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Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> Reading Room

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amother

OP ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 11:59 am

I guess I'm looking for some chizuk here.

I'm a voracious reader so I am resigned to ordering nice old clean novels on ebay (mostly cozy mysteries). (Although I buy just about every Jewish book that comes out, fiction and quite a selection of non-fiction).

Anyhow, usually when I try a new author, if there's occasional profanity I cross it out. If there's something nasty I will sometimes throw out the book without finishing it. And put the author on my NO list.

(I'm specifically looking for those who can relate to what I just wrote. If you have no problem with bad stuff, or never read secular books at all, we are coming from very different perspectives, but feel free to comment if you want!)

Well, I just read a book that was overall nice but there were some not so nice moments. [it wasn't really integral to the story, I.e. the main character is not engaging in activity, it just references the criminal and their nasty activities, but more than I care to read about)

And it's one of a series that leaves something hanging and I am very very curious to read the rest.

I was about to put it in my cart last night. Then I kind of though, OKAY, if I am better soon maybe I won't. But if I'm really sick and miserable and in pain, don't I deserve to treat myself to a distraction? But maybe not this distraction?

So I am struggling with this. Do I try one more of the series? Or control myself as a zchus for a health challenge? Or stop trying to be more heilig (holy) than I really am?

Because, let's face it. If I were really the hashkafa-reading, growing person I wish I were, I wouldn't be reading this stuff at all. But I'm not!

amother

Wine

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:12 pm

I’m curious: why cross out the word? why not just move to the next sentence? and honestly I can’t fathom throwing away books .

perhaps get library books that you can return without cost if it doesn’t meet your standard.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:24 pm

I cross out the word so I don't need to see it when I re-read the book.

I spend around $3.50 a book. If it turns out to be inappropriate, what should I do? Donate to my local library?

And I started buying books because my husband prefers that I am not seen at the library. He's not pleased at my reading habits, but allows me to be my own person. However, he prefers that I keep my vices private, and I respect that.

amother

Hyacinth

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:28 pm

I was raised that secular books are bad but now I read more or less anything. So not sure if you want to hear my opinion.
I started reading secular stuff in my late teens, but felt very guilty about but I really enjoyed it and found it hard to go without it. Movies and things like that didn't tempt me I just loved reading and frum literature was not cutting it for me.
It's up to you to set your own standards, but you can live a guilt free fully frum and spiritual life even if you read secular books, you can try to include more spirituality into your life in addition to the secular content that you read.
I still try to be discerning and avoid books that are gratuitous with it's usage of bad language or sèxual content but if sèx is the not main content of the story I'll still read the book and either skip or skim read those parts.

amother

Lightcyan

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:30 pm

I have this struggle but mainly with movies/shows. I went through a period of cold turkey of no watching for a few years, but now I’m finding myself slipping up and it is so so hard to find something else that can replace it. So I feel you , it is so hard. One thing I remember hearing is to “ procrastinate” when u want to do something that may be wrong. That sometimes works for me. I’m following this thread cause I can use the advice/chizuk too.

blima1

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:32 pm

I don't really qualify to give advice here but I just want to say that I am very impressed by you
As a fellow book lover, the struggle is REAL!!
One thing I do want to say (and this is coming from someone struggling herself so lol it's much easier to give you advice than take my own Wink

) if you stopped, thought about it, and came on here to write about your struggle and seek chizzuk (as opposed to just going ahead and buying the next book) then I really think you can do it!! You seem like you know but want to hear it from someone else so I don't mind being the one to tell you that you're not trying to be more holier than you are, you are already so far!

chanatron1000 ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:44 pm

Just being at the library is a vice? Why? That's where you go to do old fashioned research.

amother

Hibiscus ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:46 pm

I was raised that secular books are okay. I did get stuck reading fan fiction that was really inappropriate and I stopped going on that website cold turkey because it doesn’t have very good filter and rating options.

Other than that, I think you should focus more on how the content affects you vs what is in the book. Does it play with your mind in a negative way? I find that if a book is not made for romance but there are some in the subplots it doesn’t really affect me in the sense that I don’t think about it much more than I would any other subplot.

Do you also read nonfiction?

sequoia ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:47 pm

OP, I can give you a list of good secular books that have no swear words or sx scenes. Would that be helpful?

amother

↑ Hibiscus

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:48 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

I was aiming to say something similar. Maybe incorporate non fiction knowledge based books. Are there theories you enjoy? History? It might balance things out for you and then when you read a little fiction you won’t feel so stuck

amother

Acacia ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:49 pm

My suggestion is to buy novels geared towards teenagers

Usually there’s no (or very little) profanity and the like

But when I read books I just skip over the profanity and if it becomes distasteful then either I skip that entire section, or if it doesn’t let up then I stop reading.

If it’s a tasteful story I don’t see what the problem with it is. Non-Jewish authors can create lovely stories as can frum authors. My children don’t read non-frum material however.

amother

Phlox

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:49 pm

Every since Oct 7 I’ve tried to stick with memoirs such as mental health memoirs so that I can be reading books with some sort of tachlis

amother

Oldlace

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:51 pm

sequoia wrote:

OP, I can give you a list of good secular books that have no swear words or sx scenes. Would that be helpful?

I don't know about the OP, but I would definitely appreciate it! Thanks!

amother

↑ Acacia

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:52 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

I don't know about the OP, but I would definitely appreciate it! Thanks!

I also would like to know

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 1:52 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

Just being at the library is a vice? Why? That's where you go to do old fashioned research.

I do my research on the Internet : )

Anyhow DH is a well-known mechanech, he feels we need to try to set a certain standard.

Although when I was younger and my condition was really bad (& not able to get out), he actually did go to the library for me! I would just tell him, go to Mystery section & get me ten starting w M.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 1:53 pm

sequoia wrote:

OP, I can give you a list of good secular books that have no swear words or sx scenes. Would that be helpful?

yes, thank you!

DrMom

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 2:11 pm

Most classic literature is clean by modern standards.

amother

Scarlet ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 2:57 pm

I would love that list too!

And unfortunately, going with books geared towards teenagers doesn't work anymore. It used to. To some extent it does, when it comes to the most perverse of things. But teen books have all sorts of things now, including specific agendas. And it's very common that the first couple books of a series will be reasonable and then you get hit with a lot as you go along.

amother

Daphne

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 3:09 pm

Would also love such a list...

↑ sequoia

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 3:16 pm

Elizabeth Gaskell — My Lady Ludlow, Cranford

Jane Austen — Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion

Fred Daniels — Shadows in Twilight (Holocaust memoir)

George Eliot — Middlemarch, Silas Marner, Daniel Deronda

Tova Mirvis — The Outside World

Banana Yoshimoto — Goodbye Tsugumi

Susanna Clarke — The Ladies of Grace Adieu and other stories

Oliver Wendell Holmes — The Autocrat at the Breakfast Table (not a novel but very entertaining)

Laura Ingalls Wilder — The First Four Years

F. Antsey — Vice Versa (hilarious! Funniest book I ever read)

Dickens — A Tale of Two Cities

O Henry — Short Stories

Lucy Maud Montgomery — The Blue Castle

Alexander McCall Smith — The Careful Use of Compliments

Edith Wharton — Old New York

All of the Wooster and Jeeves books by PG Wodehouse

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