More mature than peers

amother

Firethorn

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 4:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

I used to think that. But I have another kid who is similar and already a teen and I really regret listening to this advice. She really didn’t reach her full potential and was bored too often. I don’t see that she gained not being pushed up to her level. That’s playing a huge factor here.

Skipping is a bad idea. Sorry. A bright girl will catch up the work she missed in the year of school she skipped and then will continue to be ahead of the class because she has the smarts.

It doesn't solve anything. It's a shame your daughter didn't reach full potential and was bored often. There are so many ways her teachers should have challenged her within her classroom.

But skipping a very bright four year old isn't solving that issue.

Hashem_Yaazor ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 5:05 pm

I don't know how much to judge at 4 but I hear where you're coming from.

My experiences?

My oldest was youngest in his class, very short, I left him where he was even though socially he craved older kids so he never really had close friends his age and academically never reached his potential since there was nothing motivating him. But I couldn't skip him.... What happened? He skipped 12th grade and we'll have to figure out diploma/GED at some point. I wasn't wrong to leave him where he was but I knew nothing was ideal.

My second we did skip, very bright, extremely socially savvy, winter birthday. He belongs in the older grade but there were some milestones (emotionally, executive functioning) where he did lag and I still see little glimpses of it here and there in 12th grade. He's almost polished, but still a few rough edges.

My third again youngest in class, top of class academically, always considered more mature than her classmates and she struggled with that. It came to a head in 7th grade where we honestly contemplated needing to send her out if town for high school. BH her peers matured more in 8th grade, in high school she had the opportunity to blend with other grades, and she's thriving now. Skipping her wouldn't have helped academically speaking from my personal experience as someone who did skip.

I have 3 other kids who are right after the deadline/youngest in the class that we pushed up (no skipping) and it's definitely the right move for them. But I don't know if I would actually skip them.

One right before the deadline we thought of keeping back, BH we didn't, he's doing great years later as he did catch up, just like my other kids' classmates did...

There's really no way to predict what is best. Can you give it another year?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 5:09 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I feel waiting another year that’s a hard year because it’s skipping straight to first and it’s more of a prep grade that is important not to skip. Next year is not an important grade there will be a lot of repeat of this year. I feel like it’s the easiest transition if we do skip it.

↑ Hashem_Yaazor ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 5:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

Have you been in touch with her potential school? Many times they have a readiness assessment they can administer. Not all schools are even amenable to taking in students after the deadline.

amother

Dill

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 7:28 pm

My sibling skipped and it was a disaster for him. He is brilliant and academically they felt it was needed, but he was never on the same page as his peers maturity wise. He had a really miserable school experience and it affected him confidence-wise well into adulthood.

My kids haven’t skipped, but birthday wise I have had a youngest and an oldest in the grade. The one who was the youngest had no trouble academically at all, but as the work demands increased she really struggled to adjust. She wanted to play and enjoy, not be forced to write and sit at a desk. She would have benefited from more time of being a kid. My oldest in the grade just missed the cutoff and our school is very very strict. He is the leader of his class, and he has no trouble completing work or sitting at a desk, etc. I was worried he would be bored during learning time, but his teachers tell he that he enjoys interacting and participating during the lessons.

Obviously these examples also reflect personality, but I would be very hesitant to skip in general. I think leave your child where she is, and if she really is bored over the next couple years when the learning picks up, then consider skipping her after 1st grade.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 7:40 pm

I am a school psychologist and skipping rarely solves any problems.(same with holding back) It may help for a year and then extremely smart kids are bored anyway. another point, social skills include getting along with kids her age if she cant do that its more likely a problem rather than her being too mature. Again this problem isnt fixed by skipping a grade.

Another point I cannot tell you how many times parents think their kids are geniuses and most aren’t (they may be smart/ high average/ above average) but few are truly as smart as their parents think they are.
If you are seriously thinking of skipping a grade (or to those holding back) the best thing to do is have your child evaluated for objective information before making this decision

amother

Azure

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 8:44 pm

I teach middle elementary.
Will never forget the Super confident mom at PTA who asked if I thought her daughter should be skipped because she was so smart and mature.

