How do I tell her....

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 12:19 pm

Dd is an "older single" (she's 30) and is very very sensitive about it. I noticed the other day, that she is going prematurely grey Not a lot, just a few strands, but it's noticeable. She has dark blonde hair and if she wasn't so sensitive about her age, I would suggest a few subtle highlights. But I am not sure how to present it so that she doesn't feel she is aging faster than ever.

amother

Anemone

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 12:28 pm

Would she know to go get it colored on her own? If she is not aware of her options and has nobody else to tell her than you are mom and you've gatta do the 'dirty ' work
Give her a list of options to solve problem

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 12:32 pm

amother Anemone wrote:

I doubt it. I also doubt she has noticed there is an issue yet.

flowerpower

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 2:08 pm

If she brushes her hair and looks in the mirror meanwhile she should somehow notice them. Do you think maybe she does and pulls them out?

amother

Ivory

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 2:15 pm

If I'd be in her place then I would want to be told!

By the way I had a few gray hairs when I was 17.

You can tell her that many have grays even in their teens.

amother

Cyan

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 2:50 pm

Personally I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to tell her but if you do don’t make it an age thing. My husband at 22 had 6 white hairs not gray, white

Cheiny

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 3:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

I agree not to say anything. I’m not sure why you think she doesn’t notice it. If she looks in the mirror she notices it, but if you do bring it up you’ll only be highlighting (no pun) your own feelings about her age and marital status and it will be hurtful to her. She’s an adult, let her be and I’m sure if and when it becomes an issue of more than a few strands, she will decide to take care of it.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 4:03 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

Personally I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to tell her but if you do don’t make it an age thing. My husband at 22 had 6 white hairs not gray, white

And I know of someone whos beard grew in white as a bochur

amother

↑ Glitter

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 4:08 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

Personally I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to tell her but if you do don’t make it an age thing. My husband at 22 had 6 white hairs not gray, white

All "gray" hairs are white.

amother

Myrtle

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 5:16 pm

WHy is that premature? Im 30, almost 31 and throughout this year ive been plucking a few ive seen. My husband is quite gray and hes mid 30's. His was premature .Has white since I knew him when he was 23

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:14 pm

Whether it's premature isn't the point. The point is that shidduchim are hard enough as it is, and we need her to look great (and not any older than she is...)

imasinger

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:20 pm

Can you give her a birthday or Chanukah present that's a gift certificate for a cut and color at a salon, and make it about pampering rather than fixing?

FWIW (and I have older single kids, so I'm not saying this out in left field), I don't believe an adult "needs" to look a certain way. If she's single this long, it's probably not about gray hairs or other signs of age. Let her be who she is, and daven like crazy that Hashem sends her zivug.

amother

Aster

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:21 pm

Do you have a good relationship with her? Maybe buy a gift certificate to a nice spa that does hair coloring so she can get her hair colored. Maybe she notices but finds it overwhelming and doesn't know where to go...

essie14

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:11 pm

I started getting gray hair in my early 30s when I was single. My friends and I all discussed this and had our hair colored at a salon. It's part of grooming, like eyebrow waxing, etc.
Is she socially savvy? Generally on top of her appearance?
Then don't say a word.
She can also choose not to color her hair and that's just fine. Plenty of women get married when they have gray hair.
I take offense at your wording, "we need her to look...."
She's an adult. She can look however she wants.