Upsherins | Imamother

amother

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 8:10 pm

Hi Imas, I’m going to IYH be making my first upsherin and I have no idea what to expect since it’s my husbands family custom but not mine. This is my first boy so I really haven’t been to very many, definitely not lately. What elements do I need to account for, besides the hair cutting? Is it done at the party, before, after? Do people have a seudas mitzvah or just put out some food? I think I’ve heard of pekelach being given out, but maybe I’m just confusing it with an aufruf? Does someone speak? Do people typically invite their broader circle or just family and close friends? And how fancy are these events usually? For reference, I live out of town and like to do things nicely but am not looking to throw a grand ball. Thanks in advance!

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 8:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

There's no seudas mitzva because there's no mitzva involved. Not like a wedding, which is a mitzva. A bar mitzva party is not either a seudas mitzva, unless the boy is making a siyum.

To clarify, there is no mitzva to cut the hair at 3 or 2 or 5. The minhag has become to cut at 3 for many people. Many litvish people (and others) do not have this minhag

The upsherin is a minhag without any parameters. Basically, you can do it how you like.

Cut the hair and make a party. Or don't. Make a nice, big, fancy party or just have your own kids. Or something in between.
I have made a little birthday party in the classroom, and that's it. You can give out pekelach if you want. A lot of people will have all the adults take turns snipping at the hair.

You can cut the hair before, during or after the party. Many people start at the party and finish at the barber, but some choose to skip the cutting at the party so as not to overwhelm the little boy.

If you have guests and someone wants to speak, why not? Basically- anything goes.

Some people have a minhag to wrap the kid in a tallis and take him to cheder on the day of (or the day after) his upsherin. (This is not officially part of the upsherin, but people do it around the same time. )
The idea is that he shouldn't see anything unholy on that day.

In the cheder, the rebbe will do a little presentation and have the kid lick honey off a laminated card that has Alef-bais onit, to teach him that Torah is sweet.

Eta. Oh, another thing that has become popular lately, though there's no source for it afaik- is to take the kids to holy people, like rebbes or roshei yeshiva, and ask them to snip some of the hair off.
Then the rebbe gives the child a bracha to grow into a talmid chacham and tzaddik.