I really resent my 7 yo ds

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:16 pm

BH I have a good relationship with the older and younger siblings but one 7 yo ds is driving me nuts and it’s so hard to like him and be loving.

He comes home from school and within one hour he is provoking his younger sister, either touching her things without permission or making loud annoying noises. Then he is jumping on the couch or bouncing a ball loudly to annoy the neighbors. At dinner he bangs on the table, touches his food with his fingers, crushes the food into balls and pretends to throw it around the table. He is basically bouncing off the walls. Even on days when he has sports after school (only once a week- there are no organized sports any other days) he comes home in a mood and it’s not any better.

He refuses to invite friends.

So I just end up yelling and screaming at him and sending him to his room and it’s such a negative atmosphere. I ran out of consequences for him!

We tried incentives. Didn’t work.

Summer wasn’t so bad bec he could play outside.

His older and younger siblings aren’t like this at all, they make trouble sometimes but can be quickly talked to and will listen to me. They do well with incentives.

He does not have adhd, we had him evaluated and he does extremely well in all areas in school.

He knows exactly how to annoy and upset me greatly, and I feel bad about our lack of relationship and the overall negative atmosphere between us.

If anyone has advice…

amother

Broom

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:26 pm

He probably needs to be kept busy. What does he like? Get him lego, paint by number, wood working etc... these aren't prizes they are activities to keep him busy. Can you teach him how to bake? He sounds like he has a lot of energy. Can you get a mini trampoline? Sensory activities like play dough and kinetic sand? Make sure he has a good snack when he comes home so he isn't irritable from being hungry.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:28 pm

amother Broom wrote:

We have all that he says no to everything

He ate right when he came home today

Persevere

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:36 pm

Does he need the bathroom and holds it in?

This is the way my 8y/o behaves when he is holding it in. I give him a small treat if he puts away his school things and then uses the restroom, washes his hands, right when he comes home from school

t12345678

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:37 pm

I totally relate and I think a lot of moms can! These little boys come home after a long day and just go crazy… it’s so hard! We subscribed to the loop and got a 24/6 device - you can even just use their app if you don’t want to buy the device. It keeps my kids so busy especially my son! He runs to do it when he comes home and the fighting was decreased drastically. Also, before we subscribed we told him that we are subscribing on the condition he isn’t fighting and we will take it month by month. It’s really been working for him!

amother

Outerspace

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:38 pm

ADHD isn't the only issue out there. Could be ODD or CD. Therapies and/or medication can help.

Also he knows he's pushing your buttons. It's important (albeit hard) that you change the dance and 'catch him' being good so you can lavish praise on him.

Good luck.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:38 pm

Persevere wrote:

No, he’s like this after he uses the bathroom too

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:39 pm

t12345678 wrote:

He’s has zero interest in devices. My older and younger kids like them. He doesn’t even like watching videos, on Fridays I allow screentime but he doesn’t enjoy watching at all.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:40 pm

amother Outerspace wrote:

I tried that but it’s so hard. I try catching him doing good and then inevitably lose it when At some point he misbehaves badly and I probably undo all my compliments to him

amother

Babyblue ↓

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 3:56 pm

You're in a negative feedback loop with him. The more you get annoyed at him, the more he feels disliked the more he acts out.

I've seen big changes with these kids when they get time to themselves. Just them quality time with you scheduled regularly.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 4:00 pm

amother Babyblue wrote:

Right now I’m so upset with him I can’t do that

But even so it’s hard to schedule private time. Life is so hectic.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 4:09 pm

Did I write this post? My seven year old son is the SAME!!! I dread him coming home. 24-6 causes more fighting and craziness.
Picks fights with everyone. When he doesn't get his way, throws chairs down and destructive.
He does like watching though on Fridays😑

Love , love , and patience one moment at a time. Hashem gave me a challenge. I think it's a stage. I plan to test for strep. But I think we just need to hang in
Sending love and support

amother

Yarrow

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 4:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

He’s has zero interest in devices. My older and younger kids like them. He doesn’t even like watching videos, on Fridays I allow screentime but he doesn’t enjoy watching at all.

I find that very interesting . The only children who I know who don't like to watch have adhd and can't sit and focus but some with adhd can when its an exciting show.

amother

↑ Babyblue ↓

Wed, Dec 11 2024, 4:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right now I’m so upset with him I can’t do that

But even so it’s hard to schedule private time. Life is so hectic.

And because you aren't making it a priority to schedule time with him, he may be acting out for the attention that he needs. His needs don't change just because you don't have time to give him what he needs. And if you can't give it to him in a healthy way, he'll try and get it in an unhealthy way.