My teen daughter has a terrible memory problem

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amother

OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 2:42 pm

What to do? She is always forgetting things. And I dont mean like a test in two weeks. I mean like I asked her to do something or put something away and if she doesnt do it that second, its completely forgotten.
I dont know how to help her. I do think she has adhd, she had an evaluation before entering high school, and was told she had some concentration issues, but she refuses to get an actual diagnosis and absolutely refuses to take anything to help herself.
Any ideas?

amother

Eggshell ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 2:47 pm

Technology.

I have a smartwatch. When someone asks me to do something I can't do that second, I tell Siri, "remind me to sign Leah's test".

Then when I sit down at night, I check my to-do list. If I was having trouble remembering to do it, I would set a nightly alarm for 9:30 pm, "check to do list."

I have an app that walks me through getting ready in the morning or bedtime with the kids so I don't forget things.

I need to put things on my phone calendar right away, with a few alarms, or there is no way I will ever remember them.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 2:50 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

While this is a great idea, she wont remember to set a reminder. Its that bad.

amother

↑ Eggshell

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 2:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

While this is a great idea, she wont remember to set a reminder. Its that bad.

You can help her do it. Of course she won't remember right away, it's a skill. But using technology makes it much easier.

amother

DarkKhaki

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:07 pm

It doesn't sound like memory. It sounds like she doesnt process the information to begin with. She needs to store the information she hears in order to retain it. She may very well have ADD or need language therapy to help with processing and working memory.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:14 pm

Does she forget what SHE has planned, or only what you or others want from her?

amother

Cerise

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:33 pm

Probably ADHD. Honestly, start her now with an ADHD coach. You can't medicate it away, she will need custom coping skills for life.

I would offer her if she thinks it would be an idea to get a coach that specializes even though they usually begin with adults, they can do it with a teen and it will be better long term. Hopefully she thinks its a great idea because I wouldn't force it.

If not natural consequences will be her teacher, and that will probably make you crazy but it does work.

amother

Jean

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:14 pm

Did she have difficulty with learning to speak? Read? It sounds like a brain processing function is not working right. I wouldn't call it a memory issue. It's like the info isn't actually going in in the first place.

amother

Cadetblue

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:31 pm

This is called Executive Function disorder. It is a component of ADHD and what you describe is a classic case. It's not memory.
Purchase this book: Smart but Scattered on Amazon and read it. It will tell you what to do for each scenario and create workable plans.

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