White- mother of boy

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:32 pm

Can I wear a white/off white dress at the Vort of my son? I’m not sure what color the Kallah will wear.

amother

Waterlily ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:34 pm

Ask the Kallah. My mother in law asked me, and I was happy to say yes because I had a showstopper of a colored dress and didnt think her white dress would take away. Also she was in her sixties, which I think is also relevant.

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:35 pm

I never knew there were any rules regarding the vort. If you want to double check, find out what the Kallah is wearing. Would you be questioning whether or not to wear a black dress if the Kallah was wearing black?

amother

Canary

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:37 pm

I heard from my dd that it's a thing now for the kallah to wear a white dress to her vort.
So maybe that's what op is referring to? She doesn't want to take away from the kallah.

Having said that, can anyone confirm that it's a real thing? I don't go to too many vorts.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:47 pm

I just feel that if the Kallah wears white, I’m matching. But if she doesn’t wear white, I’m overpowering her, so it’s a lose lose😏

amother

↑ Waterlily

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:48 pm

amother Canary wrote:

Confirmed, it’s a thing. White stands out and is “special.”

amother

Forsythia

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:58 pm

No please dont
My mil showed up with a long white dress to my vort
I was so annoyed
White is reserved for kallah only

amother

Ginger

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:07 pm

my paternal grandmother wore white to my parents wedding. my mother never forgave her. literally .

I say hard no. don’t ask her because she may feel obliged to say yes. who know how empowered she is to speak the truth to her mother in law ?

hard no

amother

Pear

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:25 pm

It’s probably safer to wear something else if possible, just because you don’t know how it would make her feel and wouldn’t want to start off the relationship with bad feelings…
Personally, my mother in law wore white to my vort and that didn’t really bother me too much, but when she also wore white to my wedding even though it was one thing I asked her not to do, that really made me angry. She says it was off white so it’s ok.

amother

Dill ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:26 pm

Yes, in recent years it became a thing for kallah to wear white to vort.
I would stay away,
( it also really really bothers me when siblings of the bride/chosson wear white or off white to wedding also...)

amother

Amber

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 9:45 am

amother Waterlily wrote:

Confirmed, it’s a thing. White stands out and is “special.”

Even in winter? Hard to imagine that it's easy to find a white dress for a winter vort.

amother

Garnet ↓

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 12:14 pm

amother Dill wrote:

I did, because my sister in law could literally care less and loved the dress I found. Personally I would not have appreciated it when I got married if my SILs wore white to my wedding. So to each their own

I’m not sure why other people doing something at a wedding that isn’t yours would “really really” bother you though

amother

↑ Garnet

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 12:15 pm

amother Amber wrote:

Even in winter? Hard to imagine that it's easy to find a white dress for a winter vort.

The same way they find a white wedding gown..

amother

Cerise

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 12:16 pm

I be wouldn’t.

The kallah should stick out the most.

Was recently at a vort and the sister of the kallah was wearing a white dress and it was throwing everyone off.

amother

Azure

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 12:31 pm

amother Dill wrote:

To the wedding it is clear who the kallah is. You cant miss her.
There are racks and racks of white _off white for mother/sister of the bride in gemachs and rentals so I dont think thats considered such an issue.

At a vort, the kallah is not so obvious. It is a thing recently in Lakewood (but not universal) for the kallah to wear a white simcha dress to her vort. Even Iin winter. t does help her stand out.
And at a vort others should not wear white simcha dresses
Especially in the winter.

amother

↑ Dill

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 12:31 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

Obviously to each his own, but I know a few people that don't think its a "problem ", didn't ask the Kallah and the Kallah was NOT happy.
When I was looking for gowns for weddings sometimes I really couldn't tell if they were kallah gowns or not.
Idk, it rubs me the wrong way.
It happens to be I didn't wear white to my wedding ( blush/ pink/nude) but it would have bothered me.
White is for Kallah

Raizle

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 12:32 pm

amother Waterlily wrote:

Confirmed, it’s a thing. White stands out and is “special.”

I think it's a shame if it's a thing.
Often white doesn't suit girls and they have to make it work with loads of makeup. It's better for them to be able to get a color they like that suits their complexion