Parenting teenagers with balance

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 1:24 pm

Can some wise imas help me with balance.

Everyone hear says that I need to give my teens control, I can't control them.
For example that it's their responsibility to wake up on time. I can wake them up once or twice but it's their responsibility.

At the same time, it gets reiterated that as a mother, it's MY responsibility to get them to school in time, finding a ride or hitching or taxis are unacceptable options.

But practically how does that work.

Say my son, for example. He has a ride to yeshiva at 7:20. If he misses the ride, I can't drive him without seriously inconveniencing myself.

Parenting experts say that if he misses his ride because he couldn't wake up, then it's his responsibility to get to yeshiva.
But if the backup plan means I drive him and come late to work, then I can't afford to just let him live with the consequences of oversleeping. I take the responsibilities to wake him up (which is not healthy for him, me, or our relationship).

Similar if my daughter misses her bus and gets detention that I have to come out and pick her up at 6 (because car service is bad as per earlier threads) so of course I'm going to be waking her and waking her and not letting her figure out the adulting.

Chayalle

Yesterday at 1:30 pm

There are all sorts of options, that work for all sorts of people.
Firstly, I assume of course that your teens have an alarm clock that wakes them in the morning. They are responsible for setting it such that they get up in time to get themselves out the door. If they are the type that needs some snooze time, they have to factor that into their original setting. And of course, go to sleep at a reasonable hour that makes it all work.

If they switch it off and miss their bus, maybe they have to pay for a taxi out of their pocket money. Or maybe they lose $$ from their allowance if you were inconvenienced driving them.

You can have some leeway (like if it happens once in a blue moon, I don't make the biggest deal, though I do let my teen know how much that inconvenienced me and affected my day when I have to drive her there before getting to work.)

But if it would happen regularly there would be consequences.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 1:33 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Actually for my daughter, that's my current system.
But if it's irresponsible parenting to allow girls alone to take a car service, then what options are there