How do I tell her we can’t

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:03 pm

Last year we stretched like crazy to be able to afford sending our oldest to sleep away camp. It was gold for him, so rejuvenating and confidence building. Not my next two are asking- or begging, I should say. We simply cannot afford it. I wish so badly that I could do this for them but I don’t see a way how as we’re hardly making ends meet. Their friends are going, everyone’s talking about it. We keep our financial strain behind closed doors, no one would really know from the outside, even our kids. I feel like being honest with them will generate such insecurity it hurts me to think of doing that to them- on top of missing out on the summer they’re dreaming of. Any and all (helpful) thoughts welcome

amother

Eggshell

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:09 pm

What was the plan when you sent your oldest, out of curiosity? Were you assuming the others wouldn't want to go as well, or were you hoping you'd be in a different financial place by now?

Or did you know you wouldn't be able to send them but felt your oldest needed it so much more?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:29 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

We felt that the oldest needed it badly, made the judgment call to make it work, and just didn’t realize that the youngers would want to follow suite the very next summer. I also recall being hopeful that in following years we’d be in better financial positions. It’s just not to be, we are tighter than ever.

amother

Peru

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

If that's the story, I would simply say "I get that you really want to go. It would be so much fun. But not this year." As many times as you need to repeat it. You don't have to give reasons and don't give lies. This is true. If you felt a specific child needed it and you had the funds you would do it. And that might be the case next year.

amother

Leaf ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:33 pm

How old is the older one and how old are the younger ones? Would saying that you only start at a certain age help?

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:34 pm

I hate to say it but it may be cheaper than therapy later on.
Can you find a camp that provides grants or cheaper? Or willing to work with your situation?
Ask your Rav for help.
I know of many situations like this, better to send to a cheaper sleep away camp than none. Even if their kids are elsewhere.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:38 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

How old are the younger ones?

Will be 10 and 12. 10 year old could use it more than the 12 year old although they’re both begging

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:42 pm

I know they’re young, but much of it is about what the kids around them and their friends are doing and so many of them are going. The pressure is great!
Letting them know we only start at a certain age seems like a good answer.
while it doesn’t really help me, it’s a very good point about it being cheaper than therapy later on!
How does everyone afford this for multiple children? Do people really have so many thousands to blow in not even four weeks available like that?

amother

Hyssop

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Will be 10 and 12. 10 year old could use it more than the 12 year old although they’re both begging

They are way too young for camp.
No need to go before they are 14-15.

Just tell them they are too young and try saving so you can afford it when it's time.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

No answer, but davening for you.

amother

Cognac

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:00 pm

Girls or boys? My girls worked as mother’s helpers and we didn’t have to pay for camp. It was just the registration fee. I agree about telling the younger one they are too young to go.

amother

Geranium

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:11 pm

We were not able to afford most of the time. I think we just told our kids we don't do everything that others do. (Then again we chose a lower-paying field that contributes to society, and we have no problem saying we can't pay for every want.)

One DD went as mother's helper.

Now I see my kids sending many kids. I'm sure some really need... but it becomes a must & I think it's out of hand.

Last year one of my DGC said the friends are trying to fundraise to help pay for a friend.

There are definitely funds to help, but I think should only be used when a kid "rally needs it" and not for crazy expensive over the top places.

amother

SandyBrown ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:11 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

They are way too young for camp.
No need to go before they are 14-15.

Dunno what community you come from, but the norm is that at 14/15 they are starting to work, not really the she to be campers

amother

↑ Leaf ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Will be 10 and 12. 10 year old could use it more than the 12 year old although they’re both begging

How old is the one that went this year? And yes since you can’t afford it definitely push it off for a few years even if everyone else is going. You should not be going into debt for this. Once they are in high school it becomes more of a “need” (and high isn’t really a need but a societal need). Maybe explain to them that camp is expensive and they can work the next 2 summers to earn it, they can be daycamp counselors in the summer and do some babysitting all year.

amother

↑ Leaf

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:13 pm

amother SandyBrown wrote:

Dunno what community you come from, but the norm is that at 14/15 they are starting to work, not really the she to be campers

In our community the going age is coming out of 7th or 8th until coming out of 10th. So starting at 8th or 9th and then after 10th is when you usually can go to camp as a worker with a minimal fee.

OP can you apply for youth corp? Or does your state have something similar?

amother

↑ SandyBrown ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:18 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

That's not the case for most people and apparently isn't the case for OP.
OOC, what community are you from?

amother

Foxglove

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:29 pm

Interesting that so many send highschool age! That's the age they could and should work, no? In my community the norm is to send after 4th or 5th grade through 8th. Some also send girls after 9th. Day camp only goes through 4th / 5th, so there really is no options afterwards. Too young to work.

Dunno what to tell you OP, it's really hard! Does your oldest want to go again? How old is s/he?

If your oldest is not going, I would maybe try really hard to make it happen for the 12 yr old and tell the 10 yr old he will iy"h a bit older. Once they start very hard to go back to day camp. If u send the 12 yr old the next two summers, after that it can be the 10 yr olds turn for 2 summers etc...

Many camps offer scholarships. Try to see if u can get that