Help: How to look dignified / Fashion advice

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hisorerus ↓

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 1:35 pm

Disclaimer: I'm not posting as amother, so please be gentle!

I'm trying to work on dressing more dignified, as befits a Bas Melech and a married Bas Chabad. I'm having trouble, because I'm not sure what to wear!

I naturally gravitate to casual clothing. I like feeling comfortable, and by nature don't feel a need to look "nice" on a regular basis. Over the years, I slowly managed to build up a better repetoire of button-down shirts and skirts other than cotton knit, so I look slightly improved, but still not remotely "dignified." What doesn't help, is that I have a hard time taking care of clothes. This was an issue even before marriage, so it makes more sense to only buy machine washable and dryable, as I have no patience for complicated care. Another issue is my dislike for short skirts and very fitted tops.

I recently bought a new long jacket, and received good feedback from the people who count, I.e. my husband and mother-in-law. It's unfortunately dry clean only, and as such I'll either destroy it quickly or pay for it 10 times over in dry cleaning costs.

Is there another way? I don't have an eye for this, so I can rarely tell when I see clothing on the rack if it will look nice.

Basically, I could use some real fashion advice: Dignified outfits that I can wear during the week and on Shabbos, and some shopping suggestions if applicable.

* Do I need to only wear jackets? * Is dry clean only the only way to go? * Are there any stores that are likely to work for me? (Not in NY) * Is there any ground between "fitted" (tight) and loose? * What are some examples of dignified weekday outfits- even imaginary? * Can you look dignified all the time without blurring the line between Shabbos and weekday clothing? * Or am I forever doomed to be a "trying to dress right?"*

Thank you in advance for all of your assistance. I will IY"H read every response, but may or may not reply to each one.

goldrose

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 2:34 pm

Quote:

Another issue is my dislike for short skirts and very fitted tops.

why is this an issue? this [dislike] is a non-issue that is necessary to improve your bas-melech look.

roza ↓

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 2:52 pm

the solution in big part is SHOES!

Get dignified, fashinable shoes or dress boots like these:

it will change the way you look. Add nice necklace, makeup, bracelet ...

↑ hisorerus

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 3:03 pm

I hope you're being sarcastic about the 10 inch heels! shock

Although I was NOT being sarcastic with the query...

↑ roza

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 3:09 pm

so get lower heels, the point is that nice shoes contribute up to 50% of your look

elisecohen ↓

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 3:09 pm

I've had trouble with the "schlumpy" look myself over the years. Part of the problem is feeling like the only way to make a change is to get rid of my whole wardrobe and start over rather than trying to improve 1 item at a time since I'd have nothing to wear the new nice things with! Maybe shopping at nice thrift shops and/or ebay where you can get several nice things all at once pretty cheap would help you feel like you've made a real change? A couple of dressy washable sweaters and a couple of knit fabric, washable skirts can be comfy, fashionable, attractive, and cheap. It really does help to feel like you have several choices and not just one blouse and one suit.

realeez

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 3:16 pm

fitted does not have to be the same as tight!

for maternity, I had such cute outfits and they were all machine washable! I wish I had the same for regular!

there is one brand called "spanner" and sometimes you can get tznious things from it that are machine washable! chk around for that one.

you can also get some nice machine washable sweater sets- those always look nice but are easy to take care of.

nowadays, I am living in those velour outfits - it is a jacket w/ a zipper and a long skirt - definitely not tight! besides tznious, since I am post-baby I wouldn't want anyone to see more than they absolutely have too, lol!

frumie ↓

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 3:22 pm

what do you do during the day? do you stay home w/kids? work in an office? you gotta be practical about this. before I got married, I went from shlumpie to dressing nice and after having a kid, I'm back to old navy stretch tops and a washable black skirt(if I even make it out of my nightgown embarrassed

) I think there is more pressure to dress a certain way in ny. dry clean only is okay for shabbos and an outside coat, but can get expensive during the week. try machine washable skirts(luckily for us long skirts are "in" now and easy to find in non-Jewish stores) and a nice hand washable top.

Motek

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 3:45 pm

Can you think of someone who dresses the way you want to look? Can you ask her all the questions you asked here? She'll be flattered and you'll get the practical advice you want.

↑ elisecohen ↓

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 3:50 pm

Frumie, we always joked that what they'd wear in Baltimore on Shabbos is what we'd wear to a chassana; what they'd wear every day is what we'd wear on Shabbos; and what they'd wear to mop their floors is what we'd wear everyday. There are definitely different styles or standards of dress in different communities. We didn't mean anything against Baltimore by this; we just meant that down here we dress more shlumpie than they would ever dream of wearing there.

