Miserable living in Monroe

amother

Dustypink ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:22 pm

synthy wrote:

The older ones have maybe 8 people per building, with private entrances. The newer ones like the one I live in have 40 apts, 8 people per entrance. I’m happy that my kids always have company available (my son goes out in the hallway and screams “neighbors! Kimts shpeelen!”) but it’s intense. I actually have a few neighbors that moved to the outskirts this year alone because they couldn’t handle it anymore.

So you live in the chulent pot Wink

(Your son sounds adorable!)

amother

↑ Dustypink ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:25 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

I live in BG and love love the privacy.

Once your kids are older it becomes harder and harder to live so far from center of where things happen. Friends weddings yeshiva functions etc etc.

Also Darkei Yosher keh...

And the houses here also keh poy poy I mean unless you're rich and can afford a gut renovation...

I love the simplicity and diversity and the easiness here.
Pajamas on my back and front porch.

It’s bliss.

Love the privacy too! I’m a city kid, and this is bliss! B’H.
I’m not a huge shopper, so I’m fine. Especially with Walmart deliver to home and drive goods. And yay, canopy!

DY LOL

but jokes on us…

Not all the houses here need gut renovations… I only need CLOSETS.

Yes, the simplicity and all is awesome! But I wonder where you live. I hear Virginia area does have some peer pressure. Love love love my block. But hate that we’re getting condos here…

amother

↑ Amber ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 10:51 pm

synthy wrote:

You guessed it 😏. I have a tablet and a home office, my neighbors kids never see it. And honestly no one would care. Most people have access through “their husbands business tablet”. Some of my neighbors for sure have smartphones because we WhatsApp each other. One neighbor is holier than thou and makes sure to always mention how she doesn’t have text, so I’m a shiksa to her anyway. Anyhow, I’m a freelancer so I need it l’tzoirech parnusa. I do hope to rent a real office soon.

I work until 4, so I’m not stuck with the yentas all day BH. I don’t think I’d be able to survive that.

Now I'm super neigerig what you do, do you maybe write for balebuste?....

↑ synthy ↓

Yesterday at 5:19 am

amother Dustypink wrote:

דריי פינטלעך

Lol!!! No that’s not me, but my sisters have been choished me for a while that I am. I guess our writing style is similar.

amother

Dandelion ↓

Yesterday at 5:49 am

I moved to the outskirts from a spacious apt in a 20 family building several years ago. I just needed some quiet and air to breath. Best decision ever. Especially during covid when my kids had a backyard to run around in. And yes, ppl can be yentish everywhere. But you cannot compare. I would love to have more closet space some day, but we're managing just fine bh. I do all my orders online, so convenient.

amother

Forsythia ↓

Yesterday at 6:09 am

Back to the op.

Utopia is not found anywhere.

My close friend moved to Monsey outskirts. She is having an incredibly hard time making new friends. People are very isolated there.
Another close friend moved to Linden. It was a complete bust.
I actually have a friend who moved to the Catskills all year round and she is extremely happy there. No peer pressure, country life, living with nature. But ironically it is an even more frum lifestyle than Monroe, if that’s what’s bothering you.

Relocating can be amazing (and please stop worrying about your parents, you’re not a child). But you need to have your inner demons in order before you run. Remember that when you move, you are taking yourself along. Happiness will not suddenly appear when you have a new address.

amother

↑ Amber ↓

Yesterday at 6:14 am

synthy wrote:

Lol!!! No that’s not me, but my sisters have been choished me for a while that I am. I guess our writing style is similar.

Don't tell me you are the one and only Benjy.....

amother

↑ Amber ↓

Yesterday at 6:16 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

There are 20 family buildings in the outskirts?

Where?

amother

↑ Forsythia

Yesterday at 6:33 am

amother OP wrote:

I grew up here, got married here gave it many chances but I hate every single day here.
The judgment every second of the day and every breathe I give, the peer pressure, the rules upon rules, the staring, the gossiping...
I wish I can move, I am so stuck, both our parents live here and would put up a huge racket if we move away..

I have stages from serious depression to coping somewhat, to horrible thoughts,...you'd never imagine.

If you moved away, what gave you the courage? How did you deal with hate in the family? What was the deal breaker? What advice can you give to have the courage and take the leap?

Feeling pressure every second of the day and every breath is not normal. There is definitely a lot of conformity and expectation to fit into a box in Monroe, but what are describing sounds way out of the norm. I would suggest finding the root of your unhappiness. Again, no one is obligated to live anywhere they dislike. But I’m suspecting there is a lot more going on than living in Monroe. Your op was quite strongly worded.

↑ synthy ↓

Yesterday at 7:16 am

amother Forsythia wrote:

I agree. When you’re in a dark place, everything feels overwhelming and unbearable.

amother

Cognac

Yesterday at 7:21 am

synthy wrote:

I agree. When you’re in a dark place, everything feels overwhelming and unbearable.

Sometimes being around certain people can actually cause depression. I don't mean everyone in Monroe, but I mean maybe OP's family/in laws are too overbearing, maybe her particular social circle, I don't know, but without knowing more, I don't think we can simply blame one's mental health. Breaking away from living near my parents (I'm not from Monroe) definitely took a lot of weight off of me.

amother

Mauve ↓

Yesterday at 7:22 am

I live in Monroe and I have nothing with my neighbors. I don't ever talk to them. Smile from time to time when I see them. I would have no problem living on a farm with no neighbors either.

Wouldn't someone like op who cares about interactions with her neighbors find it hard to live alone? I'm so confused.

↑ synthy ↓

Yesterday at 7:25 am

amother Cognac wrote:

For sure. But I remember earlier this year I was going through a few weeks when I was depressed (due to the BC I was on)and everything was so gloomy. I hated my everyone. I lashed out at my kids. I wanted to kill my neighbors. And then when I felt better all of a sudden I was no longer angry and triggered by all these things, life was rosy once again.

amother

↑ Mauve ↓

Yesterday at 12:05 pm

synthy wrote:

I want to rent offices to women only just outside of KJ. Is it something you would be interested in? $10 a way with non Jewish car service. Just working on finishing everything up so the offices will each be private.