Trying to understand maybe mil will be able to help

amother

↑ Whitesmoke ↓

Yesterday at 2:57 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I found that some people are just not generous. They don’t care to give. Even if asked outright. If cv a child came to me with financial requests I would sell my silver to be able to help them. The generous arent always rich and the rich arent always generous

Unfortunately it's too often the case.

amother

↑ Whitesmoke ↓

Yesterday at 2:58 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

OP, questions I have:

1. Did she buy DH and you a house?
2. Don't you see the difference between Chanuka and a BM? BM is once in a life time, Chanuka comes around every year. Why do you expect Chanuka gelt from her?
3. She did give you 1k. Did you expect her to fund the BM to a 100%?
4. Why don't you ask DH to speak with her?
Last question and this is very important: which are your professions? How many kids do you have? How many have the other siblings?
Do you have a monthly budget? Have you turned to any organization who help and advise in financial matters?

The last questions are completely irrelevant. She's hurt because her mil who can easily help her is not really helping.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 3:40 pm

POSTER HERE:
I read all the posts thank you!
to answer questions:
1. she helped by us a house with money that wasnt her's. an inheetance that was saved for the grandkids.
2. we never asked her to support us every month - we just think it would be kind to help when there is a big expense.
3. we made a very simple barmitzva. 7 k was all included- the tefilin the clothes hat suit the shabbos that we hosted all the cousins- lots of food that I cooked. the bobayom renting the hall and the kiddush in shul.
4. I think some people didnt read the origonal post- we are her only children struggling financialy and the only big family. all other marrieds have small families and very very large incomes.
5. we madeit extremely clear when we spoke to her. she told us afterwards that she thought the whole entire expense was 2 k - so we told her no- 7 k. but what if lets say it had been 2 k. then also no help?
6. she grew up super weathy- like multi milions with a poor head. she raised he kids in poverty. today she has but has the attitude of we suffered and got through it... so... you too?
7. honestly I think she has some mishagas around money. the way she speaks and relates to money has no correlation to what she has in her bank and how she spends.
8. I am jsut saying again- I know and understan that parents DONT OWE THIER KIDS ANYTHING! it is just strange to me that parents see thier kids suffering and dont WANT to help. honestly I think that what one poster said- that it is painful for her to admit the fact that she has kids suffering is hitting the nail on its head. she cant coem to terms witht he fact that we arre going through it too.
9. stingy sounds right in some way.
10. I think that there is a very big difference between kids constantly expecting money from thier parents (not who we are) and one in a while when there is a simcha pitching in.

amother

PlumPink

Today at 1:51 am

She raised her children poor? So she has anxiety around money now. Thats it. And she probably won't change. I know a couple who were both raised dirt poor, lots of anxiety and tension. They are now worth 100's of millions of dollars. Literally, no exaggeration. Like own a yacht, private plane etc. They have a married child with two kids who is struggling financially to the point that they take food from a chessed organization.
Some people are just really messed up.
Thank G-d your mil is healthy in other ways and you and your children can enjoy that very special grandmother relationship which is so stabilizing for children and gives them so much. You are very lucky, many people don't have that.