What’s the point of seminary?

CPenzias ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 7:38 pm

amother Strawberry wrote:

It was a life changing year for me. I grew in every area. It was when I had time to think and figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life away from mommy’s apron stings. Also my only time to truly live in Israel and explore the land and learn so much.

Same! It was an amazing year for me. I wanted to go for a 2nd year but got married to my boyfriend 😉 my son is there now and bh enjoying it. And I'm not paying 50k. Idk where that figure came from

amother

Honey ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 7:43 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

When I was newly married living in EY my husband and I saw the seminary girls and felt it was a waste of money. (I went to seminary in NY.) Fast forward 18 yrs and we don't have the extra money but we are considering sending our daughter to Israel for seminary because she didn't have the best high school experience and she wants to learn and grow in yiddishkeit. She wants to go into the medical field and we hope that seminary will solidify her foundation so she knows who she is before she starts college.

This. I can't say every single girl needs it, but the secular college world and the secular working world are harsh and many girls are not prepared from high school alone. My friends who did not have a good high school experience but a good seminary experience staying much more spiritually connected than those who had bad of both. (A decade+ later

Is the current seminary system the best answer? Probably not. But it's the answer that's available right now. Our communities are not set up to support the spiritual connection of girls post high school. Most of them are running on whatever inspiration they have left from seminary.... Until that runs out or they get married first.

amother

Daffodil

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 7:45 pm

Can't say I was expecting these responses when I opened the thread. But I guess I'm not actually the norm?
Chabad, went to Bais Chana Tzfat (chitrik for the lubavitchers) and absolutely loved it. I grew so much, I got to experience text based learning like I never did in high school. I made life long friendships and connections. I learned so much about myself and my values and where I want to go in life.
Sure there were issues, but I grew so much, I want to prioritize that for my girls (my oldest girl is 5 so it's not that relevant now)

amother

Mustard ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 7:48 pm

Meh. Its a lot of hype.
I gained tremendously by staying home instead of going to sem, and starting college and night shiurim. Navigating my schedules, arranging transportation, meeting new people and CHOOSING to go to shiurim at night when there was no one arranging for them on my schedule, matured me and gave me a real sense of self.

You dont need to go to EY to do that, you just need to begin the transition of adulting.

(Ps it didnt hinder shidduchim at all BH. Got engaged one of the first in my class to the best guy out there)

amother

NeonYellow ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 8:06 pm

I couldn't justify spending the money way back when it was still "cheap". I went to local seminaries and classes to continue my religious development while I earned my degree so I can support a Kollel husband successfully. BH I had no problem finding my shidduch (no money, no famous relative, not related to a Gadol Hador, not skinny or conventionally pretty, I had to rely on my personality and middos). My Kollel husband said he considered seminary as a year of camp. My daughters never asked to go, and BH married well. They internalized true Torah values from home, school and camps. Seminary was unnecessary.

However I do believe that there are girls who need seminary for their religious development, if they didn't get it from home.
Most go because of peer pressure and societal expectations (and internalize that message). Hopefully they gain from the experience anyway.
I just find it ironic when the mothers ask how to detox their dd's after returning from seminary and help them come back to earth...why send them if you don't want them more religiously connected?
I hope it is more than just for finding the right shidduch.

shabbatiscoming ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 8:31 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

Good question. Seems we need to spend $50,000 to show our daughters how to live the kollel life on a budget.

You do realize that not every seminary is of this hashkafa, right? Im MO. Went over 25 years ago. Nothing about kollel.
It was a year to be able to learn l'shma. To learn for the sake of learning.
And to learn in eretz yisrael.
That year shaped my life.

amother

Tomato

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 9:12 pm

Totally agree. There’s no reason to spend so much money (don’t forget the hidden costs of a year in Eretz Yisroel) when there are more than enough perfectly fine options locally. There are now a bunch of seminaries in Lakewood, my niece goes to a new one that opened this year, it’s action packed with fantastic teachers and program. She doesn’t feel like she’s missing anything.

I think people are finally getting tired of sending to EY.

amother

Darkblue ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 9:29 pm

amother Mustard wrote:

It’s so funny how you think it’s a hype, however you never went yourself. I think someone with real maturity could say- unfortunately it was too expensive or it wasn’t something I was interested in. The way you are going about describing how “mature” you became and how adult you were and oh- marrying the best guy- doesn’t come across AT ALL like you are trying to overcompensate for something it sounds like you wish you did. Just my opinion.

Seminary, like anything in life is an amazing opportunity for the right kid that is looking to grow. Just like sleepaway camp isn’t for everyone, sem isn’t as well. Living in eretz yisroel alone for a year is such an amazing opportunity for those that don’t plan on living there after marriage. Seeing different Jews. Experiencing different things. It’s not only about the classes. It’s about living with other people not related to you and communicating. It’s so much more than one thing.

amother

↑ NeonYellow ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 9:35 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

Wow, your "maturity" leaps off the page. We are all expressing our opinions and experiences. Let's not make this a personal attack, or is that something you learned in your Israeli Seminary?

amother

Hibiscus

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 9:35 pm

For some people it can be great, if they need a break from their family situation or if their high school experience wasn’t too good.

For some people, it’s like why do girls need 12th grade? Really, they can stop after 11th, but in our society it goes till 13th grade.

All that said, I think seminary is not only unnecessary but actually horrible. Why are we teaching our girls that they need to be apart from their parents in order to form their own opinions and ideas-my seminary said this straight out and I felt like it was a brainwashing tactic. Why are we teaching our girls to get used to a lifestyle where there are 100 girls their age in one building, acting so immaturely, partying with their friends at all hours-this is literally the opposite of prepping them for real life. The stereotypical “sem girl” is totally involved in herself…and that’s besides the fact that it puts girls in really vulnerable positions where they don’t have family or people that can rely on and the people in positions of authority really can take their power and abuse it, and it does happen…I know I sound old fashioned but I’m 22. Seminary was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

amother

Broom ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 9:47 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

The problem with seminary is that so many are pressured into it. It can be great for those who need it, or for those who want a sabbatical year before entering the adult world. But necessary? To the degree that people go into debt for it? Definitely no.

Side note - adulting is generally wrongly attributed to seminary. All kids begin adulting once they leave school. It's part of normal human development. If anything, seminary slows down the transition into adulthood. Those who don't go to seminary tend to mature more quickly than those who do go.

amother

↑ Darkblue ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 9:48 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Correct- seminary isn’t for everyone. I’m really sorry you had such a bad experience. There are so many different seminary’s though. And while yes, 100 19 year olds together can be a lot, I do think that the choice of seminary really can determine the level of “partying” ect. Certain seminary’s are known for their academics and seriousness while others aren’t. I don’t think that girls need to be away from their family in order to form their own opinions but rather see things from a different lense and choose what to implement into their own lives. We put so much pressure on our girls to have their lives figured out so young- take college credits in high school. Have a plan of what they will work as before they even graduate high school. Let them have a year to just be. Mature. Work on ones self. Be in eretz yisroel.