Confessions of a nonpayer S/O tuition thread

amother

↑ White

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:45 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

You can call me mean all you want but anyone with a rational brain can see that the tuition problem is mainly from families earning too little for the family size they have. The way the Lakewood community is set up is unsustainable. Families with 8+ children simply can’t afford tuition and of course it’s not their fault, we can’t expect everyone to be millionaires.

I know someone with one child living in a one bedroom apartment and they are behind in tuition and struggling tremendously…

amother

DarkGray ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:46 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

You literally cannot afford to buy food without going into debt yet you have 8 children, with the 2 youngest still playgroup age?

Did you ever hear of people losing jobs or having money problems? My husband lost his job a month ago. Should I return my kids now? We were able to afford them with the job, so now what should we do? Put them up for adoption?

↑ chestnut ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'd love to, but the other schools are down are back whenever we're late. This school knows our situation and really works with us. I feel awful not to pay them at all and really hope we'll be able to start giving them something soon.

So schools that insist and threaten, get tuition. Nice, understanding schools, don't get a penny.
Can we now fault schools who start demanding and threaten when they can't meet their expenses?

amother

Freesia

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:46 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

Until all the schools close because no one can afford to pay. Then what?

That's fine. Ill continue growing my family and homeschool along with my neighbors .... I'm not letting schools predict my life

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:47 pm

chestnut wrote:

As I was saying in that thread, there are many families who can't pay tuition, not that they choose not to pay.
May I ask why you don't pay at least something monthly to this one school and less to others (the one with the full payment, let's say)?
Not sure if you're looking for ideas, but is it possible to pay less for cc debts? I understand it'll take longer to pay off, but in this situation, that's what I'd do. Are you eligible for HEAP or discounts on your electric/gas bills?

Yes, we are looking into consolidating our debts into one card which will hopefully bring down that bill. We are not eligible for other help. Our gross income is not so low according to national standards.

amother

Daphne

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:47 pm

Seashell wrote:

I think it's amazing that you are paying any tuition at all in your situation!!

Only thing I'd do diff is split the tuition more evenly. Instead of paying one school in full, split it with the one you are paying nothing. Or pay the same amount for each kid regardless of the official amount.

I do think health insurance comes before tuition. What if ch"v something serious happens? And food def comes first!

I think you need to give less to ALL the schools. But give something to all. One shouldn't get nothing.

I thought the same but made a cheshbon and if OP gives $250x6 kids and $1000 for the 2 playgroups (playgroups are usually a Morah in house it’s harder to pay less) it would be break even at $9200. That’s still without food and insurance. It’s crazy how it’s not possible to live like this, $9200/month is really nice money but so not enough to live.

OP I assume if you’re paying 2 playgroups that you’re working out of the house 9-3/10-2 hours plus more at home at night. Wow I commend you!

amother

↑ Hydrangea ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:48 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

I fixed my comment, I see now you have more than 6. I’m not trying to be mean I’m just being realistic. Only the highest of high earners can afford to pay tuition and all the other expenses of frum life for 8+ kids. I don’t think you’re wasting a single dollar, you simply don’t have enough.

So tell me, what’s the solution when everyone has 8 kids and can’t pay tuition? Because that’s where Lakewood is heading, if it isn’t there already

Lakewood managed just fine in the 1970's and 80's when everyone was in kollel (and not too many working wives), they'll manage just fine in the future.

You're forgetting the Rebono shel olam... who always takes care of his children.

amother

↑ Raspberry ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:48 pm

amother White wrote:

So if someone is a millionaire and loses their fortune they should also lose their kids???? Or should they give them up for adoption or???
Seriously, money comes money goes…

Having 8+ children is a serious responsibility. Barring a neis, explain to me how Lakewood families expect to pay expenses for 8+ children unless they are in the top percent of earners? I’m not saying they should be childless. I’m just saying, what did they expect? Yes, if you have 8 kids and you are a frum family making $110k a year, you will not be able to pay tuition. It’s a fact. I don’t know where OP’s confusion is coming from.

amother

↑ Oxfordblue

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:48 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

Until all the schools close because no one can afford to pay. Then what?

Then we figure out a new system. We go back to the 1 melamed with 10 kids in a living room. We enroll our kids in public school and overwhelm the numbers. Idk I'd sooner homeschool (or pay a tutor) than let money be a deterrent in having more kids if that's what I wanted.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:48 pm

chestnut wrote:

So schools that insist and threaten, get tuition. Nice, understanding schools, don't get a penny.
Can we now fault schools who start demanding and threaten when they can't meet their expenses?

No, not at all, I understand the schools completely! The same way my electric bill gets paid when they threaten a shutoff.

I just don't understand faulting the parents.

It's just bad all around with no solution.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:50 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

Your math is off. 110k is our net, not gross.

And for the tenth time, we were making a lot more and our expenses were a lot lower when we had our 8th child. No one's income is guaranteed to last. No one's.

↑ chestnut ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

I actually have more children than that. Wow, I was expecting this kind of comment just didn't think it would happen so quickly.

My youngest is not a baby. Yes, I'm on BC now. No, my finances weren't anything like this when I had my last child. Did you miss the part where I said I stopped paying one school's tuition last year? That means I was fine until then.

Open your eyes. The economy is awful now and expenses have skyrocketed while salaries lag. So yes, many of us have more children than we can now afford but that doesn't mean we brought them into the world when we were unable to put food on the table.

I don't think I saw the bolded in your OP, unless I missed it as well.

amother

↑ Raspberry ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Please read my post above. What part don't you understand? The economy took a nosedive in the last few years. I'm sure I'm not the only one in my situation. None of us planned for this. When I had my kids I could afford all their tuitions.

I read your post. Are you saying you have lost over 50% of your income since your last child was born? Your income isn’t close to covering your literal most barebones basic expenses. I truly feel bad for you but I also don’t think you can act surprised.

I hope you can accept more tzedaka money if it is offered to you. I’m truly sorry you are in this position. Despite what others are saying I’m not trying to be hurtful. I don’t think you don’t care about tuition or about taking care of your children. But the reality is that when every other family on your kids schools are in the same position as you, what are kids supposed to do? Perhaps those families who truly feel they should keep having kids despite not having money for groceries should homeschool their kids.

↑ chestnut ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do you mind saying which expenses were a lot lower a year-two ago? You listed pretty basic expenses

↑ care4u ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:53 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

Just stop. Stop.
She said she was able to pay until last year.
You should never know the horror of losing incomes & being left with no options.
OP, I wish I cld help you. How can I help?

amother

↑ Raspberry ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:54 pm

amother Hydrangea wrote:

It's been sustainable for 70+ years and suddenly in 2024 its not sustainable? Do you really believe that?

Yes 100%. You tell me, is it sustainable? Do you see people managing, in this economy?

You can’t compare the Jewish world of 70 years ago to today.

amother

↑ Raspberry ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:55 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

That's fine. Ill continue growing my family and homeschool along with my neighbors .... I'm not letting schools predict my life

Good for you!

amother

↑ Hydrangea ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:56 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

We have eight children and we're not high earners and we magically paid tuition all the years. And I know people with larger families than us who magically paid tuition all the years.

The very existence of our community is a neis on every level.

You know I can't help thinking about the women in Mitzrayim, they gave birth in the desert and left their little babies there and malachim came to take care of them. These women were our ancestors, we have it in us to do that too!