Double take-Helping hand

amother

Steel ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:12 am

Tirzah was completely unreasonable. She just presumed her sil would help her without asking. And she had a lot of presumptions about her cousin, that she has a car, cleaning help and a job outside the house without knowing any real info about her life.

amother

DarkYellow ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:14 am

I was confused that Tirtza had any resentment. Is it true that the parks in Israel are full of seminary girls doing chesed and virtually everyone has help? The whole thing felt so foreign to me

amother

Mintgreen ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:26 am

Being an adult is hard.
Being a parent is hard.
Everyone wants help.
Few get it.

The sooner Tirtza realizes it’s her kids, her life, her problem, the sooner she will work stuff out with her husband—who shares responsibility. The sem girl didn’t tell her to have kids.

And out of the two moms, the other one needed help more and didn’t do anything wrong trying to get it. And she didn’t have to give it up—she’s right, if she gave it up she would not be able to replace her.

amother

Hyacinth

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:28 am

Honestly I just read it and felt they are both such brats. Expecting help just because you have a family member there is just so off. I don't think one needs it more than the other at all and I think it's horrible to kind of fight over who needs the help more.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:29 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

Being an adult is hard.
Being a parent is wrong.
Everyone wants help.
Few get it.

The sooner Tirtza realizes it’s her kids, her life, her problem, the sooner she will work stuff out with her husband—who shares responsibility. The sem girl didn’t tell her to have kids.

And out of the two moms, the other one needed help more and didn’t do anything wrong trying to get it. And she didn’t have to give it up—she’s right, if she gave it up she would not be able to replace her.

Being a parent is wrong? Scratching Head

shev

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:33 am

I actually agree with Tirtza help begins at home. A girl should be belping her siblings before a couson.
In Israel its quite easy to get girls for pay to help with kids in the afternoon. Its not too expensive. The lifestyle there is different. The little children finish playgrp, babysitters at abt 1. So, its common that the parks are full of seminary girls and reg girls watching lil kids.

amother

NeonBlue ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:34 am

As someone who has been in Israel for over 10 years, with numerous Chessed girls (only the years I was lucky enough to know people coming in), I have to say some points were completely unrealistic -

Your Chessed girl cooks Shabbos in 3 hours for you?!

Planning your schedule and work commitm,ents around your Chessed girl?

Having the girl for every single meal when you're expecting and not up for it?

Nobody owns thier relatives, just because they happen to be related more or need help. In fact, my own sister opted to go to an Israeli family to get more of an "experience!"

My incredible Chessed girls have taken the kids to the park for 2 hours, usually less, and do not come every week. They have trips and other activities.

amother

DarkRed

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:34 am

Probably beside the point but when I was in a similar situation, my niece split her time between both of us (we each had her come every other Thursday) which seemed the most “fair” thing to do.

It was the first and last time I had a chessed girl and it was AMAZING!!!!

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:36 am

amother Steel wrote:

I didn't get the point of working outside the home made someone "less eligible" for cleaning help as per Tirtza's opinion.

amother

↑ DarkYellow ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:37 am

amother NeonBlue wrote:

Thanks for the info. This makes more sense!

watergirl

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:37 am

Both of the women in this double take are the problem. These sem chessed girls are not meant to be a lifeline of help. The three hours a week they come is not meant to save anyone from this stress.

They’re treating this 18-year-old crawl like an object.

I’ve heard horror stories from friends who were treated like this when they did their chessed - their time in these homes With all the help that is women received, but they clearly needed a lot more. The pressure the girls felt is unreal.

amother

↑ Steel ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:37 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I didn't get the point of working outside the home made someone "less eligible" for cleaning help as per Tirtza's opinion.

Yeah think the same. Tirzah's being a brat. She 'decided' that her cousin doesn't need the help as much as she did. What the...?

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:39 am

oohlala wrote:

Why is the seminary girl being treated like an object to fight over? I find this mystifying.

People don't fight over cleaning ladies before Pesach?

amother

↑ NeonBlue ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:42 am

amother Steel wrote:

Yeah think the same. Tirzah's being a brat. She 'decided' that her cousin doesn't need the help as much as she did. What the...?

I think that the onus should have been on the seminary girl to ask her sil first if she wanted her to help her before going to someone not as closely related. I agree

amother

↑ NeonBlue ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:43 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

People don't fight over cleaning ladies before Pesach?

Chessed is free. The point is people shouldn't treat it like it's coming to them

BH Yom Yom

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:44 am

I feel for both women, and I don’t think either one was more or less deserving. I do think Tirtza should have communicated much earlier on that she would like Shiffy to come to her instead of waiting to bring it up until she did. The alternating Thursdays idea someone mentioned upthread would have been a good compromise.

amother

Mayflower ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:54 am

Some seminary girls are more definitely more mature, responsible and capable than others. However, relying on any of them to this extent is just silly and anyone doing so is just asking to be disappointed.

JasmineDragon ↓

Sun, Nov 24 2024, 8:00 am

Tirtza never communicated with her family until her sister-in-law had already made arrangements. If they'd both asked it would be one thing, but they didn't. The one who asked for help got help.