Big house simple family

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 2:58 pm

We live in a simple house in queens. Looking into moving to the 5 towns (probably woodmere).

Houses are a fortune. We are simple type, but like nice things. No fancy vacations, no designer.. yeshivish family.

My parents offered us to buy a ridiculously priced house. Bh they can afford it. But we feel so embarrassed?/out of place living in such a big beautiful house that we totally can’t afford. Yeshivish area but still… are we going to feel out of place? Are our neighbors in the same boat that they can’t afford their house either and are simple too? Rhetorical question obvs

Feels funny. And no I’m not gonna introduce myself as “hi we are simple ppl but my parents bought us our house”

And my parents aren’t known as wealthy like “oh your a Rothschild so obvs your parents bought this for you”

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:05 pm

There are sooo few houses in the area we feel comfortable. And it’s not like the houses that are old and small are cheap.

I just want relatable neighbors that I won’t feel like I have to keep up with.

lamplighter ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:07 pm

I would find out more about the neighbors. It's important for kids to feel similar and comfortable with the neighbors and their lifestyle. If everyone else on that block/area is into designers and fancy things, you and your kids won't feel comfortable.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:08 pm

I’m a simple person in a big fancy house. The first year we lived in our neighborhood, I got invited to all the cool people’s homes for lunch and shalishudis, I got invited to go with them for manicures and out for coffee. Years later I have the best solid friends who are predominantly not these women. My fried much simpler, most live in simpler homes and we are just less fancy people.

You will definitely be “judged” when you first move in, but as people get to know you and you become involved in the community, you will find the right place. (You may end up hosting the simchas as you have the space. I love that I can use my house for my friends bar mitzvah dinner for family and 7B)

amother

DarkGreen

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:23 pm

I think who your neighbors are important for your kids.

Like we live in a neighborhood were ppl live in diff size homes but everyone is really simple. Like no name brands. No electric scooters. No flying for vacations. I feel like the neighborhood values have shaped my kids much more than their school friends or environment.

I wouldn’t have a problem living in a bigger house. I’d be concerned if the neighbors of the bigger homes have values that are in sync with my own and how that will influence my kids snd myself.

amother

Lime

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

Afaik 5 towns isn’t simple.

amother

PlumPink

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:40 pm

Take it and don't look back. Big houses are a necessity (I have a small one) Hashem is giving you a huge bracha, say thank you and take it. And you don't need to be embarrassed BH your family can gift it to you. Be happy and grateful!

amother

Mintgreen

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:46 pm

We daven for a “dirah nuch-eh”

Space makes so much of a difference.

“Shachein Tov”
Your kids can’t be the black sheep of the neighborhood. The only ones without designer clothes and accessories, the only one without the latest gadgets.
If there are a sprinkling of people like you, that should be ok

amother

Sunflower

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:47 pm

lamplighter wrote:

This
My sister’s in laws gave them a generous down payment on a house in Lakewood, new construction.
They were able to get a mortgage at 2.3%
They have a rental income of $2000
They pay out of pocket $1800
Problem is everyone on the block are super wealthy so the kids are constantly asking in order to keep up.
This puts a great strain on the family
Her husband has been out of work for almost a year
Kids just want whatever everyone else outside has

They can’t sell and move because they still owe years on the mortgage and where are they going to find a rental for $1800

mha3484 ↓

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:51 pm

I agree with the posters regarding the neighbors. To me its extremely important. There are blocks in my neighborhood you couldn't pay me to to live on because the peer pressure is so high. I like living in my area where people are much more low key. The ones who did big extensions did it in a way that does not scream look at me. This is what I want my kids to imbibe.

amother

Papayawhip

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 3:52 pm

It’s beautiful that your parents can help you in such a meaningful way. Having space allows for harchavas hadas, which is invaluable regardless of how fancy the home is.
However, a large house also comes with significant upkeep costs, including taxes, utilities, and maintenance. Please keep that in mind as you move forward.

amother

Nemesia

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:06 pm

I know people who live in mansions but are simple in other areas of their life

I know people who live in small simple houses but have very expensive taste everywhere else

Actually most of my high maintenance friends come from simple homes, not wealthy ones

I say do it if you can afford it (the upkeep of a bigger house)

Don’t cut your nose to spite your face- rejecting a gorgeous house because people might think you are the type who needs a gorgeous house is a pretty silly reason IMO

oohlala

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:11 pm

Just have a plan in place for the peer pressure for you and your kids.
Why did you pick woodmere? Why not elsewhere? Are there other neighborhoods or blocks where pple are relatively simple and down to earth?

amother

Opal

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:14 pm

My aunt is very simple but she has great taste and a large beautiful family. After many tears of living in a small townhouse she built a beautiful functional large home but from the outside she did very plain siding and built it on a way it looked smaller from the outside so as not to show off.

My neighbor is very simple and yeshivish. When she extended her tiny bilevel to accommodate her large family kah she was very careful to cut back on certain finishes - like she did expensive cabinets in her be large kitchen that look like regular stock shaker but are better quality and did no tile backsplash ect.

A family member in Klei modest built a beautiful home exterior and interior. They owe lots of money, a big house doesn’t mean wealth.

We bought a home but it’s pretty small and very old on the outside. I told dh let’s focus on the inside. We don’t need to redo the outside it doesn’t look nice anyway. No one has of be impressed. Let’s make it as functional and beautiful in the inside as we can for our family.

So my point is every should do what works for them. No judgement.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Jan 13 2025, 4:20 pm

Take the house. I got gifted my home. We are on the simple side. I had someone one time drop something off at my house and says you live here?! like she was shocked.
We live in 5towns. We are not yeshivish