Kollel Wife being Supported in Israel AMA

↑ chestnut

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:24 am

amother OP wrote:

I make about $1500/month in my regular job, my commission based job is usually another $500-1500/month

Cost of childcare: Child 1: in Irya (government nursery, so paid about 1800 nis for the whole year- this is around $400 for the year)
Child 2: pay 750 nis/month (a bit over $200)
Child 3: Gan in my house so I pay 150 nis ($44) (before I wasn't paying and keeping this child home)

My food bill is about $200/week.-it might have gone down since I last checked

Our rent is about $2000/month

I don't feel comfortable sharing how much support we receive, because our parents are very okay that the amount they give still allows us to save and the way its going we have been able to, but I don't want to share numbers. (when we were first married we were basically receiving the same much and it was harder to manage, but my job is a bit better and I've also learned how to budget better)

I am very curious what other people think- but I think it costs at least $3600 to live a month here

Utilities, internet, phones?
Clothing, shoes, cleaning supplies, personal care?
Dry cleaning?
Buses?
Sheitel wash, mikvah?
Is $200/week for food including shabbos and Yom tov?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:22 am

amother Jean wrote:

Are you finding no cleaning help to be stressful?
It’s my understanding that it’s more difficult to get cleaning help in Israel in general.

Its come up as a stress recently as I'm expecting and quite tired, but I have a small apartment and the clean up is anyway constant because I have little kids.
If my bathroom is not cleaned as thoroughly, or there are crumbs in my kitchen drawers, I stopped looking or caring

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:24 am

chestnut wrote:

How many other couples do your parents and in laws support?

My parents have supported a bunch.
Some through expensive law school while living in very expensive apartments (think near major cities), and some in kollel/klei kodesh.
My in laws are currently helping us and a sil, but have helped out their kids get on their feet regarding parnassah as well.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:34 am

chestnut wrote:

Utilities, internet, phones?
Clothing, shoes, cleaning supplies, personal care?
Dry cleaning?
Buses?
Sheitel wash, mikvah?
Is $200/week for food including shabbos and Yom tov?

In my previous post I was going to get into this but it was at an innapropriate hour (getting close to bedtime)

For myself, I barely get new clothes- maybe a t-shirt or new skirt.
For my kids, I set a budget and buy on sale for the next season- my oldest I buy new, and I get hand me downs for my next two kids from a family member.

On average, our utilities are over $300/month which drives me crazy because I am pretty stingy with the AC, but kids get baths most nights, and the washer is constantly running- I would love tips if anyone has on lowering this bill
Internet: $40/month
Phones- $40/month

My husband gets his suits dry cleaned for yt, but no other dry cleaning- I dont know the cost
Buses- $40/month
$30 for a wash/set, every 3 months
$200 for food including shabbos (I host bochurim and family but cook a lot of veggies so no crazy proteins/meat only on yt)
Pesach we are with family (they fly us in)
Sukkos is definitely more expensive- I probably spend $500 on food but we are avid leftover people so I can easily go a week after and not cook supper...things even out

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:36 am

Elfrida wrote:

The career plans won't have suffered from five to ten years of bring disconnected from your field?

Haven't actually gone into the field yet, but have everything lined up to do so. It'll be a year before I can get into it once we are in the US.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:43 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Other than the stress of knowing you are moving back and not "permanently in Israel - hence 2 days YT - what are your biggest challenges living as an SKWII (supported Kollel wife in Israel).

Hmmm that's a great question.
I grew up with a family culture that really works hard and lives independently.
Both my grandparents worked from the ground up to build successful business and shudder at the thought of taking from people instead of sustaining themselves.
This has been the biggest challenge for me by far.
My husband truly is a tremendous masmid, and I know that he is someone that should be learning Torah full full time, but its really hard for me to take from our family and not make it on my own.

Living in Israel feels very limiting for me parnassah-wise even though I feel so blessed to be part of an elevated lifestyle, so that is the other challenge.
Even though life is less affordable in the US, had I been making a good parnassah the past 4-5 years I would feel like I was doing something more productive to show how I'm supporting his learning, whereas here I feel much more like a taker.

Hence, currently working on Bitachon.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:06 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

How old are your kids?
Do you live in one of the classic supported communties like Ramat eshkol or sorotzkin?
Have you made friends there? Do your friends also get support?

My oldest is 4.
I live in one of the "classical American areas' but a significant portion of my community is basically on their own with minor help.
Yes- the wealthiest people's kids are here as well...

I made really great friends, mostly neighbors who have kids the same age as me, and also from work.

notshanarishona

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

Your rent is very expensive so your obviously living in a prime area, when I lived there (about 10 years ago), we paid 3000 nis a month in Beitar and about 4000 nis a month in Har Nof (for a dumpy / moldy/ no a/c , machsan 2 bedroom apartment that we lasted about a year in.)

Wolfsbane

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:59 pm

What was the process like finding a job in Israel as an American? Is your job something that will be easy to transfer to in the US?
Did you complete a degree before or during your time in Israel - and if not, is that something you plan to do when you return to the US?

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:00 pm

amother Dill wrote:

I don't want to derail OPs thread but I'm doing this. It's doable if you want it to be.
You just can't go visit your family as often and have to be extra careful where you live and on what you spend.

Very interesting generalization
Hashem made it work for you....yes of course you put in effort

For some people as much as they Try its not doable and the responsible thing is yo move back

amother

Firebrick ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

I responded on a different post about the flexibility I have now with WFH and making up hours at night, and in general I think having older kids makes smaller spacing between kids even harder, so I agree that things will likely change (going with the flow with what has been making sense till now and will continue to do so )
But happens to be my husband's schedule is far from easy- he's out at 7 in the morning and comes home for an hour for supper (7:45-8:45) and only comes home from night seder close to 12, so I am very much on my own with kids every day

You see your husband for one hour a day?? Surprised

amother

↑ Tanzanite ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:25 pm

amother Firebrick wrote:

You see your husband for one hour a day?? Surprised

So do I. My husband is in college which starts at 2:30 pm and often runs till 9:30pm. By the time he gets back to RBS it's 11pm and I need to be up with the kids in the morning so I'm asleep or we shmooze for a bit. When he gets home he has homework, projects and studying.

I woke in the morning so we don't see each other then either. When I'm pregnant I go to sleep really early and we basically just see each other on shabbos.

amother

↑ Firebrick

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:33 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:36 pm

amother Burlywood wrote:

Beautiful , so happy for you.

Do you think you’d be able to stay in Israel and live your current lifestyle without the support? If not what would be different?

The first thing I would do is move to a more affordable neighborhood, and try to get something for 4500 nis/$1200
I would probably put more effort into my side hustle which would cover everything else.
Would be happy to stay for yomim tovim and not fly to the US if not possible.