Sorry, your brain is weird

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 1:04 pm

You don’t have a normal brain. Even if you think you do.
Thats it. That’s the whole premise.
I’m a neurotypical woman married to an autistic man. I could write a whole novel on my childhood trauma. In fact, that’s sort of what I’m doing. None of us are getting out of here alive. For example, last night I made a huge mistake. I let my toddler go to sleep in pajamas.
They were fleecey footie pajamas with pink cupcakes on them. She loves pink. Harmelss, right? Wrong!
You see my toddler, who were going to call Rivka, for lack of a better pseudonym, is a perfect example of this phenomenon . She is so sweet and affectionate and highly verbal. She was potty trained at two years to the day and has a bigger vocabulary than most adults I know.
Little Rivky can’t handle clothing changes. Getting her dressed for a day out is misery. She has thick curly dark hair, and having her look semi-groomed is a battle against futility. She doesn’t like zippers, she doesn’t like buttons, and she’ll really only agree to clothes if they’re pink.
She also can’t handle mornings. You think your kids are cranky in the mornings? It is one long meltdown after another with Rivka. After 10am, she’s ok. Before ten am forget about it. We did a whole sleep intervention with a research university. Didn’t help. Got her to sleep earlier, sure. But mornings are still nightmares.
Rifky also can’t stand temperatures. Cold, hot, or water on her hands and face. If her baby brother touches her, she falls over on the ground screaming “Babies pushed me!”
She’s called him Babies since birth .
His name for now is Babies, I’ll come up with a better pseudonym for him later.
This is called sensory processing disorder and you would not believe how many assessments I had to pay for, out of pocket, to find this vague and nebulous diagnosis.
But if you see Rivka in any number of situations , she seems normal.

Speaking of things Ive had to pay for out of pocket, we got home from her occupational therapy late last night. Being somewhat of a night owl, Rivka was happy to eat her dinner while I put her brother to bed. She really wanted to put her pajamas on.
What kind of mother doesn’t let her child wear pajamas? I asked myself
So I let her sleep in her pajamas, instead of her school clothes for the next day .
BIG mistake.
I’m not going to elaborate on all the meltdowns we had this morning as I was trying to get her dressed. Just the following thought process

Would it really be that bad if I sent her to playgroup in her pajamas? I thought for a hot second
Yes. Yes it would.
For the following reasons. We, as in my family, are not normal. Not only are we weird in a neurodivergent way, but we’re weird in a yichus way as well. My husband is BT (and neurodivergent and wears weird clothes despite my pleading) and I am a patrilineal giyores with severe social anxiety. All the social awareness he doesn’t have, I do. I am hyper aware of people’s opinions at all time. My child is at least going to wear tottini to play group.
while I was offering her choices “the black dress?” “The maroon dress?” And dhe was saying no and swatting them away with increasing anger, I tried to tell myself, again, that it didn’t matter.
It never mattered to my mother. Not at all. I looked a mess my entire childhood. Clothes were stained and didn’t fit. Hair was a mess (I have my daughter’s curly hair. In the early two thousands they called it frizzy. Also I guarantee my mother never styled it. ) When I got old enough I’d wash my school uniforms and underwear in the bathroom sink. I was mocked my entire childhood for having frizzy hair and dorky clothes. As I tried to put my daughter’s hair into a ponytail as gently as possible and bite down my rage I realized this. I need her to look cute. Regardless. I need to find a way she can look normal. I won’t have other kids making fun of her.
Trauma, overreacting?
I don’t know. I feel like it’s an important way of showing my love?
Maybe just throw out all clothes with zippers through?