Don't be this person

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:41 pm

Don't be the kind of person who will take a bite of out something a host serves you and declare how to improve it.

I'm just getting this off my chest here in advance. I'm a BT who is hosting a big Thanksgiving dinner, and I am already cringing inside knowing a few people at my table won't be able to hold themselves back from telling me how they would have made the dish. Seeing as no one offered, I'm making it my way thank you very much.

So in advance:
- no, I don't think my butternut squash soup would be better with cumin. My husband won't eat touch it.
- no, I don't think my stuffing needs XYZ seasoning.
- no, my rolls are great as white bread, I'm not looking for whole wheat.
- no, I don't need to serve fruit at dessert. Pumpkin pie counts as a vegetable on Thanksgiving.
- no, I don't need to know that you prefer I keep the yams whole, I like to mash them the way my mother did.

Just had to vent, thanks.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:47 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

Ha. Keep a notebook handy. Any time someone offers advice, write it down. Tell them you’ve put them on that dish for next year. Thank them for offering!

Yeah, but no. I'm not doing that. I'm not a restaurant. And they can't bring the dish, they don't keep kosher.
This is my mother in law, father in law, adult children.

The only acceptable comment is "pass the gravy" or "this was delicious".

When they make these comments, I just smile. This thread is just for me to vent.

amother

NeonBlue ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:48 pm

Op it's sounds like your working really hard to prepare. Hashem should help your Thanksgiving dinner go smoothly and help you stay calm throughout it all. Hosting can be tough even if the guest are the easiest....

...maybe reevaluate next year if this is something you want to be doing.
And if it means being leftover of Thanksgiving dinner with the family that may be better than working hard hosting and being criticized.

↑ mummiedearest

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

Got it. How annoying! Vent away.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:00 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

Thank you. I do NOT want to be doing Thanksgiving, the last thing I need is another "chag" to cook for and host - this used to be the one time a year I got to drive and be a guest! My MIL used to cater it. They live in a retirement facility now and can't host. The other person who in theory could have hosted does not have a kosher kitchen (my MIL used to keep hers kosher) so we could heat up the food, so she can't host. They don't want to use sternos.

Not going is really not an option. We go to them every other year, so at least I get next year off. Next year we go to my family... family dynamics are weird.

They want me to host. So it's just one more day for me. I can take the comments, I just want to growl inside.

amother

Daylily

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

Love these examples, seems like everyone has their way to prepare a dish, but your the one preparing it and you do it how your family likes it, and no, not everything has to be healthy Smile

pumpkin pie is a vegetable Smile

yum.

amother

↑ NeonBlue

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow! When then let all your growls out here!
I'll shout put a tefilla for you should all go smooth.

amother

Bottlebrush

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:33 pm

OMG I can relate too well and this is just SO annoying.
Honestly, these comments do get to me! I try to self talk that honestly they should be embarrassed and I should not care what they say… easier said than done. Because hosting Thanksgiving dinner is a LOT of work.

My sister has a similar issue with her in laws and she handles it by simply stating ‘well this was the recipe’. (I plan to say that this year)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:38 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

Oh well, I just hosted my in laws over Shabbos who couldn't stop raving how delicious everything was but didn't actually eat anything Speechless

Lol, last time I hosted my in-laws, they came for a late lunch on chol hamoed sukkos. I "only" served fresh vegetable soup that I made that morning, spaghetti with meat sauce (in a separate dish so people could have plain pasta if they wanted), and garlic bread. Homemade pie and ice cream. Everyone ate a ton. No one complimented me at all. And when I say they ate a ton, they ate a TON.

Since no one thanked me or complimented me at all, I assumed I had insulted my MIL somehow. So I apologized for only serving pasta and meat sauce. To which she responded "thats ok, we'll eat again when we get home". She left my house at 5:00 mind you, after sitting at my table eating for 2 hours.

So I know it's just her personality. But omg lady!

amother

↑ Hyssop

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

You definitely win in the interesting (crazy?) in laws competition.

And do me a favour, don't you ever apologise again for making what sounds like a really delicious lunch!

familyfirst

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:42 pm

Pumpkin pie is a vegetable. Apple cake is a fruit, cumin won’t work, we’re eating g this mashed…. Let’s eat

That’s the mantra

As an aside-you could totally put your adult kids in their place. Ask them to show up early and cook said food their way, otherwise no comments.

As for the in laws- I know you want to growl, so feel free to growl here. But if you could muster up some graciousness and praise them for their good advice, it’ll go a long way to making them feel like their advice and opinions are heard and appreciated.

If this doesn’t resonate with you, the. Delete and growl away!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:56 pm

amother Rainbow wrote:

Can your parents “host” in your house if they used to cater it but dont have space maybe this is a good option they can cater it in your home

I actually thought thats what they were going to do! They sent me a $200 check, which was very generous. But not enough to cater.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:57 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

You definitely win in the interesting (crazy?) in laws competition.

And do me a favour, don't you ever apologise again for making what sounds like a really delicious lunch!

Thank you for that. They really are nice people, but I think they are just old and grumpy at this point.