Would you be upset if your sibling

amother

Brunette

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:21 pm

What time are these parties called for? My kids don't go to BM because it's called for 8pm. So only the 7 year old, maybe the 5 year will go for a bit.

↑ the world's best mom

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:21 pm

amother Wandflower wrote:

I don't invite younger kids because then the simcha looks a kindergarten event. BMs are a beautiful sit down formal event and my preference is to keep it that way. When the number of kids will rival or exceed the number of adults, it changes the entire atmosphere.

That doesn't mean I don't love my nieceso and nephews. I just want my simcha to be the way I like it.

Really? Have you ever walked into a kindergarten classroom and mistakenly thought you were at a wedding? How does a simcha where a few of the adults bring children resemble a kindergarten event?

If you love someone enough, their presence at your simcha should only add to it and not ruin everything for you. But I guess to each his own.

amother

↑ Lightgray ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

No, it’s not the the host’s problem. But my dh and I will not be switching off, so that by the time one comes home while soup is being served, the other one gets there to dessert… if it’s so important for the bal simcha to have her siblings there, this is something to consider

I don't see the big deal about switching off if the simcha is local. If switching off doesn't work out, and you don't have childcare arrangements, then just one of you should go to the simcha, rather than taking along children when requested not to.

amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:23 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

The Bar Mitzvah boys friends are 13, not 2-4. They're sitting at the table & participating in the simcha. Not running around like toddlers do. Only older Cousins are invited. Neighbors kids are not invited to the Bar Mitzvah.

13 year olds don’t run around? Wow. Yes, we definitely travel in different circles . And what about the 12 year olds who haven’t yet had theirs? I can’t imagine requiring decorum at a party for a kid. But I also can’t believe 30 boys (or whatever) will sit quietly ‘participating at the simcha’ In my circles participating in the simcha means being lovely and joyful and dancing.

amother

↑ Lightgray ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:23 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

Children can easily outnumber adults in many families kh. The simcha ends up being a chanuka party instead of a formal affair, and not everyone wants that.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting young kids at a simcha.

amother

↑ Lightgray ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:25 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

Never have I seen bar mitzvah aged boys running around at a classmates bar mitzvah. They sit at their table & have a designated time they need to leave. In my circles, the Rebbi of the class sits with the boys at the Bar mitzvah. They dance when it's time to dance, and sit & be quiet when it's time to sit & be quiet.

amother

↑ Snowdrop ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:25 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

Can’t it be both? Aren’t the bar mitzvah boys friends there? Aren’t there cousins and neighbors and kids of all ages there? Glorified kids party doesn’t change that it’s. A party for a kid, and therefore a kids party

It's a party for a mature teenager, not a birthday party for a 2 or even 5 year old.
The BM boy's friends aren't tantruming and running around or crying and demanding attention. Neighbors kids are usually not there for the meal.

amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:26 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

OOC what circles are you in? Where do you live?

amother

↑ Snowdrop ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:27 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

What a way to take things out of context. LOL

amother

↑ Wandflower ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:27 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

Have you ever attended a simcha where there are kids running around everwhere? Where the kids empty the sweet table before the soup can be served, and grab chocolates or favors off the table? Where some mothers seat their children right next to them, taking away seats from other adults (she can't feed the child at the kids table so she seats him next to her). Where you can't carry on a conversation without being interrupted for 2 min. Where there are so many carriages around that going to wash your hands is an obstacle course? Where the kids need to be consistently shushed when someone gets up to speak a few words....

amother

↑ Lightgray ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:29 pm

I will never forget the time my aunt arrived to my BIL Bar Mitzvah with 5 kids wearing pajamas & their blankets trailing behind them. (This was a formal no kids event.) My MIL thought she's fainting. It took her a while to get over it. My aunt should've stayed home.
I cannot understand my aunts behavior & those that think that the world revolves around them & their kids.

Busybee5 ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:29 pm

My siblings didn't bring their toddlers to my son's bar mitzvah, but that's because they didn't want to. They wanted to enjoy the Simcha, and let their baby's sleep (it started 8ish pm , past their bedtimes). Of course they were welcome to come if their parents wanted them there. Most people in my circles get a babysitter for very young children.

amother

↑ Hawthorn

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:30 pm

SuperWify wrote:

I’d be upset if they didn’t come Wink

Love my nieces and nephews and would be honored if they came.

You want all 25 little babies and toddlers to come? In my family, that's how many there were at one point when the oldests were still having babies every two years and the youngests were all married.

amother

↑ Wandflower ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:30 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

OOC, what community are you from. In my circled, all the BM friends, 12-13 years old sit nicely and respectfully. They sing when appropriate and know when to be quiet. They remain seated until there is some dancing. They are mature little adults at the simcha.

↑ Busybee5

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:30 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

That's weird!

amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:32 pm

amother Wandflower wrote:

I live on the UWS. Where do you live?

amother

↑ Snowdrop ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:33 pm

I don't think anyone who wants to set a certain ambience to their parties and asks that no small kids attend suddenly doesn't love their nieces and nephews.
I'm cracking up just trying to get the logic of this argument.

amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:36 pm

amother Wandflower wrote:

Rockland County

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a bar mitzvah in rockland. I don’t have family or friends who live there.