The biggest divider between us

amother

↑ DarkRed ↓

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Read threads here.
Someone venting about midwinter and how she can't afford is told "go to XYZ museum and hotel, it's only $300"

Someone venting about working ft and being overwhelmed, she gets told to quit her job, babies need their mommies.

And so much here.

Absolute cluelessness

Imamother is another world. Or planet possibly. It's hard to take what some sawy seriously.

↑ mha3484 ↓

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:20 pm

I also think with vacations especially the divide is between the younger crowd versus older like me in my 40's.

My friends my age with big families who cant squish into their parents house for yomtov find midwinter much easier. A lot of my kids classmates and my friends who go away for midwinter go to their family not on a trip to be tourists somewhere. Even the ones in Florida. I have one friend who takes her kids to her parents in a warm state and works from their house all week.

My friends and I have built up seniority in our jobs so we have enough PTO for more then just yomtov and can often work from home. I am professional with a salaried position a decent amount of PTO. I have not taken an hourly job since my oldest was a toddler. When I was younger with young kids I didn't have this leeway and we didnt travel and it was not a fun week for anyone. I think its easy to forget what it was like when you are new to your career and your kids were little and you are still proving yourself.

amother

Currant

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:23 pm

I don’t think it is the biggest divider, but it is definitely a divider and the more time that passes, the more of a divider it is becoming.
Yes, there are already fancier schools, seminaries, restaurants, shaitel brands, clothing stores, camp programs, extracurricular activities etc that many of us cannot afford and cannot participate in. We are getting shut out of the things that have kept us in common.
Yes, we can talk Torah and that will keep us united. But if we no longer spend time together, then we are being divided

amother

↑ DarkRed

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 3:36 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Not everyone has a flourishing career. Not everyone builds up PT or can work remote. Not everyone can afford plane tickets for their family, even if they're not young.

amother

Aster

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 11:28 pm

Once I had a non-Jewish, liberal Dutch friend.

I would have expected (bc he was liberal) he would have been deadset against everybody (in the Netherlands, this was 2008ish so may have changed since then!) being forced to serve in the Dutch military, but he was actually supportive of it. He said (1) it gets all segments of society mixed together for those brief years they serve and (2) it makes the military be filled with all kinds of people instead of just gung-ho "I can't wait to go fight!" young men, like in America.

The last part was his words, and I actually think it was false and based on stereotypes, but IME the people voluntarily joining the US military were not the gung-ho type, but either came from military families or were poor and didn't have another good option when they turned 18. Rich Americans who are "I can't wait to go fight!" will just play Call of Duty, or pay a ton of money to hunt an elephant in Africa, but won't actually conscript.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 11:47 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

Sometimes, unintentionally, wealthier people directly put financial pressure on less wealthy people. Like when the standard for the school is to require students to purchase things that are to the wealthiest student the equivalent of putting a quarter in a gumball machine for the least wealthy student. Or when people go out to a restaurant and split the bill...

Or like my daughters high school is now having the students come every night for play practice and asking the parents to pay $2 per day for the transportation (for the entire month).

I don't have an extra $40 for this!!!

amother

Tuberose

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 9:21 am

amother Aster wrote:

I don’t agree with your observation about the military. As a US military wife, I’m close with many US service members and spouses. Yes, some join for financial reasons, and many join because they are looking for a family, and some because they are from military families, but most join because they are idealistic and want to do good in the world, or because they are immigrants (or children of immigrants) who actually appreciate what we have in this country, since they know very well how it compares to other countries; they are grateful, and they want to give back. Of all the hundreds of military service members I know, I can think of only one who joined because she was looking for a fight. (Instead she got a desk job, in the mail room! LOL)

amother

Acacia

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 10:08 am

amother Chartreuse wrote:

Exactly. It's like those with money are making decisions where they can't seem to imagine it being an issue. "But it's only $40" or "it's only $10 more". But when you don't have it, you don't have it. The stupid fundraisers they do where they sell stuff to students during school (snacks on special occasions, donuts on Chanukah etc etc). I just don't have it. And my kids feel bad. Or when I need to send in money for an extra project or trip or party...

I am dreading the week I have to do Shabbos snack...

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jan 07 2025, 10:31 am

amother Chartreuse wrote:

And opting out of play is not an option.
Even choosing to drive your daughter is still not an option because the transportation costs are mandatory.

Don't even get me started on uniforms. A specific shirt for $28 that's just like a $8 one just a logo. And the Gemach doesn't have anything.
Or a sweater for $54.

Can't they just have a dress code.