S/o My MIL was an Adopted Yemenite baby

banana123 ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 4:21 am

amother Quince wrote:

I'm unconvinced it wasn't the family itself (her parents) who told the mother the story about the baby dying. If decades later she didn't have to search so much to find the documents that led her to her mother (as per the OP) then this was not some black market stolen baby situation.

OMG.

This was literally something done systematically to Yemenite families. The mother being single is not the issue here and it's not the reason either. This was done to married hetero couples who had loving homes JUST because they were Yemenite immigrants and religious.

Why would you insinuate that it's the family's fault????

There are literally thousands of stories exactly like this. It was systematic and it was racism. And there's NOTHING that anyone can say to justify it or explain it away. NOTHING.

amother

Cinnamon ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 4:24 am

amother Quince wrote:

We are talking about an unmarried teenager who either voluntarily became pregnant or must have been very traumatized from rape. Could they trust her judgment? Do you think such a person is well positioned to care for a child? What if she wasn't willing to give up the child but had no current or future ability to take care of it either. What should they have done then?

Why is this different than a married teenager who met her husband at a bshow and had no say in who she marries or where she lives? How can anyone trust her judgment? She's never made any decisions past what color couches to buy in her life! (If she even made that decision at all.)

Sometimes imamothers are just....

amother

Razzmatazz

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 11:32 am

amother OP wrote:

She was raised by Holocaust survivors with a lot of skepticism of the government. She'd never go out of her way to have DNA on record anywhere. Also what's the point if she has the documents and can see the resemblance?

why DNA testing is so important? because resemblance doesn't prove anything. This whole story can create drama and so much pain - but it might be just driven by a healthy dose of imagination.

(Not minimizing the horrific things that teimani families suffered. this trauma and pain reverberates all the generations down today. My yeminite cousins (the younger ones) were terrified to deliver in a hospital.)

And as someone who is teimani, I'm offended this thread is in the entertainment section. There's nothing entertaining about this.

BaltoMom65 ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 11:36 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm not going to put AMA because I won't answer all questions due to her and my privacy. I will not be posting her full name. Here's some of the basics facts and I'm fine to answer anything not too intrusive

She was born in the early 60s.

Her mother was an unmarried teenager.

Her adoptive parents did not know anything sketchy was going on, they were just told there was a nebbach situation.

She had a wonderful childhood but knew she was adopted and only looked into it after both adoptive parents were niftar (they were much older)

This was actually common practice for unwed, especially teen moms, before the s-xual revolution. It had nothing to do with ethnicity or race or the government of any nation. It was usually facilitated by the girl's parents, or church. I have only read the OP so I may be missing some information

↑ BaltoMom65 ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 12:32 pm

banana123 wrote:

So white, Irish Catholic babies born to unwed mothers in Ireland who were born in a Home for Unwed Mothers and then literally sold to couples abroad was about racism too? It was facilitated by the mother's family. The fact that this woman immediately had access to her adoption papers kind of proves that there was no grand conspiracy by the government. Also, why mention that the couples were hetero? Are you implying that if the parents were a same relations couple then it would be justified to remove their child?

WhatFor ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 12:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Your DH can take the DNA test. He has 50% of her genes. He can take it to find potential relatives she hasn't mentioned, if you're interested. Who knows if there's other siblings/cousins out there looking for their history?

A friend and I were discussing why this is debatable when we ran into her friend who was teimani. Her friend told us that it happened to her relative - I forgot if her grandmother or aunt. The hospital told her the baby had passed. The mother demanded to see the body. Hospital tried to give excuses. The mother screamed and refused to leave the hospital and said she'll never leave them alone until she saw the baby's body. They brought her baby back. Alive.

↑ BaltoMom65 ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 12:53 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Actually what she seems to be saying is that every other detail could have been cookie cutter "right" and still happened.

