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Forum
-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Moving/ Relocating
amother
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 Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:32 pm
I grew up here, got married here gave it many chances but I hate every single day here.
The judgment every second of the day and every breathe I give, the peer pressure, the rules upon rules, the staring, the gossiping...
I wish I can move, I am so stuck, both our parents live here and would put up a huge racket if we move away..
I have stages from serious depression to coping somewhat, to horrible thoughts,...you'd never imagine.
If you moved away, what gave you the courage? How did you deal with hate in the family? What was the deal breaker? What advice can you give to have the courage and take the leap?
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amother
Alyssum
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:35 pm
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this OP.
I'm not in your community so I cannot fully understand the situation. But what does your husband say? Is he on board to move?
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Einikel
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:36 pm
Maybe try reposting in the velt?
You'll probably get more relevant responses there.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:37 pm
Im sorry you’re dealing with this. I totally get you!
My husband grew up there and when we first got married he’d say he would go live there in a heartbeat. He had a decent experience growing up, plus boys have a lot more freedom than girls. (At least they used to.) These days when we go visit, he can’t fathom that he ever felt that he can live there.
If you feel that moving away is not an option, would you consider moving out of the shtetl? I have family members who live on the outskirts and they have a much easier, less judgmental experience.
Also, even when parents put up a fuss at first, they get used to almost everything eventually. It can be tough while you’re getting pushback, but you’ll be grateful that you pushed through it when things calm down.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:50 pm
Come to BG!
Moved to kj 10 years ago. I HATED it.
I had sweet neighbors. And judgmental ones... like in any place there was a mix. But the lifestyle and condo living. (I grew up in a prive house. Got married lived in a brownstone on top of my landlord in bklyn)
Moved to condo in kj. hated EVERY SINGLE MOMENT.
Everyone was too close for comfort. There was lots of Judgement in bklny too, but noone was so close.
So we moved to BG. Never looked back.
I remember sitting in my living room, the first day after the kids were in school. (Moved September 1st) and I looked out and breathed in the clean air, the privacy, the peace. And I thought this is what Gan eden is.
I took a walk with my little kids in pj's (chv to walk out in pj's in kj or bklyn- gut zul baheeten! Bklyn is so much worse with this) and it was so peaceful calm. My then 4 yo said, "aza sheina velt!" Lots of trees, flowers. Sunset was something else.
And they are a short bus ride away from the school they are used to. And all establishments and my siblings who moved to kj and other areas around kj. From dhs family (dh is from here).
I feel horrible telling you this, becuase I know how misserable one can be if the poeple around you don't jive with you.
If you and dh grew up here, it's not just about relocating, it becomes a "thing"
I'm sorry, I'm just being honest.
I'd suggest you try different neighborhoods around kj, before you actually move to monsey/Lakewood/bklyn/linden.
My old neighbor from kj (also from bklyn originally) also HATED kj for similar reasons, she moved to linden. Her kids travel to bp for schools. She's very very happy bh.
But again, she's not originally from kj.
Her family is from willi and bp.
I find even withing BG, there are different "micro-cultures" within different neighborhoods. There is duelk area, Dallas area, Virginia area and Lake Shore area with many little clusters of yiddisha families in between.
Virginia Dallas and Lake Shore could be 4 hours drive for what I care. Very very very different.
And breaktime is over. Time to put the gezindel to bed!
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Ruchi
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 5:25 pm
| amother Pearl wrote: | Come to BG!
Moved to kj 10 years ago. I HATED it.
I had sweet neighbors. And judgmental ones... like in any place there was a mix. But the lifestyle and condo living. (I grew up in a prive house. Got married lived in a brownstone on top of my landlord in bklyn)
Moved to condo in kj. hated EVERY SINGLE MOMENT.
Everyone was too close for comfort. There was lots of Judgement in bklny too, but noone was so close.
So we moved to BG. Never looked back.
I remember sitting in my living room, the first day after the kids were in school. (Moved September 1st) and I looked out and breathed in the clean air, the privacy, the peace. And I thought this is what Gan eden is.
I took a walk with my little kids in pj's (chv to walk out in pj's in kj or bklyn- gut zul baheeten! Bklyn is so much worse with this) and it was so peaceful calm. My then 4 yo said, "aza sheina velt!" Lots of trees, flowers. Sunset was something else.
