Is it Easier or Harder to be Religious?

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Nov 01 2005, 9:53 pm

I started going off the derech at the age of 16, within a few months I wasn't keeping anything!!!

the memories still come back to haunt me!!

the 1st few months living as non observant jew, were great fun!partying, tv, boy friends, drinking I just thought I was free..until.....

the excitement started wearing off, I began feeling like a empty vessel, no shabbos no home life 2 look foward to, I started despising the life of pop stars movies, boys, I longed for some truth some meaning!

it was tough once one falls in to that pit as much as they feel they want to its not easy coming back!!

there was so much repairing, so many times I climbed back up the ladder and fell down again.. I wanted to be frum but it was so tough!

it was yom kippur, I wasn't home I was in non jewish surroundings when something really stirred in me, for the 1st time in months I picked up my siddur and cried I meant every word!!

that moment I decided the non observant life was not for me!!

I was 17 at the time, I had messed up my reputation, broke my parents hearts but I wanted to really win this time!

I went to hell and back and I wasn't sure where I belonged, I questioned ga/d, it was a hard long trip where I was tested many times suffered, broke my own heart and the hearts of many loved ones, it took me until the age of 20 to truly come back!!!

b'h I am now happily married with the most amazing husband, our 1st child is on the way, we are modern but frum, shabbos and yom tov are my favorite moments!

all I can say is my experiences made me who I am 2day, I am frum for the right reasons, I might not daven every day and be perfect but what I do I do proply with a true heart, when I daven I know wat im saying I don't just say the same words they taught me 5!!

thanks to the help of my special family and many other wonderful patient people I reached this stage!!

being frum is the best thing, we are the luckiest people, yes ill admit its tough, but if it was easy it would be worthless and boring!

if anyone ever has any doubts about frumkeit learn about it learn the beauty of it theres a lot there!!!!

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Nov 01 2005, 10:26 pm

[quote="Mandy"]why did you start going off the derech, amother ?

iam the type of person who asks a lot of questions!

growing up in a closed enviroment was tough, I wasnt allowed to do the simplest things for frum reasons, I might have been ok if I was given a valid source or reason wat was wrong with eg:nail polish, slits....

my questions were never answered, nothing was ever good enough, we were always judged from our clothes, our look, there was so much loshon horah which bothered me so badly.

until I decided id had enough I started experimenting, I didnt realize its easier and quicker to fall down the ladder than climb it!!

its great being frum but there has to be a balance!!

chen ↓

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 8:18 am

Disclaimer: I read only a small portion of the earliest posts. (Not only is it intimidating to see all those pages looming on the horizon, but I have a hard time reading off a screen.) However, since this appears to be something of an opinion poll, I assume one can put in one's 2 cents' worth even without doing justice to the entire thread. (I applaud thos who do read through an entire thread before responding.)

From a pragmatic standpoint, of course it's harder to be frum. Who wouldn't love to be able to buy steak for $2.99 a lb, sample the local cuisine anywhere in the world, live anywhere in the world you please w/o needing to be w/I walking distance from a shul (which always drives the prices up, too), take care of personal business on Saturdays instead of busting your kishkes to get to the cleaners before they close, or find potential dating partners anywhere you go? Who wouldn't love to be able to use vacation days to go on vacation instead of for yomtovim? who wouldn't gleefully stash away funds for children's college education instead of paying yeshiva tuition?

OTOH: Being frum takes many difficult decisions out of your hands. Frum singles don't have to worry about deciding when to have a physical relationship because it's forbidden. A frum married woman need not worry about how (or whether!) to turn down an invitation from a man to go out for drinks because she doesn't go into nonkosher establishments. "I don't want to", "I don't care to" are arguable; "it's against my religion" is not.

Being frum also gives structure to your life. feeling lazy and at loose ends? not to worry, a shabbos or a yomtov will crop up and force you into activity. Lost a dear one, Ch"v? no one can tell you to get over it and give that presentation in San Diego before the body is cold, because you have to sit shiva. Just had a baby? dh and/or you may want to get together again, but you are forced, willy-nilly, to give your body time to recuperate. dh --or you--work 18 hours a day and you never see each other? shabbat everyone's got no choice but to come home and be together.

hadasa

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 10:58 am

When I was little I had this cute book called "tales from Grampa's garden" and I still remember most of the stories (from about 20 years ago!). One was a Mashal of a man lost in the desert, who kept on seeing mirages and running after them, thinking there was water there, but as he drew closer, they all disappeared. Then he saw a traveler with a map. This person was following the map closely, and it was to bring him to a wonderful land with water and fruits growing etc. But the man who was lost looked in the direction the traveler was going, and didn't see anything there, and continued running after the mirages.
So now, who is free? the one who is free to run in any direction he chooses, or the one who is sticking strictly to the map?