I know, I'm just trying to show that anyone can play the identity politics card. In this particular, specific case of op's mil- it seems to be a case of baby born to a single teen mom at a time and place where that is taboo and the girl's parents were behind the adoption

Mommy1:) ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 12:54 pm

WhatFor wrote:

I had a shabbos guest who was teimani. He told us that of a story of a couple who delivered a baby and the hospital said the baby died. They refused to accept it, and called in all their friends from the kibbutz - with pitchforks and shovels - they lined up in the hospital and demanded the body back. Then the hospital said they made a mistake and that the baby wasn't dead. HE was the baby.

↑ WhatFor ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:00 pm

Mommy1:) wrote:

And here's where I wonder if we're talking about the same story or if, so sadly, this happened way more times than any of us want to imagine.

amother

Obsidian

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:01 pm

banana123 wrote:

Because if the guilty party is not frum, it can't be real.

↑ banana123 ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:23 pm

Mommy1:) wrote:

Yes, there was a rav who told parents not to accept that their baby was dead and to demand to have it back. A rav who said your baby is not dead, your baby is alive, go back to the hospital and say you know there was a mistake.
There were families who listened, and the hospital gave them back their babies. I don't know how many families but at least a few.

amother

↑ Quince

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:27 pm

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

REALLY?!
We can't trust the judgement of the mother of the baby who carried her for 9 months and birthed her? Who was possibly waiting for the day to meet her baby and do her best to raise her properly despite the difficult circumstances?
So we should just take the baby away and lie about it? Rather then give her the support she needs to raise her?

I can't believe I'm reading this here.

FYI there are many teen moms who do a wonderful job raising their beautiful children despite all odds. They need our support. Not judgement.

OK So educate me. You have an unmarried teenage mother in Israel in 1960. At a time when there were no support systems for such people, when even the children of an almanah who got bituach leumi went hungry, you are in a situation where teenage pregnancy and children born from it are totally not accepted socially etc. Without mentioning any options that are available today, how was this supposed to work out acceptably well for anyone involved?

I know people whose parents badly abused them who turned out wonderfully too

↑ banana123 ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:28 pm

BaltoMom65 wrote:

Okay, let's be clear. We are talking about a specific issue here: Parshat Yaldei Teiman. This is a specific, very embarrassing, very shameful, very wrong, chapter in the State of Israel's history.

We are not talking about Ireland or Catholics or single mothers here. That OP's MIL was born to a single mother is not related to the matter, it is not why she was removed from her mother's care or why her mother was told she was dead. It is a side point and perhaps should not have been mentioned at all, seeing that so many imas got caught on that side point and are missing the forest for the single tree.

In Parshat Yaldei Teiman, Yemenite infants were systematically taken from their families, who were told they were seriously ill or dying, or perhaps stillborn or already dead. They were taken because the Yemenite birth families were seen as "less-than" - they were brown-skinned AND religious freaks, and we want all Israeli children to be raised with Ashkenazi, left-wing, secular values.

This isn't the only instance of such racism in the early years of the State but it is one of the most shameful, and likely the most harmful and with the longest deep impact.

There is documentation to show that this was systematic and based in racism and the government has as much as admitted that its predecessors were guilty of this. There has not been an apology but some symbolic compensation has been promised.

It has nothing to do with any other country or instance of adoption, and certainly has nothing to do with single mothers being able to keep or raise their children.

You are welcome to look this section of history up, but it would be wise to have a bucket on hand when you do.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:45 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I originally wanted to put it in interesting discussions but it wasn't anon enabled

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:50 pm

WhatFor wrote:

DH was raised by his mother with the same skepticism. He also doesn't really have so much of a draw to connect to them just because they share DNA

amother

Bluebonnet ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 2:17 pm

Is your mother in law darker looking than her adopted family
I sometimes see really dark ashkenazis and wonder…

This actually is close to home I have an uncle that was kidnapped when they arrived from Yemen around1948 at age 2.5. he wasn’t feeling well my grandparents took him to the hospital they told them they can’t stay with him. They came back the next day and were told he died. They kicked them out of the hospital. When he should have came of age 18 they received draft notices for him.