Why does Hashem make babies not sleep?? 😭😭

amother

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:12 pm

There's a lot we give up when we have kids and for the most part I understand how the giving and the self sacrifice is character building and makes us better people. I can accept the lack of free time, being tied down to a nursing baby, the messy house, the pelvic floor that will never be the same, the expense, etc etc

I can even understand occasional bad nights and never being able to sleep in.

But my baby is almost 10mo and I haven't slept more than a 3 hr stretch since she was born. I have older kids too so I can't get to bed too early and most nights I average 5 hours of interrupted sleep. On a bad night it'll be less, or more interrupted.

I am nonfunctional. I feel like a shell of a person. This is hurting my physical health (constantly getting sick, gaining weight, getting migraines), my mental health (more anxiety and depression), my shalom bayis (way less patience, no time/koach for intimacy), my job performance (hard to focus or access creativity when you feel like a zombie)... EVERYTHING.

I just don't understand why Hashem would make sleep so vital to our wellbeing and then make our babies keep us from getting enough of it. How is this good??

Cheiny

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

The same can be asked for any nisayon or hardship in life. This one is tzaar gidul banim. Olam hazeh is a world of nisyonos.

Luckily this one is something that has a clear end and you get a sweet child out of it…

amother

Papaya

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:27 pm

Same boat. 10 month old baby that wakes every 3 ish hours to eat at night. I put her down tonight around 7 but she was kvetchy and took until 7:40 to sleep and she just woke up now to feed and fell asleep. I might get a nice stretch until 4 am if I’m lucky but every night is diff

amother

Maroon

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:30 pm

It's a great question op!
I NEED my sleep. Everything in my life gets affected if I don't get enough sleep. It's rough.
My baby is 15 months old and sleeps from 7 to 7 b"h but can still cry once or twice a night. I give a pacifier and they're back asleep in no time usually.
But tearing myself out of bed 3am when I had just fallen asleep an hour or 2 before (the joys of having big teens as well) is brutal. I really feel you.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:37 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

My baby is only 4 months old but I keep her crib riiiiight next to my bed just for this reason. So I can just stick my hand in between the slats and pop the paci back in her mouth without even having to sit up. My husband was just asking when we will move her to the other room and I was like no time soon. Too convenient having her right there.

OP it’s hard but unfortunately this is just one of the challenges you were dealt in life. Not all babies are actually such poor sleepers, you’ve just been given the slightly more night-time needy ones.

Do you have money for a sleep coach to help you out? Sounds really rough what you’re going through and how sleep deprived you are.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:39 pm

I love sleeping and cuddling with my babies. Mine is already 18 months but has a sleep schedule of a newborn. Wakes up every few hours to nurse. My DH thinks I'm crazy for still nursing and not getting a good sleep. But I feel like my baby still needs it ( he's a terrible eater)
It's for sure hard with sleep deprivation, not always being able to fall back a sleep...but I love the bonding time I get with my little one, so I just concentrate on that.

amother

Cadetblue

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:51 pm

One of the number one reasons I sleep train my babies once they hit 4 months or so... I can't stand the resentment I feel towards my babies if they keep me up night after night. Whether I should be feeling that resentment or not is a different story, the point here is that I don't want to be feeling that resentment and sleep training was a huge part of eliminating it.

miami85

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:51 pm

When my eldest was born I was adamant "he's only waking up to eat, he must need it" so I dragged my feet on making him cry it out and moving him out of my room. My pediatrician kept telling me he would be ok and I just kept feeding him when he would wake up. I felt a lot like you until I finally was so exhausted--and mind you he was my first--and kicked him out of my room at 8 months. I think after 1-2 nights he was sleeping through the night. It felt SOO great. I know it is SO hard to hear your baby cry, but the first thing a parent needs to do with your child is set healthy boundaries. My pediatrician assured me that by 4, 6, 8 months babies do not need nutrition during the night, so sometimes babies just need to be told "no" essentially and break the habit of waking up. If you don't stop it now it becomes a bad habit you have to wean off eventually. My rule for CIO is that you have to ensure that the only thing baby needs is sleep. If the crying is sharp or escalates or lasts more than a few minutes then baby needs something and you should address it, but if baby is fed, changed clean, and not in pain, then crying for a few minutes is not going to do long term damage. And like you said your other children need you.

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 12:19 am

My oldest was crazy difficult. I could not recover from my birth. At 8 months I thought I'd go crazy, seriously. He was a preemie so I thought all rules don't apply. After a few ppl recommended a sleep training course (baby sleep maven) I gave it a try. In 3 nights it worked. I think I was hindering his sleep. I'm counting the days till my next one turns 4 months and she'll get the same Training. I'll be a much healthier mother.

camp123

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 1:37 am

I also had an incredibly difficult baby who wouldn't sleep....I asked this question many times. It's like you are so tired your bechira has been taken away. Maybe it's a test for the other people in your life in how they deal with you. When you have a baby like this it's not about the sleep training, it's not something you can understand if you haven't experienced it, there isn't always a solution, sometimes there digestive system needs more time than most kids to mature. Just keep in mind that it will eventually pass, and this all part of the yissurim we all get in life.

Ihatepotatoes

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 1:42 am

Something something tzar gidul banim and it is natural and normal and totally ok and no I'm not hallucinating or crying and I really, really wish this - thing would just stop wailing an d close it's eyes for 1 hour so I could actually sleep BUT IT JUST WON'T AND I HAVE TO GO TO WORK IN 3 HOURS AND IF MY EYES DON'T SHUT I'M GOING TO!!!!!

Yeah whatever. He'll fall asleep soon and I'll somehow survive without murdering anyone.

amother

Steelblue

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 3:41 am

Not a popular opinion but...

I don't think it's fair to blame hashem or nature when this may be a man-made problem.

I may be wrong but I believe if we'd treat our babies the way nature intended -- kept close by and nursing on demand for 2+ years, baby induced sleep deprivation would be very rare.

I bedshare with my babies and nurse them side lying. I can latch and unlatch them basically in my sleep. I don't relate to this exhaustion.

bat1

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 3:49 am

Hugs... please speak to sleep trainer and try to do hishtadlus before you 'blame' Hashem for your healthy gift people can only dream about... your baby needs the sleep as much as you do....
If you mean just wakes up for nursing and then goes back to sleep so then you can keep baby close n fall asleep w baby. But if baby fully alert, something needs to change. Do it for yourself your baby and other kids. Even if sleep training might give you less sleep for 2 3 days worthwhile investment in theong run. Giving him tool for life... teach him to sleep w routine. Stay strong.

amother

Ebony

Thu, Nov 14 2024, 5:43 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

Having nursed and co- slept with 4 of my kids until age 2, I do have to politely disagree. Even though I sort- of slept, I woke up soooo exhausted. I barely got any decent sleep. They just nursed endlessly, and I just wanted some real, uninterrupted sleep!
With baby #5, I stopped nursing at 18 months. She still wakes up, and I'm (sort of Wink

) happy to bring her into my bed, because she snuggles in and falls asleep, without me needed to nurse endlessly.

So for me, co- sleeping and nursing is not a recipe for great, restful sleep, at all!