This is why I don't bring you...

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Yesterday at 1:47 pm

So finances are tight, and my husband prefers to do the shopping, and he prefers to buy the bare minimum, but then our kids complain that they don't like the options, awhy can't they get "what all their friends have"--and I honestly dont' get it why we can't afford what they get. We both work full-time but we never seem to have money and then when he makes supper he wants to make a "one-option supper", then gets upset that "no one is eating it" and "I'm not making 2 suppers".

One of our few opportunities to "get out" just the two of us is to go shopping. Where I try to get a few things that the kids have been asking for--they mostly dont' want to ask my husband for things because they think he'll say "no". He's really not a "big bad wolf" and he DOES try to get snacks that they will eat--as long as they get eaten and not wasted. Problem is some of the snacks that they want are "more expensive" and therefore lets say we get a pack of 12, ka"h we have 6 kids who eat school snacks--that means 2 per child and they often want 1 the night we get it, and then 1 for school and then that's it.

I would try to buy 2-3 of these packs, but my husband will only buy 1. Thus when we went shopping the bill was probably 2-3x what he's used to when he goes by himself, and then he says "this is why I don't take you"...

How do I respond to that?

amother

Vermilion

Yesterday at 1:50 pm

I may not love his approach

but I don’t disagree

I only always serve one dinner

my kids know if they eat the snacks at home they don’t have it for school.

money is finite.

that’s not a bad lesson to teach kids

if money is tight then cuts need to be made.

you seem to disagree by your use of quotes throughout

amother

Zinnia

Yesterday at 1:52 pm

The first step is to acknowledge your husband's stress. He's clearly living under extreme financial stress and that's making him frustrated. Whether he's saying the right thing or the wrong thing, appreciating his feelings will get you further than they making him into a monster.

amother

Bottlebrush

Yesterday at 1:53 pm

I don’t see why they need a snack bag at home.
I don’t let. We have home food and school snacks.
If you eat a school snack bag there is none for school. They just don’t do it.

mha3484

Yesterday at 1:59 pm

He may not be tactful but he is not wrong. I realized last year my oldest was pounding certain snacks so now I take him with me to shop. We have quality time and he learned that the bag of popcorn doesnt just randomly show up on the kitchen shelf. It costs something. I think its a good lesson for kids to understand that food costs money and we can have certain items in moderation. I only like a certain type of pasta sauce but its more expensive so I just serve that dinner less often. These are great life skills to learn.

amother

Ecru

Yesterday at 1:59 pm

There is a middle ground here. They need boundaries and he can be less rigid. School snack is for school, they can’t eat it at home period. You can say they can have the expensive ones for Rosh Chodesh or set some other time for it to manage their expectations. Having a set schedule and situation will stop the power struggles. Same for having a supper rotation.

giftedmom

Yesterday at 2:00 pm

When finances are tight you have to differentiate between needs and wants. You seem to have a hard time saying no to your kids and you feel sorry for them.
It’s okay for kids to not always have the snacks they want when they want.

amother

Canary ↓

Yesterday at 2:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

I agree with your husband about the snacks. Individual packaged snacks are very expensive. We don't really allow the kids to have them at home just because. It's for school. With this, I only buy the cheaper snacks. For a special shabbos or occasion, they can choose a more expensive snack.
I also agree regarding dinner. You shouldn't be making 2 dinners every day, that makes no sense.

amother

Azure

Yesterday at 2:07 pm

Snack bags are for school, yes, but the kids need to have access to food at home.

amother

Sage

Yesterday at 2:32 pm

amother Azure wrote:

Snack bags are for school, yes, but the kids need to have access to food at home.

Not snacks though, things like cheese, fresh fruit veggies will go a long way

amother

Pumpkin

Yesterday at 2:37 pm

I buy a big bag of popcorn seeds and make fresh in the morning. It's healthy and they can have as many bags as they want. Their friends trade in their danishes and expensive snacks for a bag of fresh homemade popcorn. Go figure. I can't afford to buy snacks and my kids get the best of both worlds. I still think its crazy for kids to come with danishes each day to school with.

amother

↑ Canary

Yesterday at 2:56 pm

amother Azure wrote:

Snack bags are for school, yes, but the kids need to have access to food at home.

Of course there is, just not packaged snacks.

amother

Alyssum

Yesterday at 4:57 pm

I agree with your husband. If you have no money, you need to spend it on things you NEED. Not want. Your kids want snacks for school. There are always cheap options and expensive options. Making food yourself is almost always cheaper. If you already buy snacks then 1 is definitely enough. Why should they snack at home already? Your job is to parent your kids... they sound spoiled and they know that you don't like to say no. You are in the wrong here. If you can afford it, absolutely no problem. But you can't. Prepackaged snacks are so unnecessary and the first thing I cut from shopping list when money is tight. Even my 3 year old understands when I say its to expensive we are buying sth else. It's parenting. And your husband is absolutely doing the right thing. So instead of ganging up on him, tell your kids they can't have those snacks. Just because others can afford it doesnt mean you can. Its a sense of entitlement and that's a terrible thing.
Same with the dinner.. 2 dinners?? Why on earth?? It is wasteful and unnecessary. Even now that we have money to afford several dinners I wouldn't make more than one. Its totally ridiculous

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