Confessions of a nonpayer S/O tuition thread

amother

↑ Hydrangea

Yesterday at 5:31 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

I did remember wrong. Brownstones were not for rich people, but for middle class. The wealth gap described by Jacob Riis eventually lead to the Great Depression. After that, the economy was much more stable, and poor people did not live in tenament style homes (on average). The middle class was robust and varied, and held the majority of people.

Today, again, we are headed to a huge wealth gap, where or you are not making ends meet or your living on fifth avenue.

After the Great Depression the economy was more stable??? Aren't you skipping quite a few major world events?

The Great Depression started in 1929 with the stock market crash. The economy didn't start recuperating until the 1940's, when they were supplying war equipment to Europe...

amother

Teal

Yesterday at 5:34 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

You literally cannot afford to buy food without going into debt yet you have 8 children, with the 2 youngest still playgroup age?

YOU ARE SO JUDGEMENTAL THROUGHOUT THIS THREAD
I can't help wondering- How old are you? how many kids do you have? How much are your tuition bills compared to your salary?
You sound very young, entitled and immature. I can't imagine that you are "qualified" to judge they way you have been. You're entitled to your opinions WITH A LIMIT AND A LITTLE RESPECT.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Today at 1:24 am

OP,

I'm almost exactly in the same boat. We bring in $12K net, almost $200K gross. My husband and I both have a master's degree in our fields, and he works full-time, while I work similarly to you, during the day 9:30-3 and all night to catch up.
If you are not in this situation, especially in Lakewood, you will not understand how prices have skyrocketed out of NOWHERE, as OP keeps saying. Just eight years ago, playgroup tuition was $230 and now I pay $575. The $12K just about covers expenses, which does not include cleaning help EVER, eating out EVER, or gym/ manicure/ any luxury items.
I do not have any answers, but I do completely understand. You are not irresponsible. In fact, you're earning very well, and you are doing your best to stay sane, raise a happy family, and bring in parnassah.

Much hatzlacha and menuchas hanefesh to you.

amother

IndianRed

Today at 2:52 am

amother OP wrote:

On average, we bring home $9,200 a month net.

These are our monthly expenses:
Mortgage: 3500
Utilities: 1k
Cars: 900 (insurance plus payments on one car, the other is owned, no leases)
CC debt: 600
Transportation for kids: 600 (no bussing, need this or could not get to work on time. We do get some of this back in aid in lieu, but not close to what we pay)
Playgroups: 1k
Tuition 1 elementary: 700
Tuition 3 elementary: 1600
Tuition 1 girl hs: 600
Tuition 1 mesivta: 800

Total: 11,900

This is before we spent a penny on food or gas and we're already 2,700 under. Do you still fault me for not paying that tuition?

With that income you can’t afford that mortgage. Nothing you can do about it now. When they approve people for mortgages they don’t take into account frum lifestyle and the cost of tuition and kosher food….

1k on utilities is insanely high - figure out how to cut it I don’t know the breakdown but mine is under 500 for a house in NJ.

Cc debt is not standard…. Shouldn’t have happened to begin with… what was it from??? Make sure you don’t have unhealthy spending habits… paying tuition comes before new clothing, shoes, random stuff I see people buying that they “need”, etc.

The car that’s leased is a waste of money… buy a cheap used car… Or calculate cost of ubering and good chance it will save you a ton…
Also if you add up playgroups, transportation for school, and that second car- do you really make much more than that? Maybe switch and do something from home …

People who mentioned the amount of children don’t have the right hashgafa… you don’t limit kids based on finance. Each is born with its own Bracha to the family and will bring more parnassa…

Also give school the breakdown and give each equally like other said. Some shouldn’t get nothing.

↑ water_bear88

Today at 2:58 am

amother Holly wrote:

If you are in New York City, a visit to the Tenement Museum would be interesting.

https://www.tenement.org

I am old enough so that I remember the Lower East Side before it was gentrified. I had friends who live in the unrenovated apartments because rent was cheap and they were young and poor.

I'm in Israel, but I do remember visiting the Tenement Museum on a visit as a teen. I find that period of history fascinating!

amother

Pear

Today at 4:27 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

I also showed a house in Chicago. Not the middle of the community, the less desirable areas.
With 100k down, it will carry a 3500 mortgage.
My point is housing is expensive. Everywhere.

What??? My parents live down the block. The area is at least 50% if not 70% frum on some blocks. Very safe, tens of shuls, close to schools, Jewish stores, etc. It was a great block to grow up on.
Granted this specific house is across from the public school but there are plenty of frum ppl and shuls all around. Where did you get the idea that this is a "less desirable area"???

B'Syata D'Shmya

Today at 7:29 am

OP, just an idea, could you possibly rent out room(s) from your home as added income? Perhaps you live near a school where teens from out of the area are looking for housing?
Do you have stuff lying around that you seriously arent using and can sell?
Can you or your husband tutor?
I appreciate all you are doing to increase your income, May Hashem help you in every way.

amother

↑ Lightcoral

Today at 10:09 am

amother Hydrangea wrote:

We have eight children and we're not high earners and we magically paid tuition all the years. And I know people with larger families than us who magically paid tuition all the years.

The very existence of our community is a neis on every level.

You know I can't help thinking about the women in Mitzrayim, they gave birth in the desert and left their little babies there and malachim came to take care of them. These women were our ancestors, we have it in us to do that too!

What do you mean "magically"? Is getting a big discount magical? Is having a relative pay it magical?

I certainly don't blame you if either of the above is the case. But it's not magic.

Do you realize some mosdos have closed over money? They didn't have the money magically appear to pay their rebbeim and morah's.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 11:24 am

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

Thank you for this. I'm sorry you're going through this as well, but it is validating to know it's not just me.

I'd also like to thank everyone who participated in this thread without judgement; it really made a difference. While this is not the hardest thing I've gone through in my life, it is definitely the most isolating. From the outside, there really is no way to tell if a family is struggling to pay the bills or really not making it at all and taking tzedakkah. So nobody knows about our financial situation (besides for one close family member who has helped us out from time to time). And sure, I can gripe to my neighbor or friend about rising grocery prices and tuition, but I would never tell anyone IRL about the most recent shutoff notice from the gas company or about the stress of having a negative bank account just two days before the mortgage is due. It can get very lonely, and getting it all off my chest here was an incredible release, so thank you all.

May we all see endless bracha ad bli dai