What makes a kid unable to entertain themselves?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:06 am

Have a bunch of kids. One isnt special needs but she gives off a mild special needs impression because she is socially and emotionally delayed so she doesnt get certain social nuances and the way she speaks can sound a little socially off...like more immature than a typical 10 year old..

But why is it that she cannot find things to do or keep herself busy like the other kids can? This goes beyond typical mommy im bored type of thing. Most kids even when they are bored I find are sort of fiddling around with things. One is picking at a piece of tape they noticed on the floor the other is examining a game or a toy even if they arent playing it...one is shuffling her books and folders to put back in her backpack...
This kid literally just sits. She literally just sits on a chair and doesnt do anything..
Example in the morning if she completed getting dressed and preparing her bag for the dsy when she is done she sits down and just sits . Shes usually ready for school very early and spends the next 20 minutes sitting and waiting for the clock to say that its time to go to the bus. All the other kids are fiddling around...one is filling her waterbottle another notices his lego creation and started to fix it another is dragging all his shoes out of his closet..
Dont ask me why but its irrelevant he is doing something. Kids are naturally busy and naturally curious even when they are bored.
This kid sits. And sits.
When I tell her go do something she says what should I do? Im ready for school.
She doesnt have that natural kid busyness.
What exactly is this?

Elfrida

Yesterday at 9:39 am

It doesn't sound like she's bored. What's going on inside her head? Some children are very happy to daydream for a while.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:49 am

She is very bored...not day dreaming..

Whines endlessly to watch a video because its the only way she knows to occupy herself. But if its not an option at all like a school morning no way will I allow it and she knows it so she'll just sit instead.
She doesnt know what else to do.
The other thing aside from videos is food.. boredom equals eat. She can eat 3 breakfasts easily. Needless to say shes very overweight.

teachkids

Yesterday at 10:00 am

I would make a list along with her of “things I can do when I’m waiting”. In my house it’s : legos, coloring pages, sticker by number, rainbow loom, read a book, put away your laundry. If they say they’re bored, I remind them they can look at the list. If they’re just chilling and thinking I leave them be.

oneofakind

Yesterday at 10:02 am

Inattentive ADHD - looks different in girls than boys

amother

Foxglove

Yesterday at 10:10 am

I can't tell you why your daughter is content to sit in a chair and do nothing for 20 minutes straight or lacks the ability to keep herself occupied.
What I can tell you is that in my house there is a rule that if you're not occupied with a worthwhile activity (which could be anything from homework to reading a book, to playing piano, to building something with legos or doing an art project - basically anything that isn't loafing) you have two options: get on the treadmill or clean the house. It's very effective in preventing loafing.

amother

DarkOrange

Yesterday at 10:10 am

Sounds like ADHD or Autism to me honestly.

I would sit with her and make a list of things she can do when she's bored and remind her of them when she complains of being bored.

Molly Weasley

Yesterday at 10:44 am

I wouldn't jump to autism or adhd. I think it's simply a matter of trying to be as stimulated as possible with the least amount of effort.

A video fits that bill very well. And if your daughter often has access to videos, she wants it!

amother

Currant

Yesterday at 10:45 am

amother DarkOrange wrote:

Sounds like ADHD or Autism to me honestly.

I would sit with her and make a list of things she can do when she's bored and remind her of them when she complains of being bored.

I grew it’s a typical symptom of either and might be worth looking into to.

amother

Azure

Yesterday at 10:51 am

These kids are often stuck in fight flight. Play skills are "upper-brain"

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 1:33 pm

oneofakind wrote:

Inattentive ADHD - looks different in girls than boys

Can you describe what that looks like?
Might very well be a possibility

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 10:09 pm

Tonight all kids were in pjs pre bed time..
One boy was fiddling with his card collection another kid reading a book 2 kids looking at their old pesach haggaddas. One kid jumping off the couch. Only this kid was literally sitting on the couch. Not daydreaming..just sitting watching everyone else. Makes me so nervous to see.

amother

Plum

Yesterday at 10:15 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

It's important for children to have time when they are doing nothing. In this case it seems like she has some sort of skill deficit, but I think it's sad if a kid can't ever do nothing in their own house. If you want to stop complaining to you that they're bored, that's another story. Sometimes it's creativity or healing or other important things that take place while doing nothing.

And I'm curious what happened is if you would allow yourself to just do nothing for a little bit of time. It's okay. You don't have to be so harsh on yourself. No matter what you were taught, it's okay to do nothing sometimes and just be. Your existence is a benefit to the world.

#BestBubby

Yesterday at 10:25 pm

Does DD not have any interest in toys or picture books?

She may need therapy to teach her play skills.

With ASD kids they are given a schedule of leisure activities which are mandatory which may spark genuine interest.

amother

Impatiens

Yesterday at 10:46 pm

She may have to he taught...
A kid that was brought up watching video games will have a harder time entertaining herself. Go cold turkey on videos you will see it makes a difference.

Teach her:
What can I do when I'm ready at bedtime...read a book, help sibling close pjamas. Play I spy with siblings.

You could do this like a task list she has to check off. First start with what would be easy for her like read a specific book that you choose or play One game that you choose (like I spy . When she does that well go on to read TWO specific books you chose and Sometimea choose your own books. Then something guided BUT leading to something open ended like make up a new ending/beging to the story. Make up a new twist to the I spy game, help sibling with some other clothes.... and Finally. Make up a story from scratch, make up your own game,think of a new game that doesn't need a pen and paper. Or figure out how to help a sibling... all this will make her think more the more she does this the more ideas she will get till she think of it on her own. Help her think of a bucket list of what she always wished to do.

Some kids that always keep themselves busy.are daydreamer. Have to be taught how to stay on task. Some kids are very efficient and they need to be taught to enjoy life. It's ok.to stop and go off task.

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