How to tell tutor I'm not paying for the Chanukah party

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:11 am

DD and 2 other friends are being tutored, like a prep course for a kind of standardized test. The tutor decided the session before Chanukah would be a party and they didn't do any learning at all. The teacher treated them to sufganiyot and they all just hung out. First of all I was annoyed because I want DD to be learning in this time. 2nd of all, one of the other mothers thinks the tutor is charging us as if it's a regular session.

Obviously I'm not paying for that, but how to tell her? And do I tell her I don't appreciate the session was wasted on a chanukah party that we didn't ask for? (In a nicer way) .

notshanarishona

Yesterday at 8:12 am

Was this party used as an incentive to get them to learn well or just spontaneous? How long have they been learning together?

amother

DarkPurple

Yesterday at 8:18 am

How does payment usually work? She sends an invoice? If you just send per session don’t send anything. If she contacts you say they didn’t do the work last time there was no session. We didn’t make up to pay for hang out time.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 8:51 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Was this party used as an incentive to get them to learn well or just spontaneous? How long have they been learning together?

No, it wasnt spontaneous. She planned it, which is even more annoying because she could have let me know in advance. She was trying to be nice. But it wasn't an appropriate use of the time. I'd also like to have parties when I should be working ...

amother

Emerald

Yesterday at 8:52 am

I doubt that she'd expect payment but if she bills you just text her and tell her you're not paying for a session that was a Chanukah party

amother

IndianRed

Yesterday at 8:54 am

She might be throwing a party but simultaneously doing work at the same time.
I am a SLP and the week of chanukah I do fun projects too, interspersed with work. We play Chanukah word searches, a coloring sheet and sequencing the story, making our own menorah out of food. It is definitely more laid back than a standard session.

Chayalle

Yesterday at 8:56 am

Also, the week of Chanukah the kids expect to be more chilled, and actually learning with them is difficult. Perhaps the tutor should have been canceled. I know that less class work has been taking place in school this week (and I'm not getting a tuition break for the month.)

amother

Jetblack

Yesterday at 8:57 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

I would have thought the same. I was a tutor and during Chanukah I always needed to make the sessions more fun and "chilled" so I had to create learning games etc. But we never just "hung out". OP I think you should clarify. There's nothing wrong with having a lighter session on Chanukah, that's very normal. Not learning at all is not normal.

amother

Natural

Yesterday at 9:25 am

amother OP wrote:

If its a tutor you use over the year I would be OK with a lite Chanukah session. If you hired her specifically for just a few sessions then of course its inapropriate... Also re: work , lots of people have parties at work this time of the year. On the day of such parties employees are less productive than usual, but employers still continue.

amother

Bluebell

Yesterday at 9:27 am

Wow, if I were the tutor that would probably be the last time I tutored your child. There must a reason reason She did it. I doubt if it was just because she was lazy. You can’t consider it a Hanukkah gift for someone that teaches her child on a regular basis?!

watergirl ↓

Yesterday at 9:45 am

It was not the best or most appropriate use of the session, but this is one time to look the other way and to pay for the session as you normally would. If you tell her you are not going to pay for it, the sessions moving forward will not be the same. Be annoyed for a few minutes and then let it go.

amother

Yarrow

Yesterday at 9:53 am

Wow for this thread

I doubt the was doin this cause she was lazy and didn’t have patience to tutor and she wanted to make money.

Chanukah everyone learns lighter stuff and she wanted to make them happy

amother

Sunflower

Yesterday at 9:57 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

This may very well be true, but that doesn't make it appropriate. I don't know how much OP is paying this tutor, but where I live tutors are crazy expensive. At the moment, I'm only paying one, B"H, and she charges $85/hr. That is one pricey sufgania! If a tutor wants to turn a session into a party, she has a professional responsibility to ASK the person paying her if it's okay. I mean really, imagine your housekeeper shows up with a box of kosher donuts and says she decided today will be a party day and she sits at the table with you eating donuts and then wants to be paid for cleaning your house!

amother

Orchid

Yesterday at 10:31 am

amother Bluebell wrote:

My thoughts exactly.
It was something fun she did with your kid. Something tells me she needed that party more than the learning.

Orangehead

Yesterday at 10:43 am

amother Orchid wrote:

My thoughts exactly.
It was something fun she did with your kid. Something tells me she needed that party more than the learning.

Still not ok. Her job is to tutor, not to have a party.

amother

Daphne

Yesterday at 10:44 am

Orangehead wrote:

Still not ok. Her job is to tutor, not to have a party.

Oh come on! It's completely understandable to do something fun on chanuka! It's good for the kids.
Why are parents being so difficult.

amother

Molasses

Yesterday at 10:53 am

Im a very conscientious tutor but I do only one on one tutoring and I am careful about every minute I spend with the child. I usually shmooze a little bit with them but the intention is that they feel comfortable and connected. I wouldn't do a Chanukah party or even take half the time to do a Chanukah game. However, here it sounds like a cross between tutoring and teaching a class. A few kids is already a group and when I taught I would definitely take time out for a Chanukah game and it was expected.

Even if what she did was not ok it would appear to have been done with good intentions. She went out of her way to buy these things for them out of her own pocket. So even if you don't approve you need to look away. You can let her know next Chanukah beforehand that you don't want to have to pay for a session where they aren't learning.

amother

Marigold

Yesterday at 11:08 am

amother OP wrote:

I'd also like to have parties when I should be working ...

You think she considered this a "party" for herself to enjoy? Unless she's within a few years older than them, I'm sure she'd also prefer to be partying - with her actual friends - and not a few little kids. I agree with those who have a feeling that this was a tutoring session made more playful. Did your dd say they literally did nothing?

↑ watergirl

Yesterday at 11:08 am

amother Daphne wrote:

Oh come on! It's completely understandable to do something fun on chanuka! It's good for the kids.
Why are parents being so difficult.

OP said this is a standardized prep tutor, not a regular math tutor or the like. These tutors are short term and very expensive. The relationship building they do is not the same as a regular tutor, and a chanukah party for the entire session is not appropriate or ethical. I'd be very frustrated if I spent that kind of money for my kid to chit-chat for the entire session without my prior knowledge.

Still I stand by my first comment on this thread - this is the kind of thing I'd try to get over and move past.

amother

Periwinkle

Yesterday at 11:11 am

Op I don’t think you’re being reasonable.
She should be trusted enough to make such a decision, and she obviously felt like this will bond them or lighten the learning load.

Obviously if it happens more than once I’d be upset. But I do believe she thought she’s doing something nice for your daughter.
I’d 100 percent pay her for the session.