DS in pre-K being bullied. WWYD?

amother ↓

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 12:22 pm

DS who has been in pre-K at day school since September started complaining about a boy (let's call him WO, the Wild One) in his class over the last few weeks or so. First DS was telling me that WO was hitting him, then another day it's WO poking DS's eyes, and yesterday DS was complaining WO was putting his hands around DS's neck! Every time I hear these incidents, I tell the class teachers, the acknowledge WO is having "adjustment problem" and promise to keep an eye on him, but in the end nothing gets done. I think DS is being attached during the break or right after school when teachers supervisions are limited. DH is pretty fed up and decided to bring this up straight to the principle. As it turned out,there are other children in the same class who are attacked by WO. Thankfully DS doesn't mind going to school, but occasionally he says things like "Mummy I'm happy it's shabbat because I don't have to go to school" and it breaks my heart.

DH is now suggesting we should consider switching DS's school, but it doesn't look like a good solution as my other kids are in the same school and we just cannot manage the logistics of multiple school drop-offs and pick-ups, not to mention other day schools are much further away/more expensive/ oversubscribed/wrong hashkafa. Failing that, DH is now suggesting we should send a letter to Board of governor which I don't think would achieve anything. I've spoken with another mum whose son seems to be attacked by WO, and she is also frustrated by the situation. I really don't know WO or his parents, his mother speaks very little English. Teachers think the thing would go quiet once WO adjusts as he has never been in playgroup/nursery unlike the majority of children in DS's class.

So what are my options? I really want to keep DS at the current school. Am I over-reacting? Is this something that goes away over time? (But what if it doesn't? I would hate to have DS traumatised, as I was bullied when I was a child so I know the pain). Should I contact WO's parents directly? If so how should I approach them? At what point should a disruptive child who can potentially harm another child should be expelled?

bubby

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 1:35 pm

Mega dittos, but don't threaten to pull out your kids yet. Rather, go as a group to the principal, & THEN the Board. You need to take the lead if other moms are not doing it. There's strength in numbers. However, I question what action the principal is taking now she knows about your son, & acknowledges there are other victims. The bully sounds like a candidate for some therapy of some kind & his parents probably need some parenting skills. The language barrier is a problem, but I'm sure someone in authority can communicate with them. Poor English skills is a cop-out. Don't let a lazy Question

administration get away with that one. It's an old ploy to avoid responsibility.

You are right that this may traumatize him, even at such a young age. It sets up a hatred & distrust of school if it goes unchecked.

pecan

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 3:25 pm

If I were you, I would also collect evidence on the affects of bullying. Do you know that the columbine killings were done by kids that had been bullied? There is strong evidence of suicides committed, post traumatic stress disorder, and trauma from being bullied.
No child should have to feel unsafe in the classroom.
It is essential that the meeting be done immediately.
My son was bullied and we took care of it immediately. It is never something that could wait.
That being said, standard hitting from time to time is not considered bullying.
Bullying is when a kid knowingly physically or emotionally harasses a child consistently.
If they are fighting over a toy car and the other child hits quickly, that is not bullying. That is a child who doesn't know how to express his needs and is lacking in social skills. If this is ongoing, that child should be evaluated and the teacher must have a system in place to deal with it.
Regardless, the mothers should have a meeting to ensure that it is being handled immediately.

↑ amother

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 11:57 am

Hi I’m the OP amother here. I haven't approached the school with other parents yet. But I spoke with one of the mothers whose child is also picked by the Wild One. Now she has a totally different attitude and it kind of opened my eyes. She and her son are inviting the Wild One for a playdate next week. Her philosophy is if you can’t win the case (like getting the WO expelled or change to a different school), you might as well mend the situation. At least she and hopefully WO’s mom can keep an eye on the boys. Even her son was saying “I’m gonna make friend with ___”). I’m so impressed with such positive and can-do attitude so I’m going to ask her how the playdate went, and maybe do the same.