Anyone else against dorming for high school?

amother

↑ Birch

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:53 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I’m not sure why you got so defensive. Clearly no one was referring to specific circumstances that require it.

And yes, I do know people who want their children out of their hair, starting at very young ages…

Really? You can’t imagine why saying that you “don’t believe for a minute that they don’t have a choice” wouldn’t make people defensive? I don’t believe that for a minute.

Don’t be so judgy and then act surprised when someone calls you out on it.

↑ tweety1 ↓

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 3:43 pm

amother Zinnia wrote:

Can you share the major advantages?

First of all it teaches them independence in a way that sleeping home can never teach them. Second, for a serious lerner, the coming and the going takes up alot of time. My boys love dorming. They're in a room with very serious boys who wake up early and go to sleep early. They love being home but hate the coming and the going. It takes away time from their learning. And 3rd , it teaches them to live with strangers. They can never have that at home. Getting along with siblings is one thing, getting along with others is another. Dorming ripens the מדות of a boy.

amother

Daffodil

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 3:50 pm

Didn’t read all the responses. I’m not for or against. I sent my son out of Lakewood for high school because I wanted him to get a good English education which doesn’t exist in Lakewood. It’s unfortunate but it is what it is. I guess that’s a whole other discussion. BH I found a yeshiva where the boys come home every weekend so they’re basically sleeping at home 3 nights a week.

amother

Nutmeg

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 3:57 pm

I'm against dorming if there's a perfectly good local yeshiva/school. I kept five boys/girl home because there is nothing like a kid coming home at night to his own family. They are so young and vulnerable at that age. Even if you don't see them, you CAN see them. I know for myself, I'm not good at long distance parenting. I need to see my child face to face to make sure he's doing well physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
At 17/18 they move on to a dorm and come home for shabbos, and that's what I'm comfortable with.
Older than that, they're much more mature, and taking responsibility. They could drive, have a job, take care of their own needs mostly.

amother

Lightgray

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 3:58 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I don’t believe for a minute that they don’t have a choice, unfortunately I know of people personally who are only too happy to have their kids “out of their hair,” in not so many words.

In the Lubavitch community most or all yeshivas require the boys to dorm when they start 9th grade. They literally will not be accepted otherwise, even if they live locally they need to dorm.
This is something that scares me very much as my boys get bigger. Like how do the boys see normal family life? Have a deep emotional connection with their parents? Learn to help babysit / cook / clean? Have a connection and learn to get along with siblings?
These are such crucial years!!

I'm curious what other communities do.
And no I don't have a choice unless I send out of Lubavitch which my kids would never feel comfortable doing and would be very damaging to them on so many levels. This is who we are and what we deeply believe in. But I wish the norm would start 12th grade age instead of 9th. I really can't imagine most mothers want to send their sons away... I think most have quite a hard time actually.

↑ tweety1

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 4:13 pm

amother Nutmeg wrote:

My boys start dorming at 17. Yeshiva gedola. Yeshiva katana they're local. I didn't realize people are against dorming at that age too.

amother

↑ Zinnia

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 4:50 pm

tweety1 wrote:

This thread is about high school age bochurim. Are you also referring to that age?

amother

Thistle

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 5:00 pm

I think it depends on the boy and the yeshiva. We live in nyc. I dont plan to put my son in a dorm but my son also has adhd and hf autism so I dont think he would survive dorm life. My brother loved being in a dorm for beis medrash. My husband spent yeshiva in the rosh yeshivas basement and it was a good experience. It was also a small yeshiva.

amother

↑ Aquamarine

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 4:32 am

amother Lightgray wrote:

Why do they require dorming?

essie14

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 6:51 am

DH is super super against it.
Thankfully we live in a city with many great school options. One child had to travel 1 hr each way to HS but it was his choice and dorming wasn't an option. He could have had his pick of a few local school but he wanted this specific school.
BH all of our kids have thrived in the local schools.