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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Dill
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 Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:42 am
No one should be given the code to someone else’s home and if they need to know it’s a forget tomorrow kind of thing not store in your memory and use as you please
I’m so thankful we only have keys no one to insult no one can pop in uninvited
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amother
Orchid
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 9:56 am
Yes, in-laws and parents should be able to have the code to the house, unless there is something else going on between the couple and their parents.
Even if they have the code, they should knock before coming in, and should not open the door when they know someone else is in the house.
Last edited by amother on Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
NeonYellow
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:02 am
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My parents know my code and they NEVER let themselves in. They knock on my door and wait for me to answer.
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amother
Tangerine
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 11:50 am
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As someone that likes to walk around my house untznius, YES they should tell you when they’re on their way.
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Ema of 5
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 11:53 am
| amother OP wrote: | Do you think it's weird for visiting parents/in-laws to expect to be given the code to the house to let themselves in? Especially when the woman of the house isn't working and practically always home during the day?
I was so mad. When my in-laws came recently, they expected to be given the code, and DH (who can't stand up to them ever) gave it to them. When they tried using it the next morning as I was getting myself dressed, I really got upset and insisted he tell them they can't use it. They can knock, and I can answer. Better yet, they can let us know they are coming over with a few minutes' notice.
If you think I'm being unreasonable, please be aware that there are plenty of other issues in this relationship. But I'm wondering if objectively this is considered normal or not. |
My mom and in laws would both get the code if they came to visit. I don’t work, but that doesn’t mean I’m always home or available to get the door.
BH there are no other issues, which I see is where you are coming from. I think in a normal, healthy relationship it can go either way. You don’t have to give it automatically, but I don’t think there would be an issue giving it either.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 11:59 am
In short, my MIL's parents gave us a large monetary gift to use towards a down payment one day. MIL was insisting I sign a NON-HALACHIC prenup which 3 diff Rabbonim said I shouldn't do. So she just removed the sum out of DH's/our acct right after Sheva Brachos. Idiot.
(And I was the one who calmed down my about-to-explode brand new DH and took him straight to his Rav. Who advised us not to remove her access as at that point it would spark more issues. Oh, and did I mention I got married in his country so that my MIL's elderly father could be at our wedding?)
Whatever, it is what it is and we are cordial/respectful today and prob forever. But I'm glad we live elsewhere and hardly see her.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 12:12 pm
| amother OP wrote: | In short, my MIL's parents gave us a large monetary gift to use towards a down payment one day. MIL was insisting I sign a NON-HALACHIC prenup which 3 diff Rabbonim said I shouldn't do. So she just removed the sum out of DH's/our acct right after Sheva Brachos. Idiot.
(And I was the one who calmed down my about-to-explode brand new DH and took him straight to his Rav. Who advised us not to remove her access as at that point it would spark more issues. Oh, and did I mention I got married in his country so that my MIL's elderly father could be at our wedding?)
Whatever, it is what it is and we are cordial/respectful today and prob forever. But I'm glad we live elsewhere and hardly see her. |
I hope you’re not depositing more money in that account. You should let the money drain out… and use another account.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 2:29 pm
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No, we are most definitely not. Also infuriating is that she held onto that money for about 5 years, when it could have been added to our savings account and boosted the interest we were getting off it.
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amother
NeonPurple
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:15 pm
We don't let anyone in unless they tell us beforehand they are coming over (and it's okay for us). I would not give our key to anyone who would just use it and let themselves in. Imagine you're in the shower and get out and hear a noise??? I would be terrified.
I have some PTSD from a rental apartment where the owner one time let himself in while I was sleeping. I woke up and there was a man standing next to my bed. Honestly the scariest moment of my life. I was terrified. Therefore noone is ever coming in here unannounced.
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Mimisinger
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 5:04 pm
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My dh knocks every time before entering our house - halacha? And, my dh hates when the cleaning women come in without knocking. Drives him crazy. He's home, he should let them in...
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