Another cute thing I remember from the book is that the little girl had friends over on Shabbos, who said that their parents say Shabbos should be a free day, to do whatever you want. So the grandfather asked "What are your parents doing now?" The answer: "My mom's doing laundry and Dad's washing the car. Wink

TzenaRena ↓

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 12:08 pm

amother, I was very moved by your story. It's obvious that your chinuch did have a deep effect; when you were ready to come back, you had it within you.

I'm just wondering what you mean that your questions were not answered. Did your teachers try to answer you, but you felt you couldn't accept those answers, I.e. they didn't "speak" to you, or do you mean that nobody bothered answering? did you ask your questions, or were they unspoken ones?

I sometimes see young people with "attitudes", typically cynical, and not respectful or accepting of teachers and other authority figures. Are their teachers really not answering, trying to help? Or do the students just dismiss anything they hear?

↑ gryp

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 12:12 pm

amother, im so glad you were able to get yourself back on the right track. that takes real willpower.

it absolutely fascinates me that youre turnaround point was on Yom Kippur. im sure you know that Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the year and the time where the highest level of our neshamas- the yechida- are revealed. your yechida was really crying out, and you heeded its call.
thats amazing.

↑ amother

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 5:38 pm

SaraYehudis wrote:

my questions were most not left undercover, when I wanted to know something I asked, im a very deep person I was hardly satisfied with my answeres, my mothers typical answer was 'bc we are frum and thats what we have to do' I thought if she cant give me a valid reason or sourse y keep it!!

im not familiar with the local schools but where I lived it went like this, 2 years ago u saw this girl in school with u, 1 or 2 classes above u, a yr or 2 later she was back as ur teacher, how are we supposed to respect a teacher who not long ago was our school mate??

↑ Mandy

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 10:29 pm

Quote:

One was a Mashal of a man lost in the desert, who kept on seeing mirages and running after them, thinking there was water there, but as he drew closer, they all disappeared. Then he saw a traveler with a map. This person was following the map closely, and it was to bring him to a wonderful land with water and fruits growing etc. But the man who was lost looked in the direction the traveler was going, and didn't see anything there, and continued running after the mirages.

that was nice.

↑ TzenaRena

Fri, Nov 04 2005, 10:47 am

amother I understand that attitude, its one I had as a teen as well. (about the teachers just a few years older than you) Seeing things from another perspective now,( my daughter is in High School), I realize that sometimes there are exceptionally talented graduates who are in the category of "Avreich =Av b'chochmo v'rach b'shanim". they have the brilliance, maturity and leadership to be fully competent teachers and motivators, even for the high school level. They were hired for that reason, despite their youth. The students have much to gain from them, if they permit themselves to.

That having been said, I certainly agree that the mechaneches (mentor) teacher should be one with life experience including that of raising her own children, or talmidos over many years for a wiser, more compassionate and insightful, and at the same time competent connection with her current students.

shanie5

Sat, Nov 05 2005, 9:39 pm

I want to comment on the posts relating to our following halachah all day.

my non-jewish neighbor teaches theology at the university here. she teaches a class on world religion, and when she gets to judaism, she has me speak to her class. one time, when she introduced me, she said something to the effect of "shanies life is guided by the torah. her dayis sometimes affected by her religion". my response when I stood up was "no! my day is fully guided by my religion. from mode ani in the morning to shema at night. how I dress, how I speak, what I eat, when I eat it (milk/meat), what I eat. how I walk (tzniusly). how I relate to others. in every aspect of our lives- even to how we tie our shoes- there are torah guidelines" and I for one love being frum. the first time I spoke, I was nervous, but it really reaffirmed to me who I am and that I am happy w/ myself in yiddishkeit.
is it hard to be religious? of course it can be. but nothing really worthwhile in life comes easy.

↑ chen

Fri, Nov 25 2005, 2:33 pm

I don't understand how anyone can say most of the day is not governed by halacha. From what you do when you wake up in the a.m. to the order in which you put on and tie your shoes, to what you eat for breakfast to how you record your hours at work to how you take care of your personal needs to how you greet people, to your physical relationship with your spouse, it's all goverened by halacha. it becomes second nature and you are not makiing conscious decisions every minute of the day, but it's there. It's hard to imagine anything not goverened by halacha. maybe not what color paper to print the flyer for the upcoming clearance sale...