Not supported but older siblings are

amother

Sat, Dec 14 2024, 8:54 pm

I BH got married recently and have a good job , my husband is learning. My parents do not support us financially at all, while my husbands parents pay our rent. My two older sisters are both in school and have learning husbands and my parents give them significant financial support. While it is definitely true that I don’t “need” the support in the same way my sisters do, it would be very helpful to be able to save up especially because my husband will be learning for awhile and then going into chinuch I know money will be tight as we grow our family. I feel a little penalized for choosing to work right away instead of being in school for longer and I know my parents can afford to give me some support to.

chestnut

Sat, Dec 14 2024, 9:02 pm

Imo, it's unfair when parents pay support for their kids to save. This money is supposed to be for monthly expenses now, not in 5-10 y.
You work and your in-laws pay your rent. Your sisters don't work (for a legit reason) and their in-laws are probably not paying their rent, so your parents do. You still seem to be ahead because of your salary.

amother

Sand

Sat, Dec 14 2024, 9:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

You can try having a discussion with them about if they’d be willing to support you a bit. Just remember, ultimately, it’s their money, and theirs to decide how they justify spending it. Support is a really nice bonus, but try not to view it as it’s owed to you because that’s when things get sticky.

My parents didn’t support any of us except the oldest for the first 6 months because that’s all they could afford to do. My in-laws only support the children where the husband are learning. I didn’t get support from my side or DH’s side and I was fine with that because I knew what the situation was

amother

NeonOrange

Sat, Dec 14 2024, 9:10 pm

Your rent is payed for...? Your complaining your parents don't support you as you work as well .. even though you don't need it right now but you want to save up I.e they should be building you a fund. Do you think it might be hard on them financially?
Please re consider your complaining..
And Mazal tov!

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Dec 14 2024, 9:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

While you may feel like its unfair, your parents are obviously supporting those who cant support themselves YET.
And just because a,parent can does not mean they must.
You have to reframe. Realize how lucky you are to already have a job.
And thank your parents for raising you to know you need to have a job.

amother

Snowflake

Sat, Dec 14 2024, 9:39 pm

IMO supporting should be so you end up with just enough coming in each month *including your income*.

When we were partially supported we told them whenever my income went up so they could lessen the support. When I finally had a stable income that covered everything we stopped the support. Rent was the last thing - for the last year they paid in postdated checks and we ended up paying them back.

Sometimes I feel irrationally jealous that we have others in the family who still get support and it seems unfair that I work so hard to pay the bills, but I did kinda choose that LOL

it's just that feeling sometimes that I could do with a bit less pressure.