And they are a short bus ride away from the school they are used to. And all establishments and my siblings who moved to kj and other areas around kj. From dhs family (dh is from here).
I feel horrible telling you this, becuase I know how misserable one can be if the poeple around you don't jive with you.
If you and dh grew up here, it's not just about relocating, it becomes a "thing"
I'm sorry, I'm just being honest.
I'd suggest you try different neighborhoods around kj, before you actually move to monsey/Lakewood/bklyn/linden.
My old neighbor from kj (also from bklyn originally) also HATED kj for similar reasons, she moved to linden. Her kids travel to bp for schools. She's very very happy bh.
But again, she's not originally from kj.
Her family is from willi and bp.
I find even withing BG, there are different "micro-cultures" within different neighborhoods. There is duelk area, Dallas area, Virginia area and Lake Shore area with many little clusters of yiddisha families in between.
Virginia Dallas and Lake Shore could be 4 hours drive for what I care. Very very very different.
And breaktime is over. Time to put the gezindel to bed! |
If too many kj'ers end up moving to BG, then down the line, the same problems will end up happening, ie, judgmental, gossipy etc.
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amother
Mintcream
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 5:27 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I grew up here, got married here gave it many chances but I hate every single day here.
The judgment every second of the day and every breathe I give, the peer pressure, the rules upon rules, the staring, the gossiping...
I wish I can move, I am so stuck, both our parents live here and would put up a huge racket if we move away..
I have stages from serious depression to coping somewhat, to horrible thoughts,...you'd never imagine.
If you moved away, what gave you the courage? How did you deal with hate in the family? What was the deal breaker? What advice can you give to have the courage and take the leap? |
What about the outskirts of Monroe? Blooming Grove, Highland Mills, Woodbury Junction? It's a different world there.
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amother
Chocolate
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:24 pm
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Where is BG? Sounds like a utopia
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synthy
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:32 pm
| Ruchi wrote: | | If too many kj'ers end up moving to BG, then down the line, the same problems will end up happening, ie, judgmental, gossipy etc. | Not really because it’s a different style of housing. One person per house, not 10 in one hallway.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:33 pm
| synthy wrote: | | Not really because it’s a different style of housing. One person per house, not 10 in one hallway. |
No one lives in houses in KJ?
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synthy
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:38 pm
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Very few. Most of the old houses were knocked down to build up condos. Only the very old or very rich live in a house.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:39 pm
| synthy wrote: | | Very few. Most of the old houses were knocked down to build up condos. Only the very old or very rich live in a house. |
What sort of size are the condos? I'm just a curious outsider so feel free to ignore my questions if you prefer.
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amother
Lemonlime
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:39 pm
Each house is a bunch of different units, think front, back and both sides. Now each separate apartment might be big and roomy, but in the end they're all living on each other's heads.
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amother
Clear
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:41 pm
A) Move to Woodbury Junction, or Highland Mills, or surrounding area.
B) Does your husband want to move? Have him look for a job in Brooklyn, Monsey, Lakewood. and then say he got a great offer he can't refuse.
C) Just move, and people will adjust. Your happiness matters. It'll take time for them to accept, but they will eventually, especially if you're not planning to make other lifestyle changes. If you are, they'll adjust to that as well. Your sanity is important.
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amother
Celeste
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:41 pm
It’s really hard.
Especially that Monsey mosdos are giving such hell.
I hope you find a solution that works for you.
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amother
Honey
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:44 pm
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Hope you find menicha, wherever you are. Please make sure that you dont blame you depression on your location. If you feel depressed, take care of that. Then decide with your husband what is best for you and your family. Hatzlacha
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amother
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:46 pm
| amother Celeste wrote: | It’s really hard.
Especially that Monsey mosdos are giving such hell.
I hope you find a solution that works for you. |
Why are Monsey mosdos giving hell? They are not under Monroe rule as far as I know.
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synthy
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Mon, Jan 13 2025, 6:46 pm
| amother NeonOrange wrote: | | What sort of size are the condos? I'm just a curious outsider so feel free to ignore my questions if you prefer. | The older ones have maybe 8 people per building, with private entrances. The newer ones like the one I live in have 40 apts, 8 people per entrance. I’m happy that my kids always have company available (my son goes out in the hallway and screams “neighbors! Kimts shpeelen!”) but it’s intense. I actually have a few neighbors that moved to the outskirts this year alone because they couldn’t handle it anymore.
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