What do you put on dd's shidduch resume?

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 6:31 am

Mechitunim also gives you a basic understanding of who this family is.

Also grandparents.
So the father's name is Dovi Honig and the mother is Chava Patriski.
Now how should I know which Honig and which Patriski?

It makes it easier for me to do research if I have a basic picture of who the family is.

Sometimes there's an innocent detail on the resume like the fathers workmate which makes me jump as in oh! I know this reference- let me call them.

Maybe he won't know the girl but he will be able to tell me who would know us and them.

I much sooner call someone that knows me and them than a completely random person.

Which shul they daven in is also important.

Again, the more facts the easier to do research.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 6:21 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Description and what the person is looking for is the norm here. No one wants a random.

ITA but that's not how it's done in yeshivish circles in the US. I found resumes to be practically useless except as a source of people to call--but as these have been handpicked by the candidates, they're not necessarily the best sources of what you really want to know.

Yes, it would be nice to know, before you go through the rigmarole of phone calls, if the girl is lively or quiet, extroverted or shy, looking for a kovea ittim or someone planning to learn fulltime in kollel for the rest of his life.

But I suspect that if they did start putting in this kind of info, they would all fall back on the identical platitudes: looking for a real mensch, a Ben Torah who will help me build a Bayis Ne'eman, blablabla. Which is pretty much what the people I called told me, too. It would have saved a lot of time to have this on the resume. I really couldn't care less which yeshivas the girl's brothers went to or whom her sisters married.

amother

Garnet

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 7:45 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

How does one make note of parents and girl’s or boy’s conversion? How should it be listed or should it be listed at all in a resume?

Ask your Rabbi if you are required to disclose that in a resume. I got married over a decade ago, but I was told I only need to reveal that information (for me it was a parent's conversion, not my own) at the 3rd date.
However, my mother's maiden name listed on the resume pretty much gave it away.

amother

Azure ↓

Sun, Dec 29 2024, 11:43 pm

amother Blonde wrote:

So the point of resumes is to just give you a list of numbers to call....the stuff you had to hand record for each shidduch back when I got married 20 years ago...... until simeone said, "let me just email it to you" and the rest is history.

Downside is there is no "cost" to redt a Shidduch as it takes no time to send a resume. So boys mothers are inuudated. A generation ago the transcription time put a brake on things.

So in the yeshivish world you still have to hand record the qualitative description of the girl that should hopefully precede your being sent her resume.....you certainly should be getting what she wants basic frumkeit and learning wise and basic personality. Seems like you didnt.

Also, while you dont find yeshivas and muchatonim helpful, I find the schools (of all siblings) to give a nice basic picture of the family type. So hard when dating a youngest!

Muchotonim are for jewish geography and to call to hear how wonderful the parents are. Also, these people are the only ones on the resume that cant be picked and they simetimes slip in their rosy descriptions.

For op, resumes differ slightly in different circles. I called up a friend who had married of a son in similar circles and she sent me 5 resumes. I also got from dds friends.

For references, I put on and like to see for family references at least one neighbor ideally of a similar age, one long time friend, one good friend. I then expand from there when doing research. Pick people who know what to say.
For the young persons friends pick people who speak well and have your child update them on what theyre about

Chayalle ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 4:54 am

amother Garnet wrote:

I would think parents' conversion less of an issue than if the boy/girl him/herself is a convert....especially as a female convert cannot marry a Kohein.

↑ Chayalle

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 4:56 am

Mechutanim are a very important source of information, if they exist (assuming they already have married children!) I like hearing how comfortable their children are in the family, and if it was easy and pleasant to make a Simcha with them.

I have a close relative who has very very difficult mechutanim who continue to drive her crazy, and she asked a sheilah about what/how she can say to future inquiries.

Mechutanim left off the resume would be as big of a red flag for me as it can get.

amother

↑ Azure

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 5:36 am

Ruchel wrote:

That's right. I wouldn't think of adding a neighbor. That said, a neighbor might know you well. Or not. I am used to many communities being hi bye.

I know youre not from America, where are you from?

In the US I would be very concerned to not see even one neighbor or to not see muchatonim on the resume.

Of course, I might not realize none of the references are neighbors unless I call them all......but I will notice the married children and no muchotonim.

ETA: I WILL call neighbors, I might just get names myself as opposed to resume.