Is it possible to raise DD's social status?

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 2:43 am

Dd, 13, told me, as part of a casual conversation, that she is on the lowest rung of the social ladder in her class. Her friend, and a couple of girls she's friendly with, are there too. Good social skills don't come naturally to her, and we have worked on it over the years. She's polite and generally knows what the right thing is to do or say. She dresses well, however, she doesn't care for the latest trends and I'm not going to make her wear something just cuz everyone's wearing it. (Her words.)
Is there anything else to do?
I should add that she does very well academically, is a great student, and the teachers love her, but that doesn't seem to make a difference.

amother

Lightgreen

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 2:53 am

amother OP wrote:

Does she care? Or was she just stating out matter of fact?

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:01 am

Social status is from social skills, unfortunately those who are naturally born that way and have parents born that way are always the ones who will. Teaching can polish it up but not change the way you are wired. The other type is buying your way up with gashmius. But that is empty, false and still very limited. Good student isn't related. The fact that she has a group is good. The ones who are solo and group less are the lowest status. At least she is in a group. Hopefully her low status group accepts and likes her for who she is.

amother

Ultramarine

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:07 am

How is this even ranked?

If she is socially aware, dresses well, has a few friends, and is a good student then what's the problem? Being in the cool click is really overrated.

amother

Feverfew

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:30 am

If she has good friends I wouldn’t worry about it. Good Friends are the most important. Or if she is happy I would leave it.

If she is struggling with friends then you could call her school advisor and ask if there are any school events the girls are working on and if they can try to put her in a group of girls that she can be friendly with.

Don’t look for social status. Look for healthy positive friends.

amother

Caramel

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:32 am

Long term she’s better off. The very popular girls and the girls who got everything in high school have an incredibly hard time in adulthood. The girls where things weren’t always the easiest or the top are stable to transition much easier

amother

Bone

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 8:44 am

Not really much you could do. I was socially aware but not wealthy growing up and I was mid but definitely not top tier. Definitely nothing my mother could've done to change that...not that she would've lol

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 9:16 am

I genuinely don't understand the issue.

How does being "low status" manifest itself. Do teachers treat her differently and exclude her from stuff?

I ask because when I was in school there were groups of friends who had different interests. For example, there was a group of girls who were very interested in "running" things but my friends didn't want to do that. Other girls were interested in the play or other more artistic things. Others were "sporty" and others were more intellectual and liked reading and talking. Some were more into trends and some were just a mixture of things.

As others have stated there were some girls who had no friends who were just extremely odd in some way but girls with a group of friends didn't think of their group as having low status.

I mean there is a cliche about their being a Queen Bee and her group of girls but I didn't have that in my school.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:26 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

Does she care? Or was she just stating out matter of fact?

She said it matter of factly, but I think it bothers her. She said that in a group conversation, when she says something,no-one "hears" her. She feels her classmates' lack of respect for her.

tigerwife

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 3:43 pm

Presumably she is in seventh or eighth grade. When she enters high school, she will be able to start from scratch. Until then, appreciate her friends and work on social skills if you think any need work.
Does she attend sleep away camp? Does she have more friends there?

↑ Movernshaker

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

She said it matter of factly, but I think it bothers her. She said that in a group conversation, when she says something,no-one "hears" her. She feels her classmates' lack of respect for her.

Everyone has times that they're being heard and times that they're not being heard. This is normal unless there's a girl or a few girls who capture everyone's attention in a way that it loses balance and there's a one -up arrogant feel in the atmosphere. So there's 2 things you need to be on the lookout. 1- monitor the amount of times that she IS being heard so she does have the opportunity to speak up. 2- arrogance in the air.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 4:31 pm

I was never very social, I had one or two good friends. But I was always popular because my parents were well off and that came with certain perks. For example, I always had really good parties. Or my parents would make donations to the school during fundraisers that allowed our class to get extra stuff, things like that