Sensitivity to family situations

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 6:45 pm

Raisin and Raizle- I agree with you that my FIL should be going to conferences and being in contact with the teachers; as a teacher myself, I believe it is crucial for parents to get to know the teachers, even if they think they don't need to; there's more to it than getting good grades. But the fact is, he just doesn't see things that way, and I don't have the kind of relationship with him where I would feel comfortable telling him what to do. I don't think my husband would feel right telling him how to do things either. It is what it is. If my MIL were alive, it might be different. A lot of things probably would be. But what do I know- I never even met her.

↑ amother

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 6:46 pm

amother wrote:

BTW, amother above me- I agree that the statement the teacher made was completely inappropriate on its face, even for a kid with 2 parents. I'm just pointing out that not only did she handle the situation badly AND embarrass the kid in front of the class, she also ended up unexpectedly hitting someone on a very sore point and should have thought of that possibility beforehand. FTR, my SIL did not get in trouble for talking back; seems the teacher was veritably shocked by her response, and probably won't be making that mistake again.

I'm trying to point out that she would unexpectedly be hitting me with the a very sore point as well. I lived in pain my entire childhood about never having homework signed and being punished for it, even though mymother promised she'll do it when I'm asleep. It was and still is a sore point for me as well.

life'sgreat

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 6:53 pm

Raizle wrote:

I just want to point out that although I agree that the teacher should never have made the comment regardless of the child having one or 2 parents, teachers ARE humans and DO make mistakes.

I think we have to be more forgiving of the occasional slip up that these human beings make.
If the same teacher is repeatedly tactless or rude then the issue needs to be addressed but for a person to make the odd tactical mistake...we've all been there, haven't we?

However, definitely someone needs to speak to the hanholo about the situation especially if it appears so few teachers are aware of her situation.
They teachers as a whole need to be spoken to about these possibilities and reminded from time to time.

I think her comment was out of place, regardless if someone has two parents or not. It was really mocking the student, sort of saying, 'can't you be responsible for your own work'? Which isn't appropriate for a high school girl IMO, regardless of familial status.

aidelmaidel

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 7:27 pm

OP kol hakavod to you for being enough of a presence in your SIL's life that she feels she can call you up and vent to you and that she looks for you to be a stand in for her mother at mother-daughter events. It means she feels comfortable with you, respects you and looks up to you. That is something special.

↑ Raizle

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 10:27 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

Raizle wrote:

I agree with that, I'm just saying that everyone makes mistakes and slips up sometimes and says stupid things.
I think the bigger issue is the schools lack of awareness about the girl's home situation.
and I'm sorry to say I think part of the blame goes on the father.

OP, I hear what you are saying that it's not your place to say it to him. Could you suggest to your sil to go to her father and respectfully ask him to take more of an active role in her chinuch, to explain to him how it's affecting her.
Sometimes people are just unaware and need things pointed out.
Could your husband say something?