I HATE BEING POOR MIDDLE CLASS

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 11:52 am

I hate it.

I hate that my husband is working 45 hours a week plus a 3 hour daily commute plus some work at home and it's not enough.
I hate that I'm working 30 hours a week plus doing most the parenting and housekeeping because my husband is out of the house 13 hours a day
I hate that we're both told to work harder and also take more time off

I hate that we aren't eligible for Jerseycare but we can't afford health insurance so we're going into debt.

I hate that we're killing ourselves and we'll likely never be able to save enough to buy a house, and we're being priced out of rentals.

I hate that we are being accused of not paying enough for tuition.
I hate that a kid getting sick means panic for finding a copay. Also a Shabbos Mommy paper.

I hate having to beg for Tomchei Shabbos.

I hate that daycamp prices are skyrocketing but I need to pay camp so I can work.

Argghhhh

amother

Iris

Yesterday at 12:24 pm

Same here but not Lakewood. I work out of the home and am constantly told I don't make enough. Not enough for tuition, rent (below market rate by the way), food.
We finally got tomchei. Doesn't cover everything but it is a help.
I am so stressed out about money.
And then school says they need another $10 for this or bring in Shabbos snack for the class or anything else.
I don't even want to think about camp. And no help here for camp... there was a scholarship last year but it wasn't guaranteed and was someone who didn't pay yet. But we paid in advance and put it on the CC because I had to get a slot (so I could work) and had to get the discount but still went into debt for it. But didn't qualify for the help because technically we did pay.

I have no hope of ever owning unless someone else buys it or I win the lottery.
Yes we are both educated, fully licensed/degreed in our fields but high cost of living, frum life, and physical/mental health needs means we are not making it.

amother

Khaki

Yesterday at 12:26 pm

[quote="amother OP"]I hate it.

I hate that my husband is working 45 hours a week plus a 3 hour daily commute plus some work at home and it's not enough.
I hate that I'm working 30 hours a week plus doing most the parenting and housekeeping because my husband is out of the house 13 hours a day
I hate that we're both told to work harder and also take more time off

I hate that we aren't eligible for Jerseycare but we can't afford health insurance so we're going into debt.

I hate that we're killing ourselves and we'll likely never be able to save enough to buy a house, and we're being priced out of rentals.

I hate that we are being accused of not paying enough for tuition.
I hate that a kid getting sick means panic for finding a copay. Also a Shabbos Mommy paper.

I hate having to beg for Tomchei Shabbos.

I hate that daycamp prices are skyrocketing but I need to pay camp so I can work.[quote]

I’m in the same boat with most of what you wrote (but bH my kids are still on family care).
My kids don’t understand why we don’t automatically get certain maintenance/ upgrades on our apartment like our neighbors do. Hint: HUD mandates certain things, state law does not. They go to the local grocery with their friends and wonder why we can’t buy whatever we want with a special credit card for food (EBT). Why can’t they get new clothes and shoes from frum stores like their friends?

Why are we working the hardest and living the poorest?

(And why in the world do the neighbors, who are on every program and tzedakah) have kids who demean mine for not being ’in style’ because it’s ’not normal!’ Not to have all the ‘necessities’ (like $175 London Kids shoes- for weekday, Shabbos, fall, and spring, plus brand name natives, sneakers, and Uggs)?)

amother

Jean

Yesterday at 1:26 pm

I hate that my kids have to pay for things out of their own pockets that the "lower" class kids don't have to pay for because they are given it for free.
**We paid half of my daughter's seminary bill and she worked four summers to pay the other half but her lower class friends got so many scholarships that the parents share was less than our half and the kids paid nothing.
**My kids pay for part of their school lunch bill since they want hot food like their poor friends- if we paid full price for every kid it would cost us over $5000/year- but their lower class friends get it for free
**One kid worked hard all year to help pay for sleep away camp but watched her friends get chinuch discounts and their parents were able to cover the full cost because of the discount
**One kid paid for part of an outfit she really wanted since there was no way we could afford the full price and then finds out that her lower class friend got it for $20 at a chinuch sale.
**Another child paid out of her own money to have a certain upgrade at her chasunah that was important to her, she took it from her chasunah money after her and her chosson discussed it and then the chasunah hall went and used it the next night for a chinuch family who my daughter is friend's with since it was up anyway and didn't charge them. When my daughter found out her and her husband asked the hall why her friend was not charged or at the very least why the charge was not split between them and she was told because the father is a Rebbi. So my daughter had to pay out of her chasunah money but the other girl did not simply due to her father's job??

