How about a low end Safe Haven

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 2:38 pm

Ive been thinking, especially lately with the economy.
There's a Safe Haven group for High End Purchases.
Maybe there should also be a Safe Haven group for cheap or money saving or whatever.
Money by us is very tight
And it's frustrating when I ask for advice, people inevitably talk about how I'm not being realistic. All the need.
I feel lectured at if I ask for ways to keep my house clean and I get told to take a cleaning lady. Or that I NEED to buy a certain brand.
Is anyone else interested also.

amother

Carnation ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 3:03 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

People are usually not shunned for buying low end. Many people are struggling, and even if not, people are trying try to save.
Why the need for a safe haven?

This

amother

Blushpink ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 3:10 pm

This is the type of thing, but if you're very clear in your op that you can't afford more, you'll get targeted answers. People get shamed for looking for high-end purchases but less often for low end when they're clear that that's what they can do responsibly.

amother

↑ Blushpink

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 3:24 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

People always attack frugality as being extreme. We're crazy, people aren't meant to live like that, etc. The responses are very harsh.

Wow that's awful. I've seen that in real life but haven't seen it much here. Do you see it on this site a lot?

zaq

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 3:37 pm

OK I'll cheerfully join.
People think spending a lot on something shows that they're clever and have good taste , but all it proves is that they have money--and that's assuming they actually pay for it, which is not an assumption one should necessarily make. They could be in hock up to their eyebrows and often are.

Now my bff's and I enjoy showing off how little we spent, either by finding metziahs or by going the DIY route. THAT shows discernment, fiscal responsibility, creativity, and other admirable traits.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 4:22 pm

Sequoia, not necessarily. One person's metziah fun ganev is another's horrifically expensive. I recall looking at the Sales and Bargains column in a certain magazine, listing some brand name skirts, 75% off. But with the original price $3000, the sale price was still $750-- or about $725 more than I was willing to spend.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 4:37 pm

sequoia wrote:

Isn’t budgeting and bargains the subforum you’re looking for?

Honestly it's not just about sales and bargains.
But about being poor in general.

If I come on venting about how I'm drowning with tuition, it's unfair for someone to come in and say "well what were you thinking how your kids will get educated" or "in XYZ city it's worse".
If I ask for advice keeping my house clean while working ft, maybe it's not fair to lecture me about how "every woman NEEDS cleaning help".
And if I say that I can't afford to send to camp, maybe I want a safe haven where I won't be told how I'm ruining my daughter's life and I need to push myself.

giftedmom

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 5:42 pm

zaq wrote:

Everything in moderation

Chayalle ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:03 pm

sequoia wrote:

Isn’t budgeting and bargains the subforum you’re looking for?

I was thinking the same thing, Sequoia, but I guess everyone has a different level of budgeting and bargains.

However I have seen plenty of threads for low-end purchases, like shopping on Ali/Temu/Shein, etc....

amother

↑ Carnation

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:11 pm

Chayalle wrote:

But there are different levels of high end as well, aren't there?

amother

Bluebell ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:11 pm

Oh wow was this thread made for me?

Here's my rant: (buckle up)

Please explain to me why spending $750 (I'm being kind here) on a bag is ok. Please try. Do not tell me it's better quality. Once you go past the $150 price point, all product quality is the same. You are only spending $750 to advertise for the brand.

And jewish women, lofty holy women who keep the world pure and right, are chasing after this insanity. How????

It completely baffles my mind how the frum world has gotten so wrapped up in this chasing of luxury. Like, why were we put on this world???? To do mitzvos. To connect to H". To spread light.

If the light you're spreading is the reflection of your Louis Vuitton buckle on your belt, please do some soul searching.

Now, maybe I have this clarity only because I'm broke. Could be. But I do think we need a safe space to talk about our feelings/fears/frustration about having no money in a world that's gone insane, without someone posting "but many of the tenaim/amoraim were wealthy, too!"

↑ Chayalle

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:14 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

But there are different levels of high end as well, aren't there?

I'm sure there are. I don't view the high-end threads, so I have no idea if some posters there go on that thread and come away thinking "that's what she thinks is high-end? I'll teach her a thing or two...." and come away feeling they need a new "really high-end" safe-haven forum.....

amother

Orange

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:14 pm

amother Bluebell wrote:

This is why there is a high end safe haven. Every post looked like this. Low end gets targeted responses for the most part.

amother

Impatiens

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:15 pm

People who know you, judge you by your character, and people who don’t know you… well they don’t know you so who are you showing off for!? Just to make others feel bad?

This realization helps me live frugal and in my means. I don’t feel bad not having extra stuff.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:21 pm

Fine.
So not a low budget.
Just a safe haven for poor people.
Where we can vent without being lectured.
Where we don't have to be made to feel inferior.
Where we don't get told about how hard the wealthy guy is working, how hard SAHM with ft cleaning help have it and how irresponsible we are for not buying houses and putting away savings earlier.