Sending a boy away for 9th grade

amother

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 2:19 pm

I feel very mixed on the topic. My eldest is in 8th grade. We have a local mesivta, but even they will say they want it to be the "right fit" more than a "fall back/Default" option. We are located in the midwest.

My son is a really good and smart boy, but he has a condition that makes speech/language/motor planning/difficulties which includes a form of ADHD. Medication really helps, but often until it kicks in in the morning he can be a bit of a challenge. Once his medication kicks in he's mostly a normal boy, he is not the biggest communicator. He talks more around people he feels comfortable with, he is a bit shy and sensitive. He can sit and read all day, and he tends to respond to teachers sometimes more than us.

My husband doesn't feel he is mature enough to go away, I don't feel like he's THAT immature considering that most 13-14 year-old boys aren't particularly mature either. My husband didn't think he'd be able to lein for his Bar Mitzvah, but I pushed him a bit and B"H it happened beautifully. He is capable of anything he wants to make work.

On the one hand maybe keeping him home will help him mature a bit more, but on the other hand I see it being beneficial for him to go away with other 9th graders so he doesn't feel like an outcast in this scenario--everyone starting on the same foot so-to-speak.

On the one hand being home is good for his development, on the other hand I think being away and learning to take care of certain things, not relying on me for certain things has other advantages.

We are going to go to the out-of-town farhers and listen to all feedback, but what is a mother to do in this scenario?

mha3484

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 3:18 pm

I also live in the Midwest and also have an 8th grader so I also have many friends who have current ninth graders and older. Very few dorm for 9th grade and the ones who do are able to come home during the week and every shabbos. You need to ask a lot of questions about the supervision and what the boys do in the dorm. Who will make sure he takes his meds, can he take care of himself?

What mesivtas are you looking into? Maybe the imas here can help you if you give some specifics.