How to politely cancel on a kollel offer?

amother

↑ Blush ↓

Mon, Oct 23 2017, 7:19 am

I would share but it would be obvious what place and who we are. Smile

not many frum institutions in that place. It is not in America, I guess there would be Visa issues for stam american couples if Id post it publically.
And its more geared towards local BT, to strengthen local Jewish life, even though they started to rope in some people from abroad

amother

↑ Natural

Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:16 am

amother wrote:

Yes. The main issue is that pregnancy makes it impossible for me to find a job (which I normally would have been able to find quickly I think) which in turn is crucial to support the kollel life as the stipend barely covers rent and nothing else.

Also, I am suffering of hyperemesis now and am still paranoid of miscarriage (I miscarried once before). Moving countries would be a huge burden.
Plus, if I had gotten a job in the new place before getting pregnant (which was the original plan), I would have been entitled to maternity leave and maternity pay which also would have supported us.
If I went now, pregnant, I would not get anything. And no, please dont tell us, why we didnt get a heter for birth control until the move was done - it was hard for me to even achieve this pregnancy now.

When we applied, I had a job here with just a little more money than the stipend. My husband did not have a job at all and then only a temporary one. We were childless. At this point, it would not have made a big difference where we were.
Now that everything suddenly has changed 180 degrees, we have to prioritize what is best for the family instead of jeopardizing everything. And yes, I am entitled to 12 months of paid maternity leave if I stay (I am in Europe), could extend to paid 36 months, actually, but with way less money.

I feel sorry and sad to back out of a commitment but I do not see any other way. They have multiple spots open, by the way, they did not hold a special slot for us.

Okay. Well I'll say again that everything that you are giving up is irrelevant. The fact that you won't be able to get a job with the benefits that you need, and your pregnancy that you are nervous about is the main thing.

Going to the Kollel was always about doing what's best for your family - that's why people study at Kollel.

You owe some transparency to the Kollel - I'm happy to read you provided it.