It was ludicrous. The class had SEVERAL girls who were extremely bright. Her daughter was a straight B. Other girls had better middos. Her daughter was cliquey and petty!!

OP, ask the morah. She has lots of experience with that specific age and can compare her to her peers.

Hat or

amother

Freesia ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:19 pm

I had an interesting experience with this. Many years ago I was an assistant in a first grade classroom. There was a little girl who was young in the class (just made the deadline) and struggled in every way. She struggled to follow directions, she struggled with the academics, and at recess she walked around the playground, alone. Early on, the teacher suggested another year of kindergarten, but the parents were adamant that of all their kids, THIS one was the smartest, most mature kid and no way were they holding her back. Mid-year this girl was out of school for a couple weeks and when she returned, even her parents saw that she was having a nervous breakdown, so they finally agreed to move her back to preschool. The following year, back in first grade, she was a star. The brightest, quickest girl, with hoards of friends. It was truly a fascinating study.
I have several borderline children myself, and I have thought about this often. Whether your child is the oldest or youngest- they are at a disadvantage. The same kid may be bored/ too mature or struggle/ not quite there. You may feel like because your child is having a bit of a hard time you should have gone the other route, BUT THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW WHAT THE OTHER WAY WOULD HAVE LIKED LIKE.
A couple other thoughts: a child specialist once told me- they pretty much all even out by 2nd grade. The question is if your child will have to struggle a bit in the early years and/or if your child's position in the social pecking order of the class will be low based on maturity/confidence. Remember: for every bright, mature kid there are at least a couple more, and if they are a year older they are that MUCH brighter/more mature than yours.
Also a consideration (we don't always know anyhow) is what age your children typically mature physically. Teenage maturity/behavior comes in with physical maturity and kids who are wayyyyy behind/ahead tend to lag socially as well.
I also second the poster who said that a child should be able to play with kids of their own age. I think a healthy child should be able adjust his play level to meet peers +/- 1 year. Most kids that I know that were "too mature" for their age group actually lacked play skills.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:44 pm

To be clear she plays well with all ages. She just has to play beneath her play skill level while with kids her age. She adapts fine with no issue. I’m the only one taking issue with it, not her. I have a kid with social issues so I know about this topic too well. Her social skills are very developed. The only reason I’m considering it is because she is ahead of her peers in every area. And it’s not in my head, I have kids of all types and I’m not a new mother who thinks her kid is a genius. I never considered skipping any of my other kids I didn’t think they were ahead in all areas like this.

amother

Arcticblue

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why? And what was the reason you did skip.

I was skipped as well and I'll tell you why I regret it.

First of all, I was still bored. Fifth grade work is not significantly more challenging than fourth grade work, and in any case, most of the learning we did was rote memorization.

Second of all, I wanted to play, I didn't want to study. I have a very distinct memory of studying for my first test, deciding that it wasn't worth the bother, and I didn't study again for the rest of the year. My brain was ahead, but emotionally, I was still a child.

With all that, I don't think my parents really had a choice. I was taller, more mature, and way ahead of my peers academically in any case. So leaving me back would probably just have been worse.

I actually do think you should push your daughter ahead (if her teachers are in agreement) just realize that it doesn't solve all your problems. Your daughter will still be under stimulated, think of what you yourself can do to help her.

↑ Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:24 pm

It's really very hard to tell at 4 years old who will be regular bright and who will be way ahead of the class, especially without formal assessment. I don't think we can predict this young if someone will definitely be under stimulated unless they have really shown themselves to be a prodigy, really standing out (taught themselves to read at 2 or 3 type... And usually those kids aren't ahead socially)

It takes time to really see which kids are way ahead of their peers (in my state, the measure is 2 standard deviations above the mean on a test administered by an educational psychologist to be allowed to enter kindergarten early in the public schools, where kindergarten is the year before first grade, not 2 years before)