Is this NORMAL level of picky eating?

amother

DarkGreen

Yesterday at 6:19 pm

Think of it this way: he actually eats multiple things in each of the important food groups. That's great! I'd leave it at that. I say this as someone whose kids are not at all picky and I am myself not picky, but I have a sibling with ARFID. Trust me, you don't even want to know what my sibling's list looked like at 9 (and it's still not great as an adult). As I mentioned, me and my kids eat just about anything, but even so, we all have some things we just don't care for. That's allowed! Nothing wrong with not liking something for whatever reason. So some people have a longer list of foods they don't like. As long as they will eat enough in the important categories, it's not something to make a big deal out of.

Chana Miriam S

Yesterday at 7:21 pm

My 28 year old son living with ASD was very sensory and picky in his early years. I remember when he would eat nothing but pasta. When he was 6 my father in law made a vegetable soup which out of nowhere he decided to eat and after that he would eat cooked vegetables, at least in the form of vegetable soup.

When that big black out happened (I think 2003) we were stuck outside our house (because I did not carry a key, we just entered through the garage with the garage door opener which of course was not working because no electricity.) My sister happened to be with us and she had cut up vegetables in her bag. My son started eating raw veg willingly that day.

When he was ten (we were not yet religious) we were at a sushi restaurant for the thousanth time since his birth and I don't know what possessed him to eat a sushi pizza with raw salmon on top. He'd usually eat chicken terriyaki or whatever while the rest of us including his 7 year old sister ate raw fish sushi. He took one bite, JUMPED up and said 'WHY didn't you ever tell me how good raw fish is?" I was flabbergasted. We had been in sushi restaurants since he was a little kid and he had always refused.

The last barrier was raw onions. I don't have an aha moment but it was annoying to make things he would otherwise eat and have him not willing because of raw onions. At some point in the last ten years he became willing to eat scallions and later, willing to eat shallots as long as they were finely cut. Now, he will eat raw onions as long as they are finely cut. It was never a flavor thing. He likes the taste but hated the texture. He actually cooks a lot of onions with his food on a regular basis, he just needed to get good with the texture of raw.

Now, at 28, while he has preferences, he is fine in general. We don't cook him special food when he eats with us, he eats what we eat.

The things I did were encouraging him gently to keep trying things. I always said 'good for you for trying something new' regardless of his reaction to it. I never pushed too hard just encouraged.

ONE thing I think mattered a lot was that when he wanted to learn to cook, I taught him how, from a pretty young age. Like from the time he was 5. At 7, he took over making lunch for his sister. I never had to throw out lunch food, because he put in what he liked. He planned it, cooked it and divvied it up between them. I was thrilled not to have to do it myself. She as thrilled because she loved her big brother and appreciated he did that for her. HE made a Rosh Hashana dinner when he was 12, and I was too sick to do it myself.

Anyways, if you traumatize them by pushing it too hard, you don't have great outcomes, I think. Your child eats a fair amount of variety from my perspective of what my son ate before he became more open to things. He seems to eat pretty well rounded meals. I doubt he is starving.

Added bonus story: When I was 16, I had a boyfriend who ONLY ate peanut butter and french fries. EVER. Thats it. I am not in touch with him but a friend is, I could ask what he eats now, but ultimately, we are 57 and he has been married for a long time, with kids (can't remember the details) so I guess he survived peanut butter and french fries for years on end.

scintilla

Yesterday at 7:30 pm

amother Coffee wrote:

Doesn't sound very picky to me. Many kids who are sensory ear way less than that. I know many who eat almost no fruits of vegetables at all.

Being sensory is a real thing and IMHO being tough on a kid who is picky for sensory reasons is not the way to go. It is sometimes hard for people who are not sensory to understand what the experience is like for people who are sensory, including their own children. IME kids who are picky for sensory reasons will try things from time to time as they get older and gradually expand their repertoire of foods.

It does not reflect on your parenting or how good a mother you are. It is just your sons nature. He is probably not trying to be difficult. It's hard for me to say without knowing you and your son but I would be careful not to make it into too big of an issue or you will just cause yourself unnecessary stress and will potentially set up a dynamic where he becomes even more resistant to trying things because he doesn't like the pressure surrounding it.

ETA to answer your last question - the best way to get him to try more foods is probably to not pressure him so much. I think it is kind of harsh to almost force a kids who has sensory sensitivities to try foods that he is averse to, and it is no wonder that he would melt down. He is most likely not trying to be difficult. It is probably actually very uncomfortable, almost painful, for him to eat those foods and he may feel bad that he is not able to do what you expect of him. Accepting his sensitivities and helping him understand that it is ok to be sensitive and not to like things, but it is also great if he sometimes stretches himself to try something new, will probably be more effective than pressuring him.

Agree 100%!! With sensory kids pushing them pretty much always backfires. I don't make them a separate meal, but I make sure there's one thing they'll eat available and the rest is up to them.

I hope my picky eaters eat as much as your son when they're older!!

↑ kermit ↓

Yesterday at 8:01 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Sounds like he eats more then me ….

Definitely completely normal for a 9 year old .
And I’m concerned that you say that you push him. Even more concerning is that you push him while he is crying .
Please stop. Never push him to eat anything again . Would you like if someone forced you to eat something you don’t like ?

it's good to hear it's normal for a 9 year old.

I hear why it might sound concerning as nuance doesn't always come through on worded posts and so appreciate you bringing it up. me and him are totally ok b"H we have a good relationship. He can do hard things. licking a fork with a new food and then taking a gulp of orange juice after is fine, he'll live, even if he's whining/kvetching/dry sobbing. doing hard things is good practice in life (obviously up to a point, hence why I haven't been successfully in forcing. I won't/haven't pushed him past his limit.)

yes I was forced to eat things all the time I didn't like as a kid. I didn't love it, I'll admit.

it's still a parents job to push their kid to reach outside their comfort zone, within reason - my personal mehalech as a parent. with lots of validation and love.

at the same time, if it's going to self-correct itself and he's not being too picky, there's no need for me to push him. gotta pick your battles as a parent!

Last edited by kermit on Thu, Jan 16 2025, 8:04 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ kermit

Yesterday at 8:03 pm

Chana Miriam S wrote:

this gives me a LOT of hope! thank you!!