Raising a family in Israel without extended family to help?

amother

DarkCyan ↓

Yesterday at 9:23 pm

There are thousands of success stories.
I don't think anyone has failed because of that although it is definitely a challenge. Israelis tend to spend every chag plus Shabosos through the year with family. All simchos are with family. It's hard to always be the ones who have nowhere to go. It's hard never to get a break from preparing Shabbos and Yomtov. It's hard to have no family to rely on in an emergency.
But you make good friends who also have no one and you rely on each other.
Aliya doesn't fall over the lack of family. It just exacerbates the real reason.

amother

Coral

Yesterday at 9:23 pm

Im doing it. But I started out in Israel so this is all I know. What helps is having a community, I have a couple of friends in the same matzav and we get together on shabbos afternoons, in the summer…. They are part of our shul so the husbands are friends too.

Missing simchos gets easier but it’s hard. My sibling got engaged and another had a baby in the same week and I cried a lot, I was desperate to run home and join the fun. We FaceTime family a lot and I make sure my kids know all their cousins aunts uncles….

I definitely have bigger breaks between my kids because I know I won’t have help. But we’re ok with it. My kids get more screen time than I would like because they don’t have so much cousin/ family time so they need it for an outlet.

I get together with friends a lot to make up for lack of sisters, and I make sure to helps others with meals in hard times and my friends reciprocate that for me.
Hardest is in the summer when the entire Israel is off and chilling with family and we are alone and forgetten. Chanuka too, but gets easier as my kids get older.

If you always remember why you made Aliyah, you keep the benefits in the front of your mind, you can conquer most hardships. Sometimes I just walk on down street and marvel how lucky I am to live in Eretz Yisroel. And 5 minutes later I can be crying on the phone to my mom that I miss her. Not a contradiction!
Good luck!!!!

Zeleze

Yesterday at 9:26 pm

Raising a family in Israel without help from parents is not easy, especially if you grew up in a upscale home where money was not such a problem and your parents had a good Parnose.

Some in Israel have a good parnose but mainly if both parents work, not if you're a Kollel Yungerman then it's really difficult

amother

Gray ↓

Yesterday at 9:40 pm

We’re doing it. It feels amazing. I mean we’re living in Israel, we’re living with Gd in a way those outside of Israel aren’t. It’s not easy and my few distant cousins have become very very close. We are together most chaggim and many shabbatot. We both work full time with both of us getting slightly lower than our market value, my dh works from home full time and has flexibility to be in a part time kollel instead of commuting to Tel Aviv and I am part time from home and work very early hours to finish early. We’re both in high tech so the salaries are still very good for Israel. We’re very happy and many in my in law family are now planning on moving!

amother

↑ DarkCyan

Yesterday at 9:48 pm

I'm doing it.
The above posts make it sound like you can only do it if you make compromises that otherwise you wouldn't make.
But I don't feel I have to make compromises. I have a big family. I don't allow screen time. I work on taking my kids on fun trips instead of visiting family when necessary. My husband is in kollel and I work.
It's good. But it's harder work than living near family.

heidi

Yesterday at 10:14 pm

It's doable- especially if you live in an immigrant rich community where there are lots of others in the same situation.
What was really difficult for me were long vacations- erev pesach, summer when everyone else seemed to have help with childcare- this sister took for 2 days, then this sister reciprocated, there was camp saba and savta for a few days and we had zero help. I remember my parents in the US telling me that they were flying to my sister's (who doesn't work) to babysit so she could go on vacation while I was in the height of the summer angst of finding different solutions on almost a daily basis. I got off the phone and cried.

essie14

Yesterday at 11:27 pm

I am doing it, as are most of my neighbors.
DH and I were not enmeshed with our parents before we made aliyah anyway.
We weren't spending every Yom tov with family.
No one was babysitting or making meals or helping PP.
Our parents don't help our siblings much so I don't feel that we are missing out so much.

I probably have more of a support system here in Israel because most of my friends have little to no family here and we have become each others family.

I do feel bad that my kids don't have grandparents nearby but it's not like they're the only ones.
We have some fabulous "adopted grandparents".

amother

Eggplant

Today at 12:45 am

I did it although technically I live near my in law family. In the early years we were invited to eat there fairly often which was a help but there was never any help with the kids at all. The most difficult thing was dealing with sick kids when we had to go to work. More than that, it took me a long time to settle in and I was quite homesick for a long time but never got any kind of emotional support from them whatsoever. I did resent it at the time but I've gotten over it. That being said, although I'm a very nice and respectful and helpful daughter in law, I don't have particularly warm or fuzzy feelings towards them.
It's possible to raise a family on your own, but loving, supportive family certainly makes it easier. In the absence of family, you can see from this thread people find their support in different places.

amother

Stone

Today at 12:54 am

This is how I’ve been living for 20 years but I’m not in Israel.
We are alone without any family to help us and we’re here to tell the tale.
It can be hard and lonely at times but I think it’s probably easier in Israel since many people are living like this.

amother

↑ Gray

Today at 1:04 am

amother Powderblue wrote:

I know people that have done it but it's definitely not easy
Adjusting to a new country and culture is also a huge challenge
Do you have friends to help
What's pushing you to move

It’s Israel! Who wouldn’t want to move to be close to where Heaven touches Earth.

ora_43

Today at 1:16 am

essie14 wrote:

I am doing it, as are most of my neighbors.
DH and I were not enmeshed with our parents before we made aliyah anyway.

Same (without the aliyah).

My parents and dh's parents were all working full-time when our kids were little. Our family in Israel wasn't any more helpful than family abroad - although of course it's nice to see family more often! but overall we were going to be doing 99% of the work of raising our own kids either way.

Even within Israel - I know we're a small country compared to the US but it's still plenty big enough for extended families to be living pretty far apart. I have friends and family living down south while their parents live up north and vice versa.

Overall of course it's going to be easier to raise kids if you have significant help from family. But it's not impossible without that support. I think what matters more is the overall relationship (between grandkids and grandparents). There what matters most is a lot of willingness on both sides to invest in the relationship and make it work despite the distance.