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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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↑ imamommy5

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 10:03 pm

effess wrote:

I know so many amazing, responsible, kind, thoughtful, generous teens.
And I don’t live in a tunnel.
I am seeing a huge surge in anxiety in teens.

Which in turn leads to worrying about your mark.

↑ BaltoMom65 ↓

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 11:37 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

With snarky/outright mean moms like you, what can we expect from our children? It was already said that we have a parent problem IF anything.

Or I'm a product of this wonderful philosophy of respect must be earned and how dare YOU not validate my perspective? If I have possibly and obviously offended you, I think it's through your own ego. You're obviously misjudging me. I was raised to always speak my mind....Are you getting the point?? YOU'RE NOT RAISING CHILDREN, YOU'RE RAISING ADULTS! IMAGINE interacting with an adult who has never been held accountable or even told no. Now imagine a society of that. That is terrifying

amother

↑ Charcoal ↓

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 11:45 pm

BaltoMom65 wrote:

Which is why teaching children that people who are currently in a position of authority or older are automatically deserving of unconditional respect is a great way to get them to be monsters when they're older or come into a position of power.

↑ BaltoMom65

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 12:00 am

amother Charcoal wrote:

Where did "unconditional " come from? I do not agree with your stance at all. Children should be raised to treat ALL people with dignity and respect and to be contributing members of society. You sound like you're in a Royal Family from the 1500s. Are your children being taught to compete for the Throne or to be part of a collective and collaborative society? This focus on hyper individualism is destroying Western and now, Jewish society

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 8:31 am

amother Denim wrote:

Teenagers do not believe these things will happen to them. It isn't even the remotest possibility in their minds.

He will believe it once it actually happens.

amother

Hosta

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 8:45 am

amother OP wrote:

I have a question for the people who say every generation complains about the younger generation (which is true, of course).

Imagine you’re me, a high school teacher in a BY with a good reputation. Imagine that you gave the first test of the school year, and beforehand you gave out a review sheet and went over it with the girls. Fair test, no surprises, no trick questions. Imagine that after the girls saw their marks, there was a long line of girls, over 2/3 of the class I KID YOU NOT, waiting to talk with you by break. And every single girl except two said some variation of “I worked so hard, I studied for hours, I deserve a better grade”!! And then ARGUED with you when you didn’t bump them up to the grade they “deserved”, saying you obviously didn’t teach it well enough if so many girls didn’t get an A, and walked away muttering under their breath when you didn’t cave in. Keep in mind most of these kids got in the B+ to A- range on the first test of the year.

Twenty years ago there were maybe two girls per class who would act like this in high school. Now it’s the majority. They will insist and argue and keep at it. They 100% believe they’re right and that they’re fighting injustice.

Imagine you’re me, and you remember the set, angry faces of certain girls who throughout the year, folded their arms and stared at you as they insisted that they deserved a better mark. Who treated you like dirt. AND THOSE GIRLS GOT INTO TOP SEMINARIES.

Would you be okay with this behavior and say it’s not a big deal?

It is so tiring.

My guess is that you are teaching in a school with very high standard and kids need to get into top seminaries. It's more likely stress than anything else. I taught high school a few years ago and only one kid did it and she's a perfectionist..

↑ Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 8:51 am

amother Denim wrote:

This is sensible. Now what would you do if you didn't allow them to use your car but they took it anyway?

I.am.floored. Taking your car without permission?! Your son is walking all over you.
I would call the cops and report the car as stolen. It's time for him to grow up.

amother

↑ Denim ↓

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 9:00 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I.am.floored. Taking your car without permission?! Your son is walking all over you.
I would call the cops and report the car as stolen. It's time for him to grow up.

No my son hasn't done that. But teens take things without permission all the time. What would be a good consequence for borrowing a big item without permission?

amother

↑ Denim

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 9:02 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

He will believe it once it actually happens.

His friends have been driving for a long time against the rules and have never been pulled over.

amother

↑ Yolk

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 2:18 pm

amother Papaya wrote:

This is nonsense. Unless a child is special needs they can write thank you notes.

My very kvetchy 13 year old did it with my overseeing it. I told him to write 2 notes a day, five days a week. Within 2 months all notes were done. Yes I needed to remind him 4 out 5 days a week but he learned that when someone gives you a gift you show appreciation. He also saw me writing thank you notes after having a baby and people sent gifts or meals and realized I practice what I preach.

If a kid isnt doing it its because his parents arent prioritizing teaching him hakaras hatov.

Bottom line is, it's not a sign of entitlement or lack thereof. It's a sign of us Moms gently and not so gently having them write the notes. They would never do it on their own whether they are spoiled or not.

amother

↑ Charcoal ↓

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 3:07 pm

BaltoMom65 wrote:

I was raised to unconditionally respect authority, and a previous poster said questioning authority is generally bad, so that's where I got it from. There is a tremendous difference between "respect" as in treating someone with dignity and respect vs "respect" of treating someone as an absolute authority. I agree that everyone should treat everyone else with respect, and at the same time shouldn't let other people walk all over them either.

amother

↑ Charcoal

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 3:10 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

Yeah, when instead of teaching that grades help assess how well you're doing and what you need to work on, you teach kids that grades are a measure of their value as a person that will be used to judge them and weigh whether or not they are worthy of the education that is, practically speaking, mandatory in their social group... you end up with kids and teens going a little crazy when it comes to grades. Because instead of seeing a B on a math test and getting "your math abilities are adequate with some room for improvement," they're reading "you have been deemed substandard and are sentenced to mediocrity (or worse)."

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