12 year old wants a fade haircut

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amother

Peach

Yesterday at 6:15 pm

There is definitely a way to incorporate a fade without compromising halacha. It's not going to be exactly like his friends, but can be pretty cool. There is a specific minimum thickness it has to be by the peyos and around the ear, use that as your baseline.

↑ Cheiny

Yesterday at 6:18 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Mostly covered with his yarmulke . But definitely nothing against Halacha .

This isn’t a fade.

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Yesterday at 6:33 pm

gr82no wrote:

Google fade haircut, the images that come up are a zero on the bottom. Your son has less of a fade haircut than I assume her son wants

The lowest my son does is about a 2. He’s scared of his menahel lol . But it doesn’t matter, even if he went as low as a zero, . It still wouldn’t be against Halacha .

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Yesterday at 6:34 pm

Cheiny wrote:

This isn’t a fade.

Yes it is . It’s a 2 on the bottom and gets longer at the top , up to about a 4 . And then the very top is scissors . Similar to this one .

dena613

Yesterday at 6:51 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

The lowest my son does is about a 2. He’s scared of his menahel lol . But it doesn’t matter, even if he went as low as a zero, . It still wouldn’t be against Halacha .

Your son's haircut is fine.

Why would a zero in peyos area be okay? It's a deoraisa.

ra_mom

Yesterday at 6:55 pm

There are all sorts of fade haircuts and all sorts of levels.
These GQ photos all contain fade haircuts where the side burns are not fully shaved off and wouldn't be against halacha.
Let him choose from here.
Don't make it about halacha but see if you can get him to pick a style that keeps his sideburns.
https://www.gq.com/gallery/bes.....arber

amother

Amethyst

Yesterday at 7:32 pm

Both my little boys have fades. In mainstream yeshivos, lower grades. It’s a cool cut and they are little. I like at like like styling ur girls hair in space buns or something else fun. Nothing wrong with it other than it being funky

kenz

Yesterday at 8:02 pm

I was waiting for my son’s turn at the barber and the 20-ish bachur before us requested a “a yeshivah boy fade, suitable for Lakewood.” Not gonna say I didn’t find it amusing but the frum barber knew just what to do to make him happy. It’s definitely doable.

amother

Diamond

Yesterday at 8:12 pm

kenz wrote:

😆

amother

Oldlace

Yesterday at 8:26 pm

Let him get a 'frum fade' instead of fading to 0 it fades to a 2.

I would point out to him that you are doing it in a halachikly permitted way 1. so that he realizes he can look for solutions within the confines of halacha in general 2. so that next time he doesnt decide why not try fading to 0 my mom prob doesnt care once she allows fades

amother

Dustypink ↓

Yesterday at 8:48 pm

You have to very careful about blade behind the ear also. It’s not just in front of the ear. A fade involves shaving in front, above and behind the ear. All of which can problematic if the razor is too low.
(We do not wear any payos other than what grows from the skin cut short. But our rav says a razor cannot be used behind the ear to clean up. My dh’s bar or insiste everyone does it…)

amother

↑ Dustypink

Yesterday at 8:51 pm

amother Amethyst wrote:

The fade is a zero or two?

Even on little boys you can’t cut the hair in front of the ear at zero.

I’m so confused. Of course 2 is okay. I’m not sure if we are referring to 2 or zero. A really fade is a zero around the ear.

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Yesterday at 9:00 pm

dena613 wrote:

Your son's haircut is fine.

Why would a zero in peyos area be okay? It's a deoraisa.

Not in the peyos . At the bottom

↑ mommy3b2c

Yesterday at 9:04 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

No it’s not . There are plenty of fades that keep sideburns intact .

amother

Mintgreen

Yesterday at 9:38 pm

12 is old to be in a secular school. I'm not questioning your decision. Presumably you have a good reason. But you need a special sort of chinuch for him in this situation, you can't rely on the normal way of raising Jewish kids.

One thing that is absolutely essential is for him to have a relationship with a rabbi where he feels comfortable asking questions. And the rabbi gives him the core Halacha without any chumros. This is so so important. He's going to face more and more challenges and knowing what he can give in on and what he can't is going to be more and more important.

Can you even put these in order from best to worse? Most people can't and that's why he needs a relationship with a mentor/Rabbi who can guide him.

1) taking hot chocolate if someone shows him the label
2) eating an unidentified chocolate bar
3) eating a food with a certificate he doesn't recognize
4) eating whole strawberries from the fruit plate his friend brought in

(I picked koshrus because that's more neutral. But the number of and complexity of questions that come up is real. And I wouldn't assume that he automatically knows that taking off his kippah is in a totally different category than dating a non-jewish girl.)

This question can be a fantastic opportunity. Not for you to feed him the answer and not for you to get the answers off of this forum. But to introduce him to a sensitive Rabbi who can be a spiritual guide for him on his journey ahead.

amother

Hotpink

Today at 6:33 am

Guys, there are different types of fades. Find some pics of cool looking fades that dont totally remove the peyos and bring pics to the barber

Here are examples:

This would be a not ok fade:

amother

Jetblack

Today at 7:35 am

The above pictures are what comes to mind when I think of "fade". I'd say not ok (I'm mo lite for reference) my sons have haircuts similar to the poster's son picture above. I don't consider that a fade. It's a regular "more on top" boys haircut.

amother

Whitewash

Today at 7:41 am

giftedmom wrote:

What amazing well being is worth sacrificing your child’s Yiddishkeit for?

This.
Sorry to be blunt but You’re murdering his spirituality (well being) for himself and likely for all his generations forever. What type of well being is that.

Signed,
A grandaughter (descendant) of the Marranos. - My grandfather (many times over) fled with family, he wasn’t actually a Marrano, because he didn’t want to compromise our spiritual well being. I am eternally grateful.

↑ seeker

Today at 8:57 am

You know what I've seen ruin people's spirituality forever? Having terrible experiences in yeshiva. Even if the yeshiva is not abusive but just poorly equipped for the student's individual needs.

keym

Today at 9:14 am

I agree with an earlier poster

This is a reality good opportunity to find a Rav that is accessible and can teach and talk and work with your son about any issue that may come up

I know that we hold that some of the pictured styles are definitely ok and some may or may not be questionable. (We hold a 2 around the ears is definitely ok, a 1 is questionable and a 0 is Assur) but your Rav may hold differently.

He's approaching a rough time both socially - teenage fitting in and almost bar mitzvah and an understanding approachable Rav who can work with him on various things that come up- what's required, what's better, what's not necessary.

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