What to do next? (Issue with teacher)

Chayalle

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:18 pm

Good heavens. I had better rethink my decision to have 3 children, since I sometimes get confused myself and call my daughters by their sister's name.
OP, you can help your daughter not be so bothered, by explaining to her to be Dan L'Kaf Zchus. Tell her teacher may be getting older, more tired, have things go on in her life, and she is making a mistake. Maybe explain to your DD the Bracha she can get in her life when she doesn't make big deals over non-issues.
My DD gets called by her sisters' names sometimes (and her cousins, too) by teachers and she considers it an honor to be associated with the people she loves most.

ETA thinking about this, I don't mean to say your daughter should be invalidated, but I have found as a parent that we can either magnify a hurt, or explain how it might be coming about. We can do our best to communicate a need for change - asking the teacher to please try harder at PTA is a good way to go - but at the same time, I do think there can be explanation and bringing down the hurt level to your daughter, explaining why teacher might be doing this and it doesn't mean your daughter is unimportant to the teacher in her own right.

Last edited by Chayalle on Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:23 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cognac ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:31 pm

I’m going to dissent. And I’m a teacher.

On occasion I do mistakenly call a student by a sibling’s name (and I do the same with my own kids). But only occasionally. To call a student the wrong name consistently, for months? It’s definitely something the teacher should be working hard to correct. The teacher is human, but it’s not fair to the student.

amother

↑ Cognac ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

We have PTA coming up. What should I say to the teacher?

Don’t attack, but explain to the teacher how much it’s bothering her. Say that you understand making mistakes, but ask if she could please try to correct it for your daughter’s sake.

↑ notshanarishona ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:34 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

I am not saying I do it all the time, I am just saying it happens without thinking and shouldn’t be taken personally. This year I have 3 siblings, some kids I am teaching the 8th kid in the family. It happens.

↑ notshanarishona

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is the only class this teacher is teaching. 25 girls. She knows everyone's name. Somehow just because my daughter has a sister that was in the class last year, the teacher officially calls her by her sister's name. She's taking it very personally, as if the teacher doesn't care about her. I don't think it's acceptable at this point in the year.

It sounds like you are also taking it very personally. I am not saying the teacher shouldn’t put in effort, but if everything else is going well I wouldn’t make a big deal of it.

amother

↑ Cognac

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:38 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

Of course! It happens to me sometimes too, and I apologize. But it sounds like this teacher basically doesn’t know her current student’s name.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:39 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

It sounds like you are also taking it very personally. I am not saying the teacher shouldn’t put in effort, but if everything else is going well I wouldn’t make a big deal of it.

I'm not taking it personally, but I do feel that I need to address it because my daughter brings it up basically every day. She's very bothered by it. She feels like the teacher has a pick on her. She got everyone's names correct, besides for hers. That's honestly not okay at this point of the year.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:40 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

Of course! It happens to me sometimes too, and I apologize. But it sounds like this teacher basically doesn’t know her current student’s name.

This. She calls my daughter by her sisters name on a consistent basis, as if she's not making an effort to call her by her correct name.
I'm not talking about a high schooler here.

mommyhood

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:50 pm

Some of you seem to be missing that this isn’t sometimes, it’s always. Sometimes is expected, we all do that. This is another level and I would keep bringing it up especially if this is a teacher who teacher her a lot not just one period a week.

groovy1224

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:58 pm

Guys. This is NOT the same as a typical parent/teacher mixing up names for a second. Seems like this teacher NEVER gets it right, and doesn't correct herself either.

Calling her by her sister's name when she's handing back tests and OP's daughter's name is right in her face? Seems like she's almost making an effort to get it wrong!

OP, if I were you I'd point out to the teacher that she is making your daughter feel insignificant and invisible. A mix up here and there is understandable, but this is next level.

Ema of 5

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 5:51 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

Of course! It happens to me sometimes too, and I apologize. But it sounds like this teacher basically doesn’t know her current student’s name.

Actually, it sounds like either the teacher just doesn’t care (she’s already been corrected a few times) or something is going on.

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 5:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

My daughters teacher has been calling her by my older daughters name since the beginning of the school year. We gave it a couple of weeks till I spoke to the teacher about it, teacher seemed sincerely sorry & said that she'd try to focus on calling my daughter by her name. But nothing changed. So I spoke to the teacher again, again she seemed sincere & said she'll concentrate to start calling my daughter by her name. And that's that. Nothing changed. It's bothering my daughter immensely, my daughter says that the teacher doesn't even try. She just automatically calls her by her sisters name.
So what do I do now? What's the next step?

I'd tell her not to respond. When the teacher looks at her and tries to get her attention, she can respond, oh you mean me. I'm...

amother

Steel

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:14 pm

lol I was called by my oldest sister’s name for 5 years by a teacher who taught me all of those years. Even now when she sees me, she calls me by my sister’s name.

I had another teacher who corrected me on my name LOL

amother

Cinnamon

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:31 pm

Be straightforward. Talk about your daughters feeling and not the teachers actions:

My daughter comes home crying because she is being called her sisters name and she is sensitive about it. My heart really aches for her, and how she feels about this is also affecting how she feels about school and ultimately her academic performance and her overall self esteem. I have been trying to help her manage her feelings about this at home, but other approaches may also be needed. It could be that she may just be extra sensitive about this, but we want her to feel better, I'm sure you do too. How can we work together to help improve how she feels and not be so sad every day? While we work with her at home, what do you suggest can be done during the school day?

amother

Antiquewhite

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:42 pm

My sister and I are 15 months apart but 2 grades apart. She was constantly called my name. It bothered her tons. She felt like she was always being compared to me and she wanted to be seen as an individual. She once complained and the teacher told her"I love your sister and I love you too." But I really dont think the teacher was doing it intentionally even if it was a consistent problem. A teacher is focusing on so many things that its hard to reprogram a kids name.

amother

Glitter

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:45 pm

It sounds like dd is nervous to politely correct (how old is she?). It also sounds like this teacher simply "trying" isn't working. Can you recommend a specific structure to work on it? Maybe the teacher can go up to your dd and specifically request that she politely correct her. Maybe the candy thing someone recommended, and you provide the candy.

I would definitely talk to the teacher, and emphasize the importance without emphasizing that your dd is very sensitive (some teachers think kids should get over that.) Maybe a quick aside about how important a name is, in life, in Yahadus, and yet we are all so prone to do this and all human- let's come up with a specific plan tonight, a simple one, and implement it.