Chumash play or funeral?

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 1:34 am

We found out tonight that we have my husband's grandmother's funeral to go to this week. As of now it seems like we might be able to do both, but we won't know for sure until tomorrow.

We are parents of a child who is supposed to receive his Chumash Wednesday and the funeral is supposed to be on Tuesday.

Our school is small and when a few years ago we had a simcha that was potentially going to conflict with the chumash play the school, with enough time, was able to move the chumash play to accommodate us saying it is important for all the children to be there for this big occasion.

Now we have the opposite. I really want to be able to go to the levaya. My husband's grandmother was a big part of our lives. She was my husband's only remaining direct relative (all he has left are an aunt and uncle and cousins).

But what would you do if you had to choose?

amother

Amaranthus ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 1:44 am

Do you have someone who can stand in for you when child gets Chumash? Maybe your parents or a sibling, a good friend who is more like an aunt?

amother

↑ Amaranthus

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 1:50 am

singleagain wrote:

If they are on different days why would that conflict?

I would assume either typo or long distance travel required where they will not be able to be at both.

amother

Yolk

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 1:51 am

What is the issue? Or is the funeral in a different country and you won't be back in time?

(Also, why is the funeral being postponed until Tuesday? I thought it's supposed to be the 1st possible day? You don't need to answer this)

familyfirst

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 2:14 am

Go to the funeral

Best, ask the school to push off

Do not miss the funeral. Your child will have other milestones. This is a teachable moment for him.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:17 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

I would assume either typo or long distance travel required where they will not be able to be at both.

12 hour drive.

amother

Beige

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:20 am

familyfirst wrote:

Go to the funeral

Best, ask the school to push off

Do not miss the funeral. Your child will have other milestones. This is a teachable moment for him.

Perhaps the funeral has a zoom link to join, or one can be setup

Personally I would not choose a funeral over any of my kids milestone moments. My children are still alive BH and they are the ones I need to be present for

amother

Pear

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:23 am

I think Chumash play comes first! Your child will ALWAYS remember that you weren't there for him on his special day. I would have husband go to funeral and you go to Chumash play.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:28 am

If this were me we’d split up and one go to each without even much discussion, that seems the obvious thing to do. But it depends on your circumstances and family dynamics and relationships

amother

Viola

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:33 am

amother Pear wrote:

I think Chumash play comes first! Your child will ALWAYS remember that you weren't there for him on his special day. I would have husband go to funeral and you go to Chumash play.

Couldn’t agree more

amother

White

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:38 am

amother OP wrote:

12 hour drive.

Any way you could fly? Even if it will be expensive, it's worth it to be at both. Alternatively, could you bring a few people to the funeral and take turns driving back through the night?

amother

Steel

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:38 am

amother Pear wrote:

I think Chumash play comes first! Your child will ALWAYS remember that you weren't there for him on his special day. I would have husband go to funeral and you go to Chumash play.

100% agree. Your children are alive here and now, your grandmother would probably have wanted you to be at the Chumash play

amother

Sunflower

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:48 am

Can one person fly.
I missed my dds bec I had a baby that day. It was very hard for her.
The school was really nice and sent home a recording the next day so we could watch it together.

amother

Vermilion ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:57 am

The obvious answer is one of you at each. It’s your husband’s grandmother so let him attend funeral and you be there for your child. I would just check if you got the information right. It’s very unusual for a funeral to be days after the person dies.

amother

Topaz ↓

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:59 am

Why are they waiting two days for the funeral? That is very unusual. The niftar should be buried ASAP so that the neshama doesn't have any tzar.

notshanarishona

Sun, Jan 12 2025, 11:59 am

I think either way DH needs to go , it’s his grandmother and his parent who is sitting shiva .
From your perspective , if your able to do both I would but otherwise go to the chumash party.
Also, keep in mind with driving vs flying that driving isn’t necessarily cheaper by the time you factor in tolls, gas, wear and tear on the car. Might be worth looking for a flight.