc. Just rent in a lower than average unit, basic food, and basic clothing.

Might not be the case here but sometimes it isn't the family....

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 10:19 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

I would be happy to do all of this and more but no one is willing to cooperate and the parents are horribly nasty. We had a meeting shortly after the year began where the mother went on and on about how bad the teachers and the school are. How they don't care what the curriculum is that's our job as teachers. They don't care if the child learns anything. They pay tuition and it's our job to deal with them. They went on and on about how miserable the child is. I said ya know what maybe it's time to try a fresh approach or something new? Have you considered a different program etc. ? The parent then went off at me. I have no respect for these parents. I have taught other children with a host of issues and the parents are lovely. Some of my favorite students have had various issues. But, at the end of the day I can't do anything for a child whose parents are impossible and a principal with no backbone. I'm disturbed that situations exist like this. Also beside the point but the child comes like a complete mess to school and the other children notice it, principal brought it up and the parents said okay we will try. I see nothing improving.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 10:22 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

I know but then the parents complain x does nothing during class and has no friends. They complained x has social issues. I said to the principal what do you expect? They are old enough now to notice the massive differences and no one wants that child in their group or to deal with all of their issues.

amother

↑ Purple ↓

Today at 5:18 am

amother OP wrote:

Oy that's so sad. Video games all day? What's the point of him being there?

🤷🏼‍♀️ because the most important thing is to be in a Jewish school apparently. (we're oot with no Jewish special Ed options)

Cheiny

Today at 4:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have a student who is so incredibly far behind academically, also has a host of diagnoses and my other students cannot stand them. They come to school a total mess. I have complained endlessly to the principal and the parents. Nothing is done. Parents were nasty to me when I offered sincere solutions. Child does whatever they want at school and is basically a zombie half the day from medication. I don't understand how this is legal? If this was a public school the child would be forced to be in a special Ed situation and actually get the help they need. I'm at my wits end and it's only December! I have no time to give special attention. I have other students who actually need to work through the material and have the ability to do it. Principal refuses to give the parents an ultimatum and quite frankly I'm ready to quit.

I could never respect, much less work for a school whose administration could deal with such a situation in the way yours has… that’s awful. They’re not doing the child any favors.

amother

Bubblegum

Today at 5:20 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

Do the parents have money or yichus?

I was wondering how much the parents donate to the school.

amother

Snowflake

Today at 6:09 pm

Op I had a student who was out of control. I was losing my mind. His own shadow couldn’t stand him anymore. I dreaded going to work every day. He was causing chaos in the class. The child needed meds asap and the parents weren’t interested in a thing I had to say.
It started to affect my mental health. One evening I picked up the phone and called the principal and said if this child remains in my class I’m quitting. Next day he was transferred out of my class and eventually to a different school.

amother

Tealblue ↓

Today at 6:54 pm

Sorry to derail, but To all the teachers in this thread.
I’d really love to hear your opinion on how u would feel if you’d have my kid in your classroom. I really hope my kids teachers don’t hate her, I’m getting quite concerned 🙈.
My child is not an issue behaviorally from what I’m told. But she’s below grade level.
Doesn’t always follow directions nicely due to processing issues. Has social skills
Issues. I keep being told to get a shadow, but I don’t have any programs, and I don’t have extra money for that. I’m paying enough for tutors and evaluations, and we’re really struggling financially. I know the school is upset I haven’t gotten a shadow yet, and “everyone manages to get ABA, why can’t you”, but that’s where we are now. Unable to get ABA. Or a shadow yet. I hope her teachers don’t hate having her in class 😳

amother

↑ OP

Today at 6:59 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

So many follow up questions.

Any diagnosis?
What did evaluations point to?
What services is she getting?
Which subjects is she below in?
Has she gotten social skill training?

I'm not convinced ABA is the answer here. ABA is an easy route for an ASD diagnosis for a shadow because the insurance companies will cover up to 40 hours per week and that way you can use them in schools. That's always my suggestion to parents as a way to not have to pay privately for a shadow. But in general I don't love ABA, and apparently my student who I have major issues with has had years of ABA and I don't see how it did anything except make the child sound like a tape recording when answering something.

amother

↑ Purple ↓

Today at 7:05 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

A big part is how a conversation with you feels. Do I feel like you’re fighting me/ in denial/ against me/ making it my fault, or do I feel like we’re on the same side working together. One of my most difficult kids parents came to conferences “thanks so much for understanding our child and all you do for him, we understand it’s a challenge” vs another one “why isn’t she doing grade level work? You should be teaching her better”.

Listen to any suggestions (other than the shadow you can’t do now) and really consider them.

amother

↑ Tealblue

Today at 7:52 pm

My daughter does not have any diagnosis. That’s part of the problem. We’ve gone to two psychologist, neurologist, and we’re in the middle of an extensive new evaluation.

I really try to do whatever I can to help, but the school keeps asking about a para. She’s not having behavior issues. But a para can help with some of the social issues and her focus/following directions piece. I just can’t afford one. And without programs or a diagnosis, I can’t get one.

I’ve done everything else the school wants, as I know she needs it. Extra tutors, a second speech therapist on top of the one from the school district, etc.
I do need guidance on the social skills piece, I’m hoping this evaluation can provide some more guidance.

I speak to the school often. I’m usually the one calling teachers to follow up, not them calling me.

amother

↑ Hosta

Today at 8:02 pm

amother Purple wrote:

🤷🏼‍♀️ because the most important thing is to be in a Jewish school apparently. (we're oot with no Jewish special Ed options)

It might actually be important, ya know

amother

↑ Purple ↓

Today at 8:26 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

It might actually be important, ya know

Except he's only in school half a day because that's all he can handle, doesn't talk to his classmates at all and the only class he's remotely following is math.
I agree that a Jewish education is important, but I think a functional education is more important than being on your own planet in a Jewish school playing video games all day.

amother

Hyssop

Today at 8:38 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

Actually in public schools they can't force the parent to do anything and the kid would remain in a regular classroom if that's what the parent insisted on.

This is incorrect. I experienced a case in a public school where an autistic child who was having regular meltdowns was being referred to a more restrictive setting. The mother was adamant that the student remain in the school, and the school was adamant that he couldn't be properly serviced there. If parents and school district disagree then it goes to mediation/litigation. The parent doesn't just get whatever they want.

amother

Mimosa

Today at 8:40 pm

I’m surprised by this thread because I feel like children are thrown out of schools so easily nowadays. It must be there is a reason they are keeping this child the school. Is he related to the principal ?

These situations are so frustrating for the parents because for many it is difficult to accept or understand that their child is not doing well, even after putting in the work , time , money for evaluation , therapy , medication. This can be an exhausting process in every way especially when the school doesn’t want to accommodate or listen to solutions. But it sounds like in your case, the school is willing to help and the parents aren’t receptive. For what do they keep him in the school ? It sounds like he’s not thriving socially, emotionally, or academically .

amother

↑ Celeste ↓

Today at 9:30 pm

amother Purple wrote:

If the school works with him, he can be playing on TorahGames for part of the day and learning something. He can play a game against another child and learn some interaction skills.

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