Short shabbos feels worse

amother

OP ↓

Today at 5:59 pm

I know I just sound like a terrible mother but shabbos is really hard for me. The non stop neediness and noise from my kids really drains me. The weird thing is that these short shabbosim seem to be worse.
Friday it's go go go, then all the kids are up at the meal and most of them are up afterwards as well. After the meal is another 2 hours or so of parenting before I go to bed.
Shabbos morning I'm parenting all morning, DH comes home at 1 something, we have a meal and then again it's parenting, at 3:50 DH and sons go to shul and I'm again with the kids until havdala. Then they all need me again, they are hungry bored fighting until a few hours later when they go to bed.
There's no time for me to just be a person.
The longer shabbosim, Friday there's time for me to take a break for a bit, the meal is quick and late and we all go to bed. Shabbos afternoon there's time to visit friends and/or nap and by the time shabbos is out, some kids are sleeping and the others are just about.
It's motzei shabbos and I'm in my room with the door locked, escaping reality because I feel like I have such overwhelming sensory overload.
Help.

amother

Honeydew

Today at 6:03 pm

I get you. Shabbos was really difficult for me as well. My kids wouldn`t let me sit on the couch, they kept banging toys on my head, jumping and crawling on the top of the couch, spilling food... They barely played! Worst is that my son complained to me that all his favorite things to do are muktzeh and he hates shabbos Sad

I get his point; he loves coloring, listening to music etc, but he gets so unstimulated on shabbos and drives everyone crazy! I don`t know how to keep him occupied besides for reading him a million books, because he doesn`t want to play with toys or games Confused

amother

Snapdragon

Today at 6:46 pm

Try playdates, new toys, letting go of the mess and more nosh / swapping toys and books with neighbors helps me too;)

I hear you by motzei shabbos I’m on the couch but that could be bc I’m pregnant too…

I like the short shabbos days and long Friday nights bc everyone is at the table I’m not dealing with bedtimes as much …

amother

Papayawhip

Today at 7:39 pm

I remember that I used to hate that stage. (Now I have older ones and B”H it’s a lot fewer people who need me).
But can you get together with a friend for shalosh seudos or shabbos morning so at least kids are busy and you have an adult to hang with?

amother

Puce

Today at 7:41 pm

Wow when you put it like that it sounds so much worse but for me I love the short shabbosim. when Shabbos starts late I’m just doing dinner and bed time 2x. I see my dh less bec he always comes home right before Shabbos no matter when it starts. feels like Shabbos never ends my dh isn’t home more bec he just ends up learning more not complaining bh but means more for me to do alone

amother

Dandelion

Today at 7:46 pm

Short shabbos is rough but long shabbos means a really long erev shabbos serving many meals then late night shabbos and a looong shabbos afternoon plus kookoo cranky kids motzai shabbos , adult sized ones still act like kids. Still have full cleanup even though it's late.
...I think I'll keep short winter shabbos!

amother

DarkMagenta

Today at 7:48 pm

I'm sorry but this doesnt sound like a short vs long shabbos issue but a husband issue. Why are you doing all the parenting and he is not stepping up to the plate?

Friday night- personally after the meal dh tells me to relax on the couch and he does bedtime
Shabbos day-why is your DH coming home at 1? That is not ok. He needs to daven earlier and get home earlier.
Aftenoon-you should not be in charge the entire afternoon. You should split the afternoon and you each get a chance to nap.
Shalosh seudos-at this stage is my life with young kids it does not work for me for dh to be out for shalosh seudos. So he davens mincha, comes home, and then goes back out for maariv

You're not a terrible parent. You're doing everything with no one to share the burden. I hope you can have a conversation with dh and things can change

amother

Slateblue

Today at 8:10 pm

I agree with u 100
The short shabbos in feel endless
The long dont. We get out we walk etc

One tip is to have some sort of structure
Ie 9-930 am mommy plays games w kids and then she sets meal at 1045 all kids and mommy get dressed an daven

After meal 130-230 mom or dad play with kids and then switch for a bit
Then shabbos party then “ free “play / mommy reading time
I feel if we give kids some time and play they’re much happier to play alone after

amother

↑ OP

Today at 8:30 pm

We have lots of toys and games but the kids are always bored and fighting or wanting me. They don't really like games or toys much. I do play with them but I can't play for hours and plus I have other kids or needs to take care of.
There's no one to do playdates with in the morning and the afternoon is just too short. We also don't have an eiruv here.
I am way past caring about the mess. We clean up the main room before the seuda and once after shabbos.
DH comes home after 1 because that's when shul is over plus he has a 20 min walk home. There isn't really time for much in the afternoon, he's out to mincha shortly after the meal is over.
DH is terrible at putting the kids to bed, it takes hours and often it still doesn't work. I am the one who puts them to bed every night, while he cleans up from supper and helps with homework if it's a weekday.

↑ teachkids

Today at 9:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Even if he can’t put them to bed, let him play a game with them for the hour between Seuda and bedtime while you chill with a magazine. My husband also takes an hour in the morning before shul while I eat a luxurious breakfast and sip my coffee with a magazine. Those 2 hours keep me sane so I can deal with the rest of the day.

amother

Dahlia

Today at 9:22 pm

Op I get you. By 10:30 am I already had a headache from the kids. In the summer I hated how long Shabbos was but today I wished my kids could just go outside to play. It’s really hard when you have a bunch of little kids

amother

Royalblue

Today at 10:17 pm

I cook everything on Thursday so I have time to take a break on Friday. Would that work for you?

I also set out popcorn, chestnuts, fruit after the Friday night meal and whoever’s in pajamas quickly gets to join the party. We read the little medrash says, shmooze, discuss the parasha, and then I go to bed and eventually everyone drifts into bed as well. I tuck in the kids who are under 3-4 and the older ones take care of themselves.