who pays the bills in your house?

redhot

Sat, Jan 26 2008, 11:56 pm

I consider myself smart and capable, and I have a good job and contribute to our household income, but for some reason, the thought of paying bills terrifies me. I begged my dh when we first got married for him to take care of it (he had wanted me to do it). He is completely responsible of all the bills. He deposits my paychecks, gets me cash when I need.. He tries to get me involved and to tell me info but I kind of tune out.

I know its possibly being shortsighted, and possibly irresponsible as a woman and mother, but I trust him and I just dont want to worry about the finances.

anon

Tue, Jan 29 2008, 10:52 pm

sthillmom wrote:

ditto! I steer clear of anything finance related and would freak out if it were my responsibility. It's like this foreign thing to me that I don't care to get to know.

I'm not proud of it, cuz I know it would be more intelligent of me to be involved. But it's working for now.

ange

Wed, Jan 30 2008, 12:37 pm

I pay the bills, dh usually gets the pleasure of running to the bank to deposit everything B"H (although I write out the deposit slips Smile

.

I actually taught him how to write out a check after we were married.

I know a sad story of one widow whose husband passed away and she had no idea how much they owed in backpay taxes to the IRS.

I think it's important for both spouses to know what the financial pulse is, regardless of who is actually writing out the checks and bringing in the money.

Abigail

Wed, Jan 30 2008, 12:44 pm

when we first got married this was one of the first arguments we had, coming from a home where my mother wore the trousers, and did everything (my dad has no clue what’s flying.) dh comes from the complete opposite home, his dad does everything, his wife just spends it all. so automatically thought it would be me and he thought it would be him.... oh well 2 days later he was doing them and iv never looked back-I know what to do but I don’t wanna do it!! so he does them, well its all on line now so no more cheques or anything like that.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Feb 26 2009, 8:42 am

I feel good reading this.

I am married just under a year and when we got married, although I am totally capable of running the bills department, I really wanted my husband to take care of it. Partially because that's how I grew up, with my father doing it, partially because I want my husband to know what our fincancial situatuion and partially because I didn't want all the responsibility! I am the type to know what's going on, anyway, so with my hubby paying the bills, I wouldn't be clueless.

However... just like with all other expectations in marriage... It's just totally not my husband's speed. We argue about it every once in a while and my husband tells me when I get frustrated that he's not paying on time, etc. that if I am better at it, than I should do it!

So we decided that for this next year I will do it.

I am disappointed about it but feel the compromise is worth our shalom bayis. Will my husband be able to know what's happening financially if he's not involved? Will it be like this forever?... Time will tell. I am nervous and upset, but- whatever!

↑ Tamiri ↓

Thu, Feb 26 2009, 9:06 am

amother wrote:

I am disappointed about it but feel the compromise is worth our shalom bayis. Will my husband be able to know what's happening financially if he's not involved? !

Of course he'll know: you'll tell him

Last edited by Tamiri on Thu, Feb 26 2009, 9:11 am; edited 1 time in total

dainty diva

Thu, Feb 26 2009, 9:09 am

drumjj wrote:

I think I have a great husband he sorts all the money and the bills out in our house I wouldnt have a clue I should really ask him whats flying

Can I fly along, drum? Me no clue about them bills, nadda.

He just tells me when I should conserve and when I can splurge. Thank Hashem for this great maalah of dh--he loves handling finances and papers (and he would love to have more $$$ to cover them all..)

PeachTree

Thu, Feb 26 2009, 9:15 am

In general I pay the bills. But I can't exactly say my husband his ignorant about it. Somehow we have a mutual understanding that he earns and I pay. But my husband totally takes care of insurance, taxes etc.

I must say this thread is very amusing, I was always wondering how it is with others! Interesting that it's almost always the lady who pays! And mostly for the same reasons! Makes me feel good!

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Feb 26 2009, 9:21 am

*Kvetch* But I don't want it to be that way! *Kvetch* I don't wanna...!

*Sigh.* So, how does it work, I'll sit him down once a month and say- "This is how much we have coming in, this is a summary of how much is going out..." ?

↑ Tamiri

Thu, Feb 26 2009, 9:30 am

amother wrote:

He should know his salary or business income. If you work, he should know yours as well.
Rent/Mortgage is pretty stable, he probably knows that.
Go over groceries; let him know if you feel you need to cut back but he should know how much it costs you to feed your family every week.
Remind him how much tutions are, if you have that.
Things like that. Tell him if you are managing to save any $ at the beginning of the month, and where you feel you can cut down to save.
Let him know how much he's putting aside for retirement, if you have to do that manually.
Inform him if there are surprise expenses such as an appliance breaking, unforseen medical ect.
You both should know what's going on.
If you keep the records in a good computer program, it's a cinch for him to check and see how you are doing.

smilingmom

Thu, Feb 26 2009, 9:31 am

My DH pays all the bills. Before he started Kollell we had a budget that even included seperate categories for vacations, entertainment and savings. Now I think he borrows from Peter to pay Paul. As long as I don't have to deal with it and I have my American Express card, I don't care. Ignorance is bliss.

challi

Thu, Feb 26 2009, 10:32 am

I spend most of the money (food shopping, kids needs, house supplies etc.) so I manage the bills and the money. It just is easier for me without worrying where or if there is money and where to spend it from.

But... dh is very aware as well. I tell him whats coming in and going out. Which accounts are ok to use and when (we have a couple long story, but it makes things confusing) and what my goals are for that month and we work together.

He could totally do it and well too, but so can I so I just happened to take charge of it. I do think though its important for both parties to know whats flying though, not just that the wife shouldn't be in dark, but also the husbands should know what is happening.

Not being on the same page with the finances is a good way to rack up debt and fees, it much better to work as a team.

For insatance, last month I felt the heating bill was way too high, so I talked to dh about it and we worked together this past month to do all we can (short of freezing) to lower it. We worked together, and despite having a colder month where we would have needed more heat, we saved a lot on the bill, just by being aware. When I got the bill this month I was so excited and shared it with dh. Thats part of working as a team to me.