I can go on and on... like the time someone offered to do poor families children's hair for free for simchas so my nieces got their hair done. We couldn't afford it either and one of my kids paid out of her own money so she could look as nice as them. Why aren't the poor families kids able to save up their own money to pay for the extras?

This is what bothers me- why is it fair to the kids of the poor middle/working class that THEY have to work to pay for things? It hurts me that my kids are mad at us for not being lower class and this is what they aspire to. Someone once told me we should be happy we aren't poor, but we'd be better off if we were so what's there to be happy about? We don't see the extra money- On paper we have more but the extra all goes to pay for things we can't get for free and we are left with LESS. Why are my children punished for this?

Shira9

Yesterday at 1:37 pm

I feel you and feel so seen by this post! I’m not in the exact same position as you as I Bh own a tiny condo and don’t get tomchei shabbos. But the insurance is killing us!!! And I don’t think anyone who gets programs can fathom our expenses. On the outside it looks great to them that my husband and I both work at well paying jobs. They don’t realize that we pay FULL tuition since we don’t have vouchers, we’re paying exorbitant food prices with no foodstamps, we’re paying sky high insurance premiums, co-pays, deductibles, etc cuz we don’t qualify for government insurance, etc etc. It’s infuriating when I have friends and family dressing to kill, making glamorous simchas, and more, knowing they’re getting all these programs...

amother

Freesia ↓

Yesterday at 1:51 pm

Here's the thing: people who are "middle class" based on outdated pre-inflation numbers are poor working class in the here and now.

Instead of reducing the help they give the people who are even below the outdated poverty line, people should help working class people instead of pretending they are are middle class just because someone with their income a few decades ago would have been. Schools should offer a sliding scale for tuition. The government should reassess the eligibility for programs. Organizations should offer their services. And in turn, people who need the help should accept it.

amother

Hyacinth ↓

Yesterday at 2:12 pm

Oh how I love this post. MY SOAP BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We both have degrees work hard as anything and DONT HAVE TIME TO INCREASE INCOME like some wise people will say. My husband works for the MTA and is not part of the union and I work as a speech therapist. A dr office cost money! I can not just go to the urgent care for a throat culture instead of waiting for the regular dr becomes its a bigger co pay. And all those little chanukah tchachkes from amazing savings COSTS MONEY. Five dollars here ten dollars here it all adds up. No one gets it. but my friends little kids rattle off food stamps numbers by heart and come to buy ready food with it. which is a major PISS OFFF!!!!!!! thats not what food stamps is for. In the school I work in the morah looks at me like a nebach when I tell her I will take the half loaf of rye bread instead of her tossing it in to the trash because im thinking its one less thing to buy. But why??? I work so hard full time. I hate being middle class. Oh and the best part..... Hold on tight... The morah I work with says, " As much as I swipe my fs card theres still more money on it." Good for you.I really dont care but STOP RUBBING IT in people faces. End rant.

amother

↑ Hyacinth ↓

Yesterday at 2:26 pm

amother Poppy wrote:

Ready for the tomatoes but yeah thats why we stay "poor". I see that with me and dh its not possible to make great living. Just never gonna happen for several reasons. So we are the people who get programs and gift cards and scolarships etc.. But it doesnt feel so good either. I dont know the solution.
There basically is no such concept as middle class anymore.

My friends husband run businesses etc all off the books. I am talking about people who have cash flow from jobs yet are "poor " on paper. I hate them. I really do and for every reason listen in the above posts. OUR kids are the ones suffering. But I dont have that option to get undocumented income from anywhere so even if I do stay home and collect benefits joe biden doesnt pay for underwear. He might have if he stayed in office longer. You know what I am talking about..........

Trademark

Yesterday at 2:34 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

amother

↑ Freesia

Yesterday at 2:36 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

They're not poor, though, they're just committing fraud. There's a big difference between the people who are just on the other side of eligibility for programs - which is a legit grievance of its own right, when you land a dollar outside the eligibility requirements but someone else earns a dollar less - and the people who are just lying.

amother

↑ Hyacinth

Yesterday at 2:43 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

Im talking about the straight out liars... Which sadly theres a nice percentage of lets be honest....If you know you know........