↑ frumie

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 4:07 pm

not to insult anyone, but I always get a kick out of women in crown heights wearing 4 in. stilleto heels while pushing a double stroller. the only post baby wedding I went to, I was nervous all night that I would fall on my face and take the kid down with me. I stopped wearing heels when I got pregnant and wasn't used to them, and they weren't even that high. I used to be able to handle them. once my husband commented on me getting dressed up to go to go out, but not for him. he's not that type of guy so I tried puttin gon makeup a little more, but he never notices unless he sees me doing it.

Tefila ↓

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 4:23 pm

Quote:

so get lower heels, the point is that nice shoes contribute up to 50% of your look

I totaly agree and love nice shoes too Tongue Out

RedVines

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 4:54 pm

I am in the same boat, and there is someone who I would LOVE to dress like, but for me is sooo not practiacal...2 little kiddies and I am 7 months preggers so you can forget me looking super good! I happen to love short (tzinus) skirts but I hate tights...which is why in the winter I usually wear a really nice pair of black boots up to the knee, heels etc. with a mid calf skirt...always looks nice...it is thesummer where I have the problem, I always end up with the black or jean skirt...feeling shlumpy!

love this thread!

↑ elisecohen

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 5:00 pm

Is there one outfit you have you really like? Would it be possible to find a pattern similar to that style and then make other outfits in different fabrics to suit different situations (dressy/casual; summer/winter, etc)?

If you want to splurge, FLAX brand outfits are great. They tend to be casual but nice, easy care, fairly classic, and lots of tznius styles. Even the linen ones are meant to be machine washed and worn slightly wrinkly. They aren't oversized or shlumpie, they're just not fitted.

chocolate moose ↓

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 5:07 pm

What about a blouse and skirt look, or a two piece outfit look?

tzipp

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 5:35 pm

A few pointers:
-color- stick to mostly nuetrals (black,grey,khaki,white,cream,beige) with a few things to brighten your look- but buy the same colors you like over and over again so that your wardrobe will match.
-in order to not need to bo out a whole new wardrobe every few years because you have worn everything to death, buy a few new things each season- yes, around four times a year so that you will slowly build up your closet and be replacing old things constantly.
-set a budget for each seasons shopping trip- be reasonable- you deserve to look metchlich and not feel guilty for spending a set amount that you can manage. I think that looking put together (not fancy, but tznius and well kept) is a priority.
-throw out or give away what you can't or shouldn't wear because they are too worn out or the style is something you will never wear. (though not the various sizes, since you may need them through different points of pregnancy, post, etc.) this will help you with choosing what to wear- only things that you like will be in your closet.
-as for comfortable nice outfits- hard to find but worth the search- basic sweaters, nice T-shirts, long skirts made of a nice fabric, nice shoes, and a nice purse.Stick to basic shapes like cardigans and v-necks, and solid colors that won't go out of style so fast- maybe try old navy for some affordable basics.

Hope this helps, and happy shopping!

↑ chocolate moose

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 7:26 pm

Look around for the look you like - Talbot's has classics, but can be expensive. Try to find clothes like that at Lord & Taylor or wherever you shop that has quality stuff.

If you are buying new Shabbos clothes, you can use the old stuff for Rosh Chodesh or chol hamoed, lechaims, or other events during the week.

juggler

Mon, Jan 23 2006, 2:35 pm

This is what I figured out after lots of trial and error. I'm the type of person who can live with the same clothing for years, so I finally took a look at my closet and figure out the styles/ colors that looked best on me and flattered my problem spots. When I go shopping, the first thing I look for is that article of clothing (in my case certain styles of tops/ jackets) and once I find one that fits the bill, I try to find two skirts to match to give me some alternatives. I also found some great machine washables in department stores!! And again, great shoes or a belt can really change an outfit.

amother

Mon, Jan 23 2006, 2:46 pm

Find the colors that look good on you and buy some tshirts in that color. Or if you are a blouse person then buy shirst in that color. Then you have the washable basics to keep you going.
Now you can wear those tshirts under a blazer, or a nicer sweater or cardigan whatever...and only wash the tshirt underneath.

zigi

Mon, Jan 23 2006, 3:00 pm

h&m has some really nice clothes you just have to dig around they also have reasonable prices a lot of it looks like what the frum stores have but they are much cheaper! oldnavy also has a great long skirt its black and washable it not knit its cotten and it looks put together with a nice button down shirt. they also have really nice sweaters also if you buy classic looking clothes it can really last, also try on before you buy some things don't look so great when they are on. go with someone who will give you an honnest opinion, or bring it home try it on and then return. I ask my husband if he thinks its to tight or if it fits or not, he's pretty good about it, also try it on before a full size mirror to see if it looks ok also invest in some nice shoes they can make a basic outfit look really put together, marshalls and macys have shoes for very good prices, you should shop during the sale times. also payless has some nice shoes. ann taylor loft has some very nice clothes and it looks very put together and dressy. they also have great sales racks. also if buying a pattern with a specific color try to match it with some thing they have in the store. because some times stores have a specific shade that its hard to match at other places. also there are a lot of different shades of brown and navy blue. good luck and have